Thoughts and more thoughts.

Well, it's been awhile.

Quite a lot has happened within these past few months that I hardly know where to begin...a quick recap may be in order, and I'll even try to make it chronological. (Many of you may know this information already so you can just scroll past this part).

1). I became single.

2). I got invited for a second interview and then a final interview for Teach For America, and found out November 8th that I was NOT chosen to be a teacher for this next school year.

(And now for some positives...)

3). I was blessed with a second job at my local YMCA, and I've really loved workin' on my fi'ness and meeting lots of new people. I've had some pretty odd experiences, most of them can only be recounted in person in order for the listener to get the full effect. I've learned that many people really like my bum.

4). I have a new best friend, and it is my beautiful Pistachio KitchenAid mixer. It is truly a thing of beauty and I use it multiple times a week (which is something I was afraid I wouldn't do when I got it).

5). I've been baking quite a lot these days. My boss buys cheesecakes from me every Friday to sell at the restaurant, and during this crazy Christmas season I've been baking lots of festive cookies-gingersnaps and sugar cookies and chocolate mint ones, to be exact! I pour lots of love into all that I bake, and the happiness I'm able to bring to people far outweighs any sort of monetary gain (which is just an added perk).

6). I've also been baking lots of healthy things, my most favorite thing being pumpkin chili. I'm telling you, it's MAGICAL.

7). I LOVE working at Baires, which, if you don't know, is a small restaurant in my hometown that is owned by a wild and wonderful Argentinian woman, who is becoming a close and dear friend, despite any language barriers we may have. She's so happy that I know a little bit of Spanish and with her help, I'm learning even more. We like to say "We don't make much money, but we have lots of fun!" So true. We laugh everyday, which is good for both of our spirits.

That's just a basic overview...there are so many more details and things that I couldn't possibly recount. Some of them I don't really want to recount...I'd rather just keep them as precious memories.

I honestly feel like I learn something new everyday, and it's not things that you can learn from any sort of school book. I've learned so much about pain, and what it means to feel empathy for someone who is hurting. Sure, there were many painful situations that happened while in college, but because of how busy I was, I don't think I ever really made time to truly reflect and think about those things. I know that I cared, but maybe not to the extent that I could've because all of my problems and issues were constantly on my mind's forefront. Now that I'm out of school, and LIFE has stepped into its place, I can do that. Sometimes I find myself crying about situations out of my control, and all I can do is pray that Jesus would remove the pain from those who need it, because I am powerless to do anything. Feeling that pain for someone reminds me that yes, I do still have a heart, even after the blows it's taken. Crazy.

Which leads me to another point...I'm learning how human and futile I really am. How silly of me to think that I could try and step into the driver's seat and expect that I wouldn't encounter a single speed bump. Wow. How wrong I was. I'm learning to sit on the passenger's side, and let me tell you, it's REAL scary sometimes. During the summer, I felt like I had a few things figured out, but as I came home from Colorado, semi-jobless, and then later as my relationship ended, and then even later when I didn't get the TFA job, there was nothing left for me to do but throw my hands up in the air and say "Ok God, what in the WORLD are you doing? I have no clue, but I'm going to make an attempt to follow your voice amidst this chaos."

Somehow, for reasons I don't understand, that approach works.

Why do I have SO much joy at 6am when I go in to the Y to work the early shift and then have to rush to work at Baires afterwards? Why do I love telling people about the daily soups and specials and delivering them their food? How can I be friends with someone whom I have trouble understanding half of the time? Why does making oatmeal on the stove top make so happy??

I don't know.

None of that makes any sense outside of my relationship with Christ. He's been my rock, my heartbeat, my true light. If I hadn't been following HIS voice, I could be doing any number of things which those around me want me to do. There have been several instances of people telling me what I SHOULD be doing, as if they've received a word from the Lord himself. And I'm sure they mean well and you know what, maybe they have received a word that I have not. But somehow, I just don't think so. I am fully aware that I'm not holding jobs that I'd like to make my career for the next 30 years, yet for now, for this season of life, they are enough. I am doing what I need to be doing. I'd like to think that I am being used in the lives of those around me to just pour out love over and over. That's basically what I do for a living...love and serve. Truly listen to people who just need to talk, whether it be someone at the Y who has various health problems or maybe an older person who lives alone and comes into Baires for a little human interaction. Mi familia, as I like to say, has grown a hundred fold and it's not stopping anytime soon! I am now a member of the wildest, craziest, yet most loving families I could've ever hoped to be a part of, and I love my role as sister/daughter/amiga/ and sometimes, mother. It's a beautiful thing.

Living with my parents (or "roommates" as I've taken to calling them) is also not something I'd like to be doing for the next 30 years, yet for right now, for this season, it's what I need to be doing. We have a great relationship, and I have more financial freedom than ever before. Not that I'm out blowing my money, but I'm actually taking the time to manage it like a real adult, and I've seen so many blessings come out of that. It's not easy, but I'm learning. I have a great relationship with my parents, and I know I'm going to look back on this time someday and be so grateful for their patience and open hearts. To say that they're wonderful people is a huge understatement.

I feel like I have so much more to say...things about where my heart is, what I'd like to be doing, the crazy encounters that happen almost daily, and possibly about the foods and things I've been baking as of late. This post is already long enough though. But please, if you read this, know that I am doing fine...more than fine, really. This path isn't for everyone, but that's why I'm the one on it, and I'm only on it by the grace of my Father. Yes, sometimes I feel a little lonely and just recently my heart has skipped a beat, but not in a magical "I'm in LOVE!" way, but rather in the opposite way, more like "Oh, it looks like you've moved on." Not to say that I haven't but sometimes you just really don't expect or want the other person to find someone before you do. Not that it's a race...but, well if you've ever loved someone and lost it, you know what I mean. I'm continuing my research into what it means to truly love someone, and Tim Keller's book "The Meaning of Marriage" is really providing some great insight, even for a single lady like me. I recommend it highly.

