Behind and Before.

This has been one of the best weeks I've had at home so far this summer. I'm trying to enjoy every moment with my friends and family and trying to fit in as many lunches, coffee and dinner dates as I can. There are so many people in my life that I value wholly and completely and before I embark on my Colorado adventure, I need to see as many of them as possible. I just keep thinking of the verse in Psalm 139 about being hemmed in "behind and before"-which translates to me that I have been surrounded by beautiful people. Through all of these wonderful and special times I've enjoyed with many beautiful people, I have come to realize a few things. Well, one main thing really-I am blessed. There's no other way to say it. I just spent 2 of the most lovely days with my second family whom God brought to me through Jr. Miss 3 short years ago. It's crazy how God brings people together sometimes. My younger "sister" is a beautiful dancer, and a few weeks before I stayed in their house for the first time, her ballet teacher told her that her dream for her was to someday study ballet at Belhaven in Jackson, MS. Then I come along, completely unaware of this, and one night we're discussing colleges and where we want to go. I say "I'm going to go to Belhaven College...it's in Jackson, Mississippi and you've probably never heard of it..." I can still see the reaction my host mom Stefanie had on her face when I said that. We knew then that God had truly brought us together. I try to visit them on every break that I'm home but it doesn't always work out. Last year I stayed a few days to help with Tyler's graduation (my younger "brother" who's now going a sophomore in college!) It was SO much fun.


I don't know what was different about this visit, except that maybe I'm a different person. Since that first week I stayed in their house I know that I've grown a lot in my spiritual walk and no longer hold the same opinions and viewpoints as I once did. As a result, I was able to really open up with my "mom" Stefanie and share what was on my heart, and she was able to do the same. It was amazing!

Through experiences I've had at school and home-breakups, friends coming and going, death my family-I've come to realize where my strength comes from. Sadly, I failed to do that many times. I can remember simply being angry at God a few times and refusing to acknowledge him. I also know that I've just forgotten him. Maybe I wasn't consciously doing that, but when I sailed through those storms and reached what I thought was a really great place in my life, that's when my good ol' pride took over and the fact that God brought about all of my blessings was the farthest thing from my mind. Why do I have to be so completely human?! That's definitely one of my biggest frustrations.

But thankfully I have realized my mistakes time and time again, and have been welcomed back into the loving arms of my Abba. And because I've been able to ask forgiveness for my mistakes and put them behind me, I believe that God has opened doors of blessing that wouldn't have been available to me otherwise. This concept of blessing and the realization that God blesses those who follow him has been on my mind lately. Reading Beth Moore's "Believing God" has really solidified my feelings on the matter. She talks a lot about our earthly "Promised Lands" that God makes available to us but all too often, we don't occupy those lands. Instead we settle for something a little more comfortable, a little more safe. When were we ever called to be safe or comfortable? What about this life speaks to that? Personally, God has shown me that is not the route I'm supposed to take. It's more like "Danielle, I'm going to call you to do some crazy things for me and to go places in which you'll know NObody...but trust me, I got you on this one." And I've had to just throw up my hands and say "Ok God, you know better than I do. Let's go." Thus far, I feel like he's really blessed and honored that, and lately I've just been completely FLOORED by his love and, dare I say it again, blessings! I know I sound like I'm beating this concept into the ground, but it frustrates me more than anything when I see really wonderful people around me choosing to live a life that's safe-choosing to settle. Why?! Would you rather sit at home, comfortable, doing really safe things and getting nowhere, or would you rather go on a crazy wild adventure that may have some danger involved? I KNOW I'd rather have the latter, especially because there's the chance to pick up more and more blessings along the way. Here's a section from Beth's "Your Promised Land" chapter that really speaks to this:

Beloved, God has made us promises. Real ones. Numerous ones. Promises of things like all-surpassing power, productivity, peace, and joy while still occupying these jars of clay. Few of us will argue the theory, but why aren't more of us living the reality? Like the children of Israel, I believe many of us are wandering in the wilderness with the Promised Land just on the other side of the river.

Wow. I don't know about you, but that completely convicts me. How many blessings have I missed out on in my life so far? Probably too many to count! I think of all the wrong turns I've made and then my mind wanders to the land of "What If"...like, "What IF I hadn 't dated that person...what could be different about my life right now?" That can be a really dangerous road and really not one that I can afford to travel on for very long. To do that would require me to be filled with doubt, guilt, and sadness and that's just not something I'm interested in. Instead, I want to choose to look at all of those painful and trying situations differently in light of my "Promised Land." I want to look with confidence at the past and be able to know that yes, I've made a lot of mistakes, but I have been saved by grace and no longer want to be stagnant in my walk. In fact, I'm called NOT to be that way! I don't want my butt to be rooted to the couch-I want to MOVE! (As I speak, I'm sitting on the floor...don't judge...haha).

I hope this doesn't sound like some cheesy life coach cheer...I'm don't want that. I just want you to know, whoever you are, that you can move and do AWESOME things and you no longer have to live a life that is boring or unblessed. Claim the promises you were meant to claim and let go of any fears you have. Don't worry, there will be someone to catch you whose arms haven't failed yet.

You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me." Ps. 139:5