Wow...it's been far too long. FAR far too long. Because now I feel like I have to play a catch up game to let everyone who reads this and knows me how I'm doing these days, what's been going on, etc. This dear blog started off on the right foot and I've started many posts but then never finished them, thus leaving large gaps of time where I LOOK like I haven't been thinking/writing/doing things at all. But honestly, this little blog is for me to vent and share and if the world hates that I haven't written in 2 months (which I doubt they do) then that's ok!
Where to begin...hmm. Well there have been many creative projects that I've done this fall and winter break that I'll be sharing in pictures soon. A few have been in the theatre world, such as being in "Juliet and Her Romeo" and directing my own One Act. Two very different and challenging things, yet in the end, I was completely proud to be a part of both. I've also been experimenting with many new dishes and desserts...tis the season for food, and lots of it! Although I've had a few sweets over this break, I've really been focusing on exercise and eating healthy these past few months and since I can see the pay off from that, I haven't let myself slip too far. I did enjoy my granny's chocolate cake roll, filled with mint chocolate chip ice cream-AMAZING. Maybe if I have a small break this summer I can spend a day or two with her and learn these recipes I've grown up with before it's too late.
I suppose that's a good segway into other things that have been happening (especially over Christmas break)-lots of good ol' family family time. And for once, I haven't tried to fight it but simply ENJOY it. I've been at home quite a lot, one reason being that I didn't drive home and we only have one car available between 3 people. Another reason is that I just really want to make memories and spend time with my mom and dad. It's been a wonderful Christmas, but also a tough one because for the first time, David isn't coming home. Last year he came home a few days after Christmas but since he just started his new job, it won't be possible this year. That's just really put Christmas (and holidays in general) in perspective-it's not about the gifts, the money, grandma's pumpkin pie, but really about the people. It's about who you choose to surround yourself with and the love that you all share. For as much as I've resisted against my parents over my lifetime, I keep realizing more and more how completely blessed I am to have them. My dad and I still butt heads on many issues, but I've realized now that's because we're SO alike. If you know my daddy, you know where I get all my goofiness from. And that's ok with me...though I may not tell him that just yet. :) My mom and I have grown closer and talk about things now that only a few years ago I wouldn't have dreamed of. My dad and I had a heart to heart over Thanksgiving and he pointed out some qualities in me that I'm not too proud of, such as ungratefulness and so since then, I've been striving to change that. I NEVER want my parents to feel like I could care less about all they've done for me. That kills me and makes me completely ashamed of myself. I'm SO grateful that my dad and I are at the level where we can share things like that and in this new year, I'm striving to be a more grateful person, not only to them but to others around me.
I've also been thinking a lot of my impending graduation and...THE NEXT STEP (dun dun dunnnnnn!) I can't tell you how many times I've been asked "What are you planning to do after graduation?" and although I'm sick of that question now, I know it'll keep getting asked more and more as April 30th approaches. Honestly, I have no clue. It looks like God is opening a few different doors and now it's just a matter of him shutting the ones that aren't good for me. I'll be auditioning at a huge theatre conference in Atlanta in March, so something could come out of that (aka year-round work acting at a theatre somewhere in America). That would be neat, seeing how that is my major and all. But really, I'm not sure if that's what I'm supposed to be doing right now. My heart is telling me a few different things and right now it's about quieting those other voices, sitting still before God and letting him speak to me. I heard a sermon about being still before God and I realize that while I do praise him and thank him for things, I also tend to beg him and plead with him for things. "God, let your will be done but pleeeease do it right now!!!" How silly is that?? haha...I'm amazed at my stupidity sometimes. Why can't I just be patient and let God work everything out in his timing? So that's what I've been trying to do. It's not easy, and I don't always succeed, but this walk I'm on isn't going to be successful all the time. Probably not even half the time. But God in his AWESOME love is so patient with me and so attentive to the cries of my heart, it's astounding. He STILL continues to be faithful, even when I struggle. He still continues to love, even when I don't feel like it. I could go on and on...all of that to say I'M not planning anything right now, because my plans just tend to fall through. I'm waiting for God to show me THE NEXT STEP, wherever that may be.
Which leads me to my last point, church...(haha, jokes, jokes)...and probably the least important. If I could plan things, then this is what I would plan: go back to Perry Mansfield this coming summer, get married, move to Colorado, and live on a mountain. Oh, and I'd be a fitness trainer also. And possibly teach theatre to the mountain children or something. Or just enjoy every sunset and sunrise on my moutaintop house. Most of those things sound like pretty crazy ideas, except for working at camp again. I can't tell you how much I've missed that place and how much last summer impacted my life. It's insane. A life mission God has given me (which was made SO clear this past summer) is that I'm here to serve God and love people, which is exactly what the pastor out in Steamboat preached on the 2 times I got to go to church. And then God continued to hit me with that fact this fall. That's been further spoke into my life by encouraging people around me and from the girls I had in my cabin. The love they have for me is astounding...it almost knocks me over. I contacted the director of the camp the other day and she told me she'd love to have me back, which only further fuels my desire to go. But what if these are only MY desires? And if I commit to this, then how do I let the auditioners know that I'm actually NOT available for summer like my audition form said, but rather in the fall? I guess if they want me, I could work somewhere in the fall and winter seasons. I think my parents are really wanting me to go for something year round, and that's understandable. But if I'm meant to go to camp, then I really don't want anything to get in the way of that.
As you can tell, I have much thinking to do and even MORE praying...that's what it's been about lately. Praying for God to reveal his plan for me and work out the rest. I can see him doing that in the lives of others and I'm SO completely encouraged. My boyfriend and I are both at a place in our lives where God is going to make some big changes. God's blessing our relationship SO much and it's awesome to see how he's growing us both, yet it's possible that we may have to spend more time apart for jobs and things. We've gotten pretty good at the long distance thing, what with camp all summer and the breaks where I've come home and he hasn't been able to come with me, but it's not all that fun. I am totally thankful how God is using this time away from each other to say to me "Set your sights on me...refocus on ME and I'll give you the desires of your heart. I'm the only one that can do that!" That's a reminder I need daily. We as humans tend to pour ourselves into human relationships because that person is tangible and available and just RIGHT THERE all the time. Then our relationship with God suffers...it can get to be a vicious cycle, especially for me and all my busyness. But when I'm home on breaks and can't see or touch Dan, it's an amazing time for me to reset my mind and get refocused for the months ahead. I always want to put Christ first, then others because that's the only way things are going to work. It's also been causing me to pray for Dan a lot more and in that way, I feel like this 800 mile distance is a whole lot less. I'm just really thankful for Dan and I can't wait to see him in just a little over a week.
All in all, I am a VERY happy and blessed person right now. Friends, family, boyfriend...I am BLESSED. A goal I have for the new year (no resolutions for me!) is to HOPEFULLY update this blog more, seeing as how many exciting things have the potential to happen. I'm believing in God for his best this year and am praying for that in the lives of everyone I know. Go out and be BLESSED today, friends!