This is about enough for tonight, but in this new year I will TRY to resolve to post more, and always keep it honest and real.

I hope this Christmas brings so much peace, joy and love to your heart. Take time to love and enjoy life's little moments. Meet a new friend. Skip. Carthweel. Do something you haven't done for awhile.

Life is too beautiful not to be lived, and to be lived fully.


-xoxo

(re)Purpose.

And the lines have all been drawn, and I know where I belong, where I belong. And I think I like how the day sounds through this new song.

Greg Laswell has been singing the words in my spirit as of late. Along with "Comes and Goes", my playlist includes any/all Mumford and Sons, Adele, and Bon Iver. Who am I kidding-that's been my playlist for this entire summer. Amidst all of the shifting and changing that's been going on lately, several songs have been on repeat; you can also add Mumford's "After the Storm" to that list. You can say these past few days have been tough on the ol' ticker. As the days pass, there are constant reminders to what I used to have, and there's a certain emptiness I feel because my life is no longer interwoven with someone else's. It's very odd. There are times when I'll be driving, and a song will come on the radio that hits me at just the right moment, and all of a sudden I'm vulnerable, my wound is exposed, and I'm crying. Sometimes it's not a song, but simply the beauty of a fall evening (which I haven't seen for at least 4 years), and the way the setting suns sparkles in the trees while simultaneously whipping my hair back and forth just makes me think, "This would surely be nice to share with someone." I'm sure that these aren't the only moments I'll have in the coming days, weeks, months.

But through all of the pain, sadness, and letting go, one thing has remained perfectly clear:

I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Yep. That is QUITE clear. Since I got home from my whirlwind North Carolina/Mississippi/Louisiana adventure, it's been non-stop blessings. Firstly, my job at Baires' has been amazing. I feel like I make new friends everyday, and I love having a small part in making someone's day, whether that be by serving them yummy food, or just giving them a smile. There's a lot of older couples that frequent the restaurant, and I feel like I've gained several sets of grandparents, two of my favorite being "Gregorio" (Gregory) and Janice. These two are just TOO precious. Every time they walk in, they get a boisterous greeting from Marcela, which includes (but is not limited to) a "GREGORIOOOOOOO" and hugs and kisses all around. I love watching the exchange, and I love talking to them about everything from theatre to cats and the gentle way that Gregorio takes care of Janice is beautiful to watch. I want a Gregorio. 


Secondly, after beginning the application process for Teach for America at the end of August/early September, and waiting and waiting and oh yes, waiting, I am SO happy to be blessed with the chance to have an in person interview on the 19th of this month! Yahoo! To get to this point, I had to fill out a very extensive application, then wait to hear if I was granted an over-the-phone interview, and then after that interview, I had to wait a bit more to see if I was granted an in-person interview. Now I'm in the midst of filling out more extensive forms online before the 19th, and praying that my transcript gets here before the 14th, which is when all of my forms are due. I'm not even in college anymore and my life is STILL full of deadlines-will it ever end?? (Silly question, Danielle). I also have to prepare a 5 minute lesson to present to my fellow interviees and the interviewers, and right now I'm at a bit of a loss. Hopefully God will bring something fun, awesome, and highly educational to my mind in these next few days...


And then there's the YMCA. On the same day I found out about my TFA interview, I got a call from the Y saying that I am in fact hired part time to work in the Wellness Center-another YAHOO! This was also 2 weeks of waiting and wondering what I did wrong in my interview and re-evaluating everything in my head, which was silly and all for naught. I think I need to learn on trusting God more.


These are just a few of the amazing things God has been doing up here in Central Ohio. Did I ever think this is the path I would be placed on-to be living with my parents, working two jobs, while applying to be a teacher in Oklahoma? And where does theatre fit into all of this??


No. And I don't know.


But is this where I am called to be?

YES. 100 and 10 times YES.

More exciting things to come...I can just feel it. 

:)

The Home Life.

Even though this is bad quality, this is me at the end of my first 5K!

Since I got home from my trip to Mississippi, it's literally been a "hit the ground running" type of situation. I came home in time to be present for the Marion Popcorn Festival, a local "treat" that's put our small town on the map. (Food Network came and filmed a little feature on it several years ago...holllllah). I can't say I like to frequent this event, as sugar coated and cute that the Food Network made it sound. When I was a child, I had to ride on the float for my dance studio every year since the early 90s, while strange men and children whooped and hollered from the sidelines and called out "Let's see ya do a little dance!" Nor when I actually went to the festival can I say I came away with good memories. This may sound like an exaggeration, but one night I remember walking around, and seeing a young goth couple. The girl had a leash, which was chained to her boyfriend's (?) spiked collar, while carrying a baby doll that looked like a cross between the doll that Syd from "Toy Story" reinvented and Chucky. YIKES. The fair food, amount of sketchy people, and the occasional fight between youngsters are also factors that make me want to stay in the comfort and safety of my home.

But this year was a little different. I found out Grace Potter and the Nocturnals was going to be there, and since I missed their free concert in Steamboat this past summer, I felt like their presence in my life a second time was a sign I needed to go. And once again, it was free, so how could I turn that down? My lovely friend Lindsay went with me, and let me tell you what, it.was.AMAZING. I am now a Grace Potter fan. She is a completely fierce being, and totally channels the vibes of the female rockers of the 60s and 70s, a la Janis Joplin. I managed to get some pretty cool pictures, though a lot of them were blurry because she was literally jumping, dancing and head banging the entire time. Here's a favorite of mine.

Blurry, but undeniably fierce.

The next morning, I went back downtown to run my first 5K, and I LOVED it. I think I'm going to keep training and running in races all around Ohio. The tough part is, most of them are $20+, and although I'm all about supporting a good cause, I know my budget won't allow for too many races in a month. One race in particular that I'm interested in is part of the Wellness In The Woods series. All of the races in that series take place at various metro parks around Columbus, and the money goes to benefit the upkeep of those parks. I'm not going to lie, part of the draw for running is getting an organic cotton eco-friendly t-shirt. Who wouldn't want one of those?? The goal for my next race is to run it in exactly 30 minutes, but I know I'm going to have to be more consistent with running in order to achieve that goal. I started off this week pretty great, but a few physical issues and busy days have stalled my progress. Oh, and making up excuses has also slowed me down a bit. Note to self: MUST work on standing up to myself next week.

The Homestead at Christmastide.

So here's the burning question on everyone's mind: What is life REALLY like at home? Well, honestly it's kinda weird. Not weird in a bad way...it's just different. I'm no longer a high school student, or any kind of student at all, so there's no pressure of school or wearing uniforms or any of the silliness that goes along with high school. A lot of people who first found out I was moving back in with good ol' Mike and Jen laughed a little, and made some sort of comment like "Uh-oh, how's THAT going to work out?" So far, it really hasn't been that bad at all-it's actually been a really positive and fun experience. Although I have enjoyed living in other states the past several years, there's something about being home and being in your own room with familiar surroundings that just can't be replaced, no matter how far you roam. (Commence writing sappy Country song NOW). There's also something about not living out of a suitcase that's really priceless too. I don't see my time at home as one big sigh, or a step in the wrong direction, but instead this will be a time to reconnect with my parents, try to give back to them in some small way, grow in my faith, and saving money. Lots of money. Another exciting thing is that I actually get to experience this year is FALL -yippee skippee! It's quite easily my favorite season. I've missed it very much.

One way that I've really enjoyed "giving back" is through cooking and baking. I have missed our 1930s gas stove like you wouldn't believe. It's like an old friend; I know its quirks and oddities, it's slightly dangerous, yet I love it all the same. It feels wonderful to don an apron and bake new and lovely smelling things. With fall right around the corner (and a bushel of apples I picked just waiting for me in my basement), breads, desserts and my first batch of applesauce are calling out to me to make them. I LOVE to substitute healthy things for unhealthy things in recipes, so I hope to be putting some of the items I've baked on here soon. If you were to join me in my kitchen tonight, you'd find this Chunky Vegan Sweet Potato Bread with Rosemary being baked, a bevy of apples being dried in order to make Apple Chips, and my own version of Glazed Apple Cookies just a bakin' in my oven. (Yes, it will smell very good and much like fall). Some mixture of Mumford and Sons, Adele, and Bon Iver will be playing and possibly tea will be brewing. Join me.

All of that to say, life is good. Beautiful even. Today's temperatures are a sign of cooler days to come, and a drive in the country early this morning really put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. I know moving home isn't for everyone, and some people might think I'm lying when I say I'm really enjoying it and that I love waitressing at a local restaurant. I've promised to write blog posts about life lessons that I'm learning, but in an effort to stop this novel I've started writing, I'll make my first lesson brief and sorry guys, it's targeted towards the ladies.

It is this: No matter how many language barriers stand between you and your boss (mine happens to be a fiery Argentinian woman), feminine issues are always understood with very few words being used. And for that, I am extremely grateful.

Hips wide, organs spread out.

Those are the (paraphrased) wise words of my mother, said in response to the brief time in my life where I wanted to be a truck driver. After putting in nearly 50 hours in the car these past few weeks, I can easily see how this can happen. My lower half feels pretty flabby, to say the least. And I feel like I'm going to develop some pretty serious varicose veins at any second. Cute, huh? Yeah. Needless to say, I'm VERY glad to be back on solid ground once again, and don't have any long road trips planned for the near future.

To try and sum up these past few weeks might take me awhile. I feel like I haven't stopped moving since I landed in Columbus on August 7th, after spending 2 months away at camp. I got home on a Sunday (technically Monday morning at 2am), and went right to work at Baires Deli, a local Argentinian restaurant at 11am that same day. (I hope to start blogging about my experiences there...it's been a pretty great place so far and I already have stories to share). I spent that next week learning how to be a waitress, with a lot of help from my boss, Marcela, Jeff, another cook, and Kelly, who does a variety of things around the restaurant. Thankfully I didn't have too many slip ups, and all of the customers were very patient with me. I then left for a 5 day vacation to North Carolina with my mom, and had a great time bummin' around the mountains with her. We haven't gotten to do a "girls only" trip for a few years, and it was nice to watch movies, talk about life, and generally just relax. I was only home for 3 days before I left for a 2 week trip down South, which I like to call the " 'Sip Trip." After almost 4 months of not seeing Daniel, you could say we were both REALLY ready to spend time with one another again. I also loved spending time with my former roombug, Marie. It's SO good to be with a kindred spirit and laugh and talk like I never even left. (Pictures to come regarding the special house warming gift I made for her new apartment).

I went on many adventures during my 2 weeks, and at ate a few places that I'd never been to before, such as Basil's and Cherokee Inn. YUM. You would think that after 4 years of living in the chunkiest state in the union that I'd appreciate some good ol' fashioned fried food, but I just really don't, so Cherokee Inn just wasn't my style. But I really appreciated the small town feel the restaurant had and how the owner takes orders and mingles with the guests. I think my brother would REALLY enjoy such a place.

When it was all said and done, I stayed at 6 different houses during my stay, and even slept on a couch one night. This morning I left Louisville at the early hour of 5:30am, after spending the night with a lovely friend, and FINALLY completed my journey, getting home a little after 10am. I can't tell you how good it felt to turn into my driveway. You know what else is going to feel good? Sleeping in my OWN bed tonight. Not that I didn't appreciate the kindness of my loved ones in MS for putting up with me for several days on end, but there's just something about your own sheets, the smell of your room, and your own lamp on your night stand. I can't explain it properly, but I think you know what I mean.

Now that I'm home and have access to the internet more consistently, I vow to update this blog as much as possible with my creative endeavors, in both the cooking and crafting arenas, "Things That Waitressing Is Teaching Me", what returning home after 4 years away feels like, thoughts on my future (as God brings them before me), and a variety of other fun things. One of which may be a video of me singing an original song, inspired by all of the songs about clubbin' that seem to be floating around these days (i.e. Katy Perry's "Friday Night" and pretty much anything written by Ke$sha). There are similar themes throughout these tunes, and I had TONS of time to think about lyrics and song ideas on my drive home. Stay tuned. :)

In closing, here are just a few of my small "goals" that I hope to accomplish during this season of my life, as I try to find peace and joy living with my parents and returning to a town that I often make fun of. Goals are as follows (and will probably change frequently):

-Remember to take my reusable shopping bags with me to the store. I ALWAYS forget, which led to a very awkward and frustrating experience at Save A Lot the other day.

- Store leftovers in glass containers instead of tupperware. We've had ours before the "BPA free" days, so I'm sure they're teeming with germs and other unhealthy things.

-Finish my MANY crafty projects. This will be done. I'm already speaking it.

-Repurpose/build my own craft table for my room. This will de-clutter my tiny space GREATLY, plus give me an area to learn to sew.

-Clean our attic. With our without my parents' permission...we've got a buttload of junk of there. They'll thank me later.

-Try a new recipe a week. My mom will learn to appreciate my style of healthy cooking someday...

-Blog. Duh. Hopefully make my posts more focused and interesting and not just write 50 posts about the same thing.

And maybe the most urgent...

-Finish applying for Teach for America. It's been quite the process thus far, and from what I hear, this is only the tip of the iceberg. It's quite scary to trust that God will put me in the right place for the next 2 years, but I'm learning. He's working on my heart daily.

This is all for now. With how long my posts are, another one of my goals should be to finish writing a play I've started. We'll see. For now, have a lovely evening, and I hope you return to read more soon.

Rosie, my travel companion.

6am...Why am I awake?

Oh yes.

Because my girls are leaving today...all of the kids are, in fact. Last night they had their last shows and then we threw a party for them, which started with all sorts of sugary snacks on the staff side of the Dining Hall and finished with a talent show/sleepover in Pavilion. I even did a little number with Joe, one of the other counselors...it was quite silly. The kids had a great time talking and watching movies until all hours of the night, but this counselor fell asleep around 1:30 so if any shenanigans happened, I was completely out of the loop. The first few kids have already started to leave, and now almost everyone is up and packing and talking, despite only having a few hours of sleep. It's really sweet to see all of the tears and hugs...that really began during the talent show last night. Precious. I haven't cried yet, but I'm sure when my nest (cabin) is completely empty today, there will be tears. Or when I finally get home and all of the emotions from the past several months hit me at once.

I hate goodbyes. I hate leaving and being faced with the possibility of never seeing someone again. Many of the kids make promises to each other that they'll be back next year, but do they really know that for sure? I don't know if I'll be here. I'd certainly love to, but I don't know what other opportunities may arise. I certainly wouldn't mind, because I love these kids SO very much. At first, I was really nervous to have the younger YAI girls in my cabin...aka about thirteen 13 year olds. I wasn't really sure if they would mesh well, if they'd fit all the time, if they'd just think I was a total dork and give me no respect whatsoever. But you know what? I got a pretty fabulous group of young ladies-TWICE. They were funny, smart and sweet and I could tell how much they really did care for each other. Several times I caught them encouraging each other when one was hurt and it just touched my heart. Even though they were a bit older and sometimes acted "cooler" than our younger ones, they would still come up to me sometimes and just tell me that they loved me. This summer has been another affirmation that I need to be working with kids, in some way or another. I've recently been presented with the opportunity to teach acting at my old dance school. That could be fun. Do I really feel qualified? I don't know. I need to do some research and come up with some sort of game plan. It could be fun though...a little extra money, experience with kids...it could be good. I really wish I was Pilates certified right now, because then I could teach THAT. My old studio is the perfect place for it. The other day I also did an aerial workshop and hopefully maybe I can find some sort of place to do an aerial workshop somewhere around Ohio.

Maybe it's the lack of sleep, but the plans and thoughts in my head keep multiplying. Always.

For now, I'm looking forward to getting home in one piece and sleeping. And starting my new job at one of my favorite local restaurants. I've never been a waitress before, so this should be interesting....

The things that are ahead.

It's August 1st (really??) and I'm entering my last week of camp. Yesterday started out a bit early (4:30am to be exact) but I was very happy to see a gorgeous sunrise as I made my way back from the airport after dropping off several of the HS/College students. It's a drive that'll stick with me for quite awhile. I can't say it enough....God's handiwork and beauty never cease to amaze me. The way the mountains look before the sun wakes them up is just so peaceful, so serene. (Can you tell I love it here?) I have a feeling I'll be back out here again.

My spirit is getting more and more ready to be home. This morning before I stepped into the shower, I almost stepped ON a little salamander thing curled up into the floor. Definitely not something I was prepared for early in the morning. I made sure he got safely outside because I could just imagine the chaos that would ensue if I would've left him on the floor for my girls to discover. When I got in the shower, I was greeted by a rather large mosquito, who did NOT meet a pleasant end. I've also been seeing quite a few earwigs around...gross. All of that to say, I'm quite ready to take a shower and sleep in a room without being assaulted by 10,000 different bugs. Who wouldn't be looking forward to that? I must keep reminding myself to enjoy the moment, and these last few days with some amazing counselors and kids. I'm quite sad to leave the wonderful little Euzoa Bible Church and I think one of my biggest fears about going home has to do with not being able to find a similar place of worship. I have a few places in mind that I'd like to check out, and I know God's going to provide the place for me to go. I have to keep trusting, keep praying, keep seeking. And I can most certainly claim Christ's awesome power, which is far stronger than any of my fears and worries. To quote a verse that was used in yesterday's sermon:

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:7-9

Yes. I believe this and am claiming this today...

To switch to another topic, I definitely have a list of things I'd love to accomplish this fall. (Or however long God sees fit to keep me in Ohio).

1). BAKE. I can't tell you how many times this summer I've thought of a recipe or tried something and have wanted to recreate it. Things at the top of my list to make are-healthy homemade granola, chicken curry, and a really good spice cake. It's going to be interesting trying to cook for my mom and dad, because I love to eat all sorts of grainy and healthy things. I think we'll be able to reach a happy medium...



2). CLEAN. My room be a HOT mess...wow. It's so full of stuff right now, and when I bring back everything I've brought to camp, it'll be even more full. I'd love to consign a lot of my clothes, which I've already done but it needs to happen again. And again. And again.

3). FIND A CHURCH. Like I said before, one of my biggest fears about being home is not finding a place to worship, but I have a few places in mind that I'd love to check out when I get back.


4). TRAVEL. First, a trip to North Carolina with my mama, and then it's on to Jackson to see all of my loved ones there. I'm pretty sure I'm going to drive since I'm planning on staying for 2 weeks, but I can't say I'm looking forward to 14 hours alone in a car. WOOF.

5). FIND A JOB. This will be quite essential, seeing as how I'll need to start paying off loans in a few weeks. I'll be subbing for the infant/toddler day care at my old school, but I'm also looking into waitressing at a local restaurant. Or maybe working at the gym where I hope to work on my Pilates certification. Options, options...

This is just a small list of what I'd like to do...I'm sure it'll be added to in the future. I'd also love to visit Lake Erie as much as I can, and I'm sure I'll be called upon to do various home improvement projects. I think I'm going to be getting a new camera once I get home (thanks, mom and dad) so maybe lots of photography will happen. Who knows?? The possibilities are endless and quite exciting.

Beautiful moments/things I'll miss.

Some of my Juniors...already miss these silly girls.

It's probably not a huge surprise to tell you how much I've been daydreaming and reflecting and thinking lately, but needless to say, that's what I've been doing. My second summer at P-M is only a week and 2 days from ending, and I'm going through a mixed bag of feelings. On one hand, I really am looking forward to my own bed, an interrupted night's sleep, and a room that isn't full of mice, spiders and wasps. On the other hand, I'll miss my girls, John's cooking, and the most beautiful morning runs I've ever had in my life. Like today...technically it's still my day off but of course, my body woke me up early-5:45am to be exact. Nature was also calling at that exact moment, and as I stepped outside to walk to the bathroom, I noticed how lovely the sky was. The sun wasn't up yet, but the entire sky was a very light blush pink...it was like the sky was just holding its breath WAITING for the sun to come up. It sounds simple, but it gave me the fuel I needed to have an amazing run. It's crazy, even though it's almost August, it's cold enough in the mornings to make my eyes water and make my able to see my breath. I love this place.

More things I love about Colorado:
-The sunsets.
-A little house on a mountain I look at everyday and think-"Someday, I want to live there." It's perfectly situated on top of a mountain so it can see both sunrise and sunset.
-The mountains.
-Euzoa Bible Church. The worship team there.
-Waking my girls up in the morning.
-Oatmeal with all the fixin's.
-Journaling on my back stoop.
-Having the most beautiful view out of my door.
-Cold mornings.
-Reading my girls "Hector and the Search for Happiness" every night before they go to sleep.
-The other counselors.
-Bears that visit the camp several times a week (well, maybe not this one).
-The meadow at the top of Buffalo Pass.
-The sunshine. Even after a rainy day, the sun still comes out.
-Being needed.
-All of the yummy places to eat in downtown Steamboat.
-Tubing on the Yampa (doing this next Saturday...I HOPE I'll love this).

And a million more things.

Decisions, decisions.

Sunset over Lincoln Ave. in downtown Steamboat

In just a few short weeks, I'll be back home in Ohio. Weird, huh? This summer has FLOWN by. To tell you the truth, it's a bit overwhelming. I feel like a lot has happened in such a short time and now I'm just grasping at the time left I have in Colorado and with my girls desperately. But no matter what I do, time keeps marching on and soon I'll be flying away from one of my most favorite places on earth. I reflect quite a lot, so right now I'm thinking back to earlier this year when I couldn't believe that I'd soon be a college graduate, but that time has come and gone and now I've moved on to the "next big thing" (apparently my key phrase for this summer). This "big thing" is almost over and then it's on to what I've been waiting for my entire life...the time when my REAL life begins. Hahahaha. I just have to audibly laugh at that, because as far as I know I've BEEN living these past few years. I guess it's more accurate to say that in a few weeks I'll just be opening a new chapter in the Book of Danielle.

My so called "life plans" have fluctuated like craaaazy for the past year. After my summer in CO last year, I seriously contemplated the major I chose and debated whether I was truly called to a career in the performing arts. Pretty scary stuff right there. When you've put so much time and effort into something, and then to suddenly feel like maybe you chose to do the wrong thing is a pretty faith rattling experience. I've thought of all sorts of careers and options, yet nothing seemed to work out. I've pursued several things in Colorado, simply for the fact that I love it here. I feel at home and believe I've found a church that I could go raise a family at. But there's this little thing called "timing", and after the doors I tried to walk through here have shut, I've been forced to put my "Colorado dream" for the time being. I believe that someday God could open the door for me to move out here and I guarantee I will RUN through it. Hopefully it won't be by myself, but with my love by my side.

Then there was the "Jackson plan". I'd be lying if I said that this was on the top of my list. Frankly, I hate the thought of living in such a dangerous city and being back in the dirty south. The climate, the lack of healthy living, and several other factors turn me from it. But on the other hand (which is a pretty big hand), Daniel, Marie and several more of my closest friends live there and I would love love LOVE to be close to them once again. I don't think I can express how much I mean that. There's also a big BUT with this one. I don't have a job lined up at this point, and by the time I get there, I would have missed the chance to audition for the professional theatre in Jackson, which I know is probably something I should do. I don't know what would come of it, but being the busy body that I am, I'd like to be able to have something to do in the evenings and get the opportunity to get directed by some new people. Once again, there's this darn "timing" thing, and if I'm truly trusting God to direct my steps, then making a hasty decision to move down South would be in complete opposition to that. Thankfully, a trip to good ol' Jackson is tentatively planned for the end of August so it's not going to be too much longer until I'm reunited with my loves, even if it is only for a few weeks.

After all of that, I think there's a plan that has come to the forefront of my mind and seems to be winning out above all other plans. Financially, it's the wisest thing I could do since these next few months will bring the start of my payments for my loans I had to take out for school. After I come home from camp, I've decided that for the time being, it will be the smartest thing to move in with my parents, at least until late fall/early winter. Haters can laugh all you like, but as I see how many doors are starting to open after making this decision I have peace knowing that for now, this is the best thing I can do. I've had it in my mind to get my Pilates mat work certification and living at home would allow me to do that. I'd be able to use money that I've been saving up to put towards that and a gym membership, which I'd need in order to train under a Pilates instructor. It may be a good idea for me to work there...free classes, anyone? Yes please. I'll also be able to sub at the school my mom works at (the school I graduated from) and it'd be nice to save a little money and ride to school with her. A full time position in the day care has yet to open up, but after talking to my old boss there, I have a feeling it could eventually. And the money that I would've spent on rent can be put towards paying off my loans, which sounds like such an adult thing to say. I guess I'm growin' up, huh? I won't lie and say that this is going to be the easiest thing ever. I'm sure my parents and I will have our fair share of tiffs, but I have some great friends around and opportunities to get away for a weekend at a time. It'll be really hard being far from Daniel, but I know that God is going to continue to work in us during this time. Oh, and I just saw an audition for a musical at a Columbus Children's Theatre, which happens the day after I get back. Besides physical theatre, the genre of children's theatre is really appealing to me. We'll see what happens with all of these plans and what God chooses to do.

As I continue to mull over things in my mind, my spirit is becoming more and more peaceful with the decisions I've made. It all has the potential to change in the blink of an eye, and I think that with the money I'll be saving I'll be ready to go wherever when I'm called. Is this what I had planned for myself a year ago? No, probably not. But will this end up being the best thing for me? Yes...for now. I'm a being of change so I feel like he won't keep me in Ohio for forever. But if he does? Well, I can't really argue with that. More and more I'm learning to have patience and learning that I am not the only one going through the struggles I'm experiencing. I've been surrounded by some truly beautiful people who are at similar places in life and who will be my prayer partners these next few months. I can see various opportunities opening up in front of me and I'm EXCITED. As I strive to live in the moment, I am looking forward to these short and precious weeks left in my second home and am also excited to see Daniel in just about a month.

God is up to something...and it's pretty big.

Time flies...

..not only when you're having fun, but also when you least expect it. It continues to fly even when the day seems slow and pretty soon you go from struggling to stay calm as the 5th child comes to you with "homesickness" (which, if you didn't know, is a communicable disease), to saying good-bye, to welcoming thirteen 13 year old girls into your cabin and life. Seeing how my new group of campers interacts is like a step back in time for me, and has caused me to ponder the passing of time, and how not so long ago I was one of those girls. I often think "how would I act if I were a camper with these girls?" and truth be told, I'd probably be just as loud and boy crazy. It's funny to me how much a difference I've noticed between my Junior campers and the YAI's I now have. There's only one year separating them, yet it feels like 20. More make-up, more time to get ready, more independence, and a little bit less respect for Elise and I. We haven't had any major dramatic incidents, and I'm praying that the drama is kept on the stage for the rest of the time they're here. I find myself struggling a bit to connect with these girls, because they're SO independent and don't rely on me as much for support and love. I think we just need to get to know each other better and they need to know they can trust me. I'm different from their mom, yet I can't quite be their BFF, because there still has to be a definite line they can't cross with me. I have to love always, yet discipline when necessary. Being a teacher/mentor/counselor is HARD work...yet I love it so completely. God, is this what you want me to do with my life???

Besides the uncertainty I'm feeling in several areas of my life right now, God has given me SO much joy. On Sunday, I was finally able to return to Euzoa Bible Church, the sweet little church I walked to several times last summer. My fear upon returning was that it would've changed in a negative way...maybe gotten smaller or switched pastors or something. But as I walked up to the church, some of my fears were laid to rest as I saw TONS of cars in the parking lot. When I walked in and was once again greeted warmly, I felt instantly at home. It's been awhile since I've really felt connected to a worship service and able to fully bask in God's glory. But at Euzoa, I just let it all go and once again raised my hands in worship. Tears were welling up in my eyes as my mind filled with a million thoughts...thoughts of Christ and his love, how perfectly at peace I felt, how I wished my loved ones could be experiencing it with me. The message was also wonderful, and just what I needed to hear. The pastor spoke about identity, and how the most important place to find our identity is in Christ. Compared to that, nothing else really matters. In light of my future (which continually hangs in the balance), this was such a comfort to my spirit to never stop seeking GOD'S will for my life, no matter who tells me to do or don't move somewhere or what. Or no matter how loudly my heart speaks and tells me to move back to Mississippi because of a certain someone. I mean, if that's what God wants for me then I'll go, no questions asked, but I don't think I can say for sure that's what he wants at this time. But enough about the future...here are some things that I'm grateful for RIGHT NOW:

-the view out my door
-epic sunrises/sunsets
-AMAZING food
-the Ladder 110 from Johnny B. Good's
-talking about the South (including small girls wearing big bows) with my camper from Baton Rouge
-talking with my girls....finding out about their lives, boyfriends, everything
-the simple joy of an amazing bowl of oatmeal in the mornings, accompanied by an equally amazing cup of coffee
-the restoration of relationships...realizing how very important someone is to you
-smiles. Smiling is my favorite.
-days off
-Tevas
-living in a rustic cabin for 2 months
-realizing how very open and exciting the future is
-daydreaming
-Euzoa Bible Church
-letters from a special someone...and writing letters in return


I could go on and on, but I won't. I have to go get my girls from a hang out spot on camp called the Green Room. This little hour break I've had is much needed, and I'm looking forward to going to church again tomorrow morning. I'm actually walking with a college student to church whom I found out was a Christian last Sunday. Praise God for fellowship and his faithfulness.

It's hard to believe I have less than a month here, and I'll try to be better at posting things...

WOOF.

This is where I am for the summer, and I'm loving it.

For the most part.

I say that not because of the scenery or my girls, because as you can see, it's GORGEOUS here. It's even prettier and the air is more crisp that I remembered...possibly due to the snow still on the mountains. (July...snow...whaaat?) And I have a pretty stellar group of 12 year olds in my cabin this year. How we've managed to get a group that hasn't had a single cat fight is beyond me. They're crazy, silly, beautiful, and SO caring-it's safe to say I'm falling in love with them.

I guess the one thing that hasn't made this year 100% enjoyable is CHANGE. Not really the actual changes so much, but the way they've been handled at times. The camp has experienced much change in the past year and many things are new and being tried for the first time. Some of those in leadership positions are here for the first time, which makes it hard for us returners who feel like we have a little better bearing on how things run to understand why certain things are being done. It's a tough position, because it's not really our place to question the decisions made. But more often than not, I find myself speaking up rather than holding back and I've been learning to do so in a manner that's not offensive or rude. Rude confrontations make me anxious and completely uncomfortable, so I try to avoid that at all costs. I can't really go into detail, but my spirit has been tried in many different ways this past month and everyday I'm learning how to roll with the punches more and more and be a peacemaker. Sometimes speaking peace is more important than speaking up.

I feel like my thoughts are all over the place-probably due to the fact that it's about 11:30 and I'm used to being asleep by this time. Earlier this week was a bit rough, because the terrible disease of homesickness (or "fudge waffles" as we try to call it to make the kids laugh) spread through my cabin. Combined with tummy aches, nosebleeds, and an instance of vomiting, it's safe to say I was glad when Monday was over and my day off had finally arrived. I can't even tell you how much I appreciated those 24 hours away from camp...it felt like the storm had broken and the sun was shining through. Most of the stress I had been dealing with was from situations out of my control, or ones that weren't really my concern. It was nice to be in town, stay in a warm and comfy bed, eat at a DELISH Mexican restaurant, and find many great thrift store goodies, one of which is a pair of $6 cowgirl boots. SCORE. I came back to camp feeling refreshed and rejuvenated and I loved getting hugs and love from my girls when I returned. Tomorrow we're ALL going to town, which should be rather interesting. And then Monday is the famed 4th of July parade, so please send a prayer up for my spirit if you think of it. Think 100+ kids marching in a parade and doing a sweet dance in front of judges...oh, and btdubs, we've won for the past 10 years. As one of the counselors heading it up, you can see why I've been feeling a little/lot of pressure.

But through all of this-the many personalities, the "fudge waffles", and the billion other problems that arise each day, I am learning to trust God. And have PATIENCE. I'm finding that's quite a difficult thing to do...to truly trust God that he WILL take care of my every need and tell me the way I should go. I feel like I've thought that over/said that a million times these past few months, but it's so true. I have no other option, no other concrete plan but to hand my life completely over to Christ and say "Here. This is yours. Do what you want." Scary, huh? You bet. It's not my job to worry about the outcome or to listen to those around me who ask "So...what are you plans for the fall?" Do those people really need an answer? Not really. It'll come...slowly and surely.

For now, my job is still to love. To trust. To have patience.

Oh, and to take my gaggle of giggly 12 year old girls to Fuzziwig's Candy Store tomorrow.

I think I (and God) can handle that.

Landed.

Just like the Ben Folds...I have landed. In good ol' Steamboat Springs, Colorado that is. As I flew into Denver and then took a 3 hour ride on the Alpine Taxi to Steamboat, I reflected on many, many things. First, that it had been a year since my eyes had seen this BEAUTIFUL state. And when I say "beautiful", I'm not even joking. Actually, "beautiful" is probably not the most accurate word I could use to describe the surroundings I have the privilege to see everyday...magnificent, awe inspiring, marvelous...I could go on and on. I marveled at the large amount of snow I saw on the drive in. Here it is, almost July and there are areas that still have several feet of snow. Even the mountains surrounding camp are still ski-able. CRAZY. As a result the rivers around here are VERY high and it doesn't look like tubing down the Yampa will be possible this year, which is a river that runs right through downtown.

I also had a lot of time to reflect the ways in which life has changed since graduation. I still don't think I have a handle on the fact that I am d-o-n-e DONE with school. Everyone keeps telling me to wait until August and then it'll really be weird and surreal to see all of my friends going back to school while I....well, I'm still not sure what I'll be doing yet. Something. Anyway, many changes of the heart have been happening (and are still happening, and evolving) and this past week has most definitely been a time of prayer, journaling, and reflection. I can already tell this summer is going to be a HUGE time of spiritual growth...that is, if I can stop trying to push my agenda for one second and allow Christ to change my heart and mind.

Projects and things.

This past month has been a wonderful time of relaxing and crafting, two of my most favorite things. I didn't know HOW much I enjoyed home renovation until I got the opportunity to do it twice. There are few things as satisfying as talking about a project, acting on it, and then getting it done. Or at least 85% done. We're still thinking about what decorations we'd like to go into mom's kitchen...right now she's leaning towards scattering birdhouses and vintage bowls and things on top of the cabinets. I'm sure I'll be pleasantly surprised when I come back in August and see what she's done. The house we're working on at the lake still needs LOTS of work (most of which only my dad is qualified to do) but we're really pleased with how the painting and redecorating has been going so far. As far as my future house goes someday, I really wouldn't mind purchasing a minor fixer-upper...but that is WAY down the road.

I've also LOVED cooking and baking for mom and dad. Sure, it in NO way can fully repay them for all they've done for me, especially these past four years, but I hope it shows them at least a portion of my gratitude. I try to cook healthy, well balanced meals and they've been really great sports to willingly try everything I've made. I rarely make a recipe as written...I'm always substituting something, but more often then not it works out really well. Here are some of my favorite things I've made:

Mexican style chicken...a lot easier than I thought it'd be and SO tasty.

Homemade No Bake Clif bars...FABULOUS. I found the recipe here, made a few small changes and have made too many of these bars to count:
http://enlightenedcooking.blogspot.com/2008/06/homemade-cliff-bars-no-bake.html

Oatmeal Peach Blueberry Breakfast Bars

Black Bean Veggie burger...one of my FAVORITE things I've made so far.

Black Bean Brownie...yes, haters gonna hate but you can't knock it til you try it. Everyone whom I shared it with agreed you can't taste the black beans and they loved the fudgey-ness and slight coffee flavor of the brownie. Throw a little plain yogurt and fresh fruit on top, and BOOM. Delicious. Promise.

Leftover black bean burger turns into a yummy burrito, complete with a homemade whole wheat tortilla.

Of COURSE I had to make sushi with my best friend...we experimented with tuna and some Mexican inspired ingredients and rolled some pretty delicious combinations.

And last but not least, homemade ice cream, done in Ziploc baggies. Recipe here:
http://familyfun.go.com/recipes/homemade-ice-cream-in-a-bag-684806/

It may be hard to believe, but much more is going on in my heart and mind besides food and painting walls. God is definitely throwing me some curve balls, but thankfully he gave me a glove to catch them and isn't going to allow me to get my clock cleaned. I'll write more about that later, but for now, I must go back to the trenches...aka packing. I leave Saturday morning for Colorado and am probably only 50% packed. It still gets pretty chilly there at night so of course, I must take almost every item of clothing I own, including winter clothes. Sigh. Maybe someday I'll stop living in and out of suitcases.

Things I love.

As promised, more pictures of the kitchen renovation will be coming shortly. It's quite the record for our family, but the project was finished in under a week and now, much like humpty dumpty, the kitchen is put back together again. Mom can now rest easy knowing her house is clean and complete, which is the most important thing. (Cuz if mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy. So true). Now it's on to the REALLY fun part-redecorating. We'd definitely like to use some of the antiques we already have but also incorporate new and nifty things that fit within the color scheme we've chosen, which is light blue, light green and light yellow. Example:

I love the vintage feel of this kitchen, which is perfect for our kitchen. We have a beautiful stove from the 1940s, which my dad loves to showcase whenever someone comes to visit the house (pictures to come.) The reason we're also incorporating light blue is because of the existing flour and sugar containers my mom has. Luckily we found a beautiful fabric at Hobby Lobby that has ALL of these colors, which I used to recover a chair seat that was looking more than a little rough. It was my first time doing so, but with a little help from a video I found on Youtube and my friend Deanna, I was able to do it with little difficulty. We have a bolt of fabric left over and had no idea what to do with it until last night. We thought a little pillow would be nice, but really, what place do pillows have in the kitchen? It occurred to me, after looking at an abandoned french memo board on top of my closet, that we should make one of those instead. Mom is really excited about not using the refrigerator as a memo board and all I have to get now is a little bit of foam, some ribbon and a few buttons. I've found various templates online and should have no problem putting my creativity to work to make something she'll love.

Crafting and cooking have both been loves of mine for quite some time and I love the freedom that comes with both. Sure, you can follow a template or recipe to a T, or you can change it up to make it SO completely yours, to fit your needs and wants. With recipes, I tend to do that a lot. Once upon a time I was a timid baker, always following the recipe and measuring everything out carefully. Now a days, I'm more of a spirit baker, and I love it. Basically if my spirit says to add a bit more cinnamon, I do it. If it says to add 1/2 c. of nuts instead of 1/4, then I do it. All of that being said, I love to use great resources like Allrecipes.com as a springboard for my spirit baking. There are SO many wonderful tried and true recipes out there that make it easy to vary.

One such recipe is one that I found here:
http://enlightenedcooking.blogspot.com/2008/06/homemade-cliff-bars-no-bake.html

(Note: I in NO way take credit for her recipes). I was wanting to make some sort of Clif bar/adult granola bar one day and came upon this little gem. Who wants to pay $3 per bar when you can make your own, without all of the added ingredients the Clif company puts in there? I sure do. I started making these bars about a month ago and both my boyfriend and I have enjoyed them very much. The recipe calls for brown rice syrup and I have yet to find that (except online) so I substitute half molasses (NOT blackstrap) and half honey when it calls for the B.S. syrup. I never have any other nut butter on hand except for natural creamy peanut butter and that works just fine. Let me tell you, if you like Clif bars and are looking for an easy and healthy post workout or midday snack, you will LOVE these. I also think it's a great idea to cut them up into individual squares and have them ready to go whenever you need them. I'd love to try some of her variations too and post some of my own. YUM.

Right now I'm working on some sort of blueberry/lemon breakfast bar for my family to take up to the lake this weekend. We'll be doing some Extreme Makeover: Aunt Kay's House Edition, so please pray for the sanity of my mom and I as I'm sure my dad will be going crazy with all of the work we have to do. I'll just have to remember patience, and the art of breathing in and out.

Happy baking/creating/whatever it is you love to do, and I'll be back soon to update you on my latest and greatest endeavors.

:)