Behind and Before.

This has been one of the best weeks I've had at home so far this summer. I'm trying to enjoy every moment with my friends and family and trying to fit in as many lunches, coffee and dinner dates as I can. There are so many people in my life that I value wholly and completely and before I embark on my Colorado adventure, I need to see as many of them as possible. I just keep thinking of the verse in Psalm 139 about being hemmed in "behind and before"-which translates to me that I have been surrounded by beautiful people. Through all of these wonderful and special times I've enjoyed with many beautiful people, I have come to realize a few things. Well, one main thing really-I am blessed. There's no other way to say it. I just spent 2 of the most lovely days with my second family whom God brought to me through Jr. Miss 3 short years ago. It's crazy how God brings people together sometimes. My younger "sister" is a beautiful dancer, and a few weeks before I stayed in their house for the first time, her ballet teacher told her that her dream for her was to someday study ballet at Belhaven in Jackson, MS. Then I come along, completely unaware of this, and one night we're discussing colleges and where we want to go. I say "I'm going to go to Belhaven College...it's in Jackson, Mississippi and you've probably never heard of it..." I can still see the reaction my host mom Stefanie had on her face when I said that. We knew then that God had truly brought us together. I try to visit them on every break that I'm home but it doesn't always work out. Last year I stayed a few days to help with Tyler's graduation (my younger "brother" who's now going a sophomore in college!) It was SO much fun.


I don't know what was different about this visit, except that maybe I'm a different person. Since that first week I stayed in their house I know that I've grown a lot in my spiritual walk and no longer hold the same opinions and viewpoints as I once did. As a result, I was able to really open up with my "mom" Stefanie and share what was on my heart, and she was able to do the same. It was amazing!

Through experiences I've had at school and home-breakups, friends coming and going, death my family-I've come to realize where my strength comes from. Sadly, I failed to do that many times. I can remember simply being angry at God a few times and refusing to acknowledge him. I also know that I've just forgotten him. Maybe I wasn't consciously doing that, but when I sailed through those storms and reached what I thought was a really great place in my life, that's when my good ol' pride took over and the fact that God brought about all of my blessings was the farthest thing from my mind. Why do I have to be so completely human?! That's definitely one of my biggest frustrations.

But thankfully I have realized my mistakes time and time again, and have been welcomed back into the loving arms of my Abba. And because I've been able to ask forgiveness for my mistakes and put them behind me, I believe that God has opened doors of blessing that wouldn't have been available to me otherwise. This concept of blessing and the realization that God blesses those who follow him has been on my mind lately. Reading Beth Moore's "Believing God" has really solidified my feelings on the matter. She talks a lot about our earthly "Promised Lands" that God makes available to us but all too often, we don't occupy those lands. Instead we settle for something a little more comfortable, a little more safe. When were we ever called to be safe or comfortable? What about this life speaks to that? Personally, God has shown me that is not the route I'm supposed to take. It's more like "Danielle, I'm going to call you to do some crazy things for me and to go places in which you'll know NObody...but trust me, I got you on this one." And I've had to just throw up my hands and say "Ok God, you know better than I do. Let's go." Thus far, I feel like he's really blessed and honored that, and lately I've just been completely FLOORED by his love and, dare I say it again, blessings! I know I sound like I'm beating this concept into the ground, but it frustrates me more than anything when I see really wonderful people around me choosing to live a life that's safe-choosing to settle. Why?! Would you rather sit at home, comfortable, doing really safe things and getting nowhere, or would you rather go on a crazy wild adventure that may have some danger involved? I KNOW I'd rather have the latter, especially because there's the chance to pick up more and more blessings along the way. Here's a section from Beth's "Your Promised Land" chapter that really speaks to this:

Beloved, God has made us promises. Real ones. Numerous ones. Promises of things like all-surpassing power, productivity, peace, and joy while still occupying these jars of clay. Few of us will argue the theory, but why aren't more of us living the reality? Like the children of Israel, I believe many of us are wandering in the wilderness with the Promised Land just on the other side of the river.

Wow. I don't know about you, but that completely convicts me. How many blessings have I missed out on in my life so far? Probably too many to count! I think of all the wrong turns I've made and then my mind wanders to the land of "What If"...like, "What IF I hadn 't dated that person...what could be different about my life right now?" That can be a really dangerous road and really not one that I can afford to travel on for very long. To do that would require me to be filled with doubt, guilt, and sadness and that's just not something I'm interested in. Instead, I want to choose to look at all of those painful and trying situations differently in light of my "Promised Land." I want to look with confidence at the past and be able to know that yes, I've made a lot of mistakes, but I have been saved by grace and no longer want to be stagnant in my walk. In fact, I'm called NOT to be that way! I don't want my butt to be rooted to the couch-I want to MOVE! (As I speak, I'm sitting on the floor...don't judge...haha).

I hope this doesn't sound like some cheesy life coach cheer...I'm don't want that. I just want you to know, whoever you are, that you can move and do AWESOME things and you no longer have to live a life that is boring or unblessed. Claim the promises you were meant to claim and let go of any fears you have. Don't worry, there will be someone to catch you whose arms haven't failed yet.

You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me." Ps. 139:5

Surprises, smoothies, sunshine.

I can't even say how happy I am that the sun is FINALLY out! After 3 days of rain and cloudiness the sun has made a glorious reappearance and I've already spent some time out in it, working on my chair and reading poetry.

After a really cloudy/drizzly day yesterday, the sun actually appeared and I took advantage of that and rode my bike for almost an hour. It was dusk when my ride ended, and with such a clear evening I knew there was one thing I had to do-swing. I haven't done that yet since I've been home and it's one of my most favorite activities. I can't really explain how freeing it is to be able to pump your legs and go really really high, feeling weightless as you free fall towards the earth time and time again. I've done some of my deepest thinking on my favorite swing. Sometimes I recall some of my most treasured memories and other times I daydream of the future and some of the most significant moments that are yet to come-falling in love, being proposed to, looking into my husband's eyes as I walk down the aisle, holding my first child. Yes, that probably sounds pretty corny but what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic with an active imagination! Swinging is also a time where I can just clear my mind, let my hair down, kick my shoes off and let go of everything. It's beautiful! I think I need to swing tonight...

My good friend/mentor Amanda had her baby shower this past Sunday, and I was working like mad to get her gift done in time but it just didn't happen. That's ok though-the finishing touches I took the time to add really pulled it together and made it look a whole lot better than I thought it would. (This is the "special surprise" I alluded to in my other postings). Here is the stroller blanket I made in Ohio State colors (their favorite college team...mine too!) complete with a hole in the middle for the stroller buckle to go through. I found the pattern in "The Happy Hooker" (a funky and amazing book full of cute crochet patterns!)


And her are more muffins! These were apple cinnamon...made with apples, apple juice and I substituted applesauce for oil. Yum! (These are also yummy with coffee...)


And last of all, the Berry Berry smoothie I made yesterday...smoothieweb.com has some GREAT recipes I'd love to try and yesterday I combined raspberries, blueberries, strawberries and blackberries with a little milk and vanilla yogurt and it was delicious! New obsession=making smoothies. Today I'm going to try a soy and blueberry concoction!


Today is supposed to be another stormy day...I hope it doesn't ruin the picnic Rachel, Lindsay and I have planned! Watermelon, pasta salad, pie and a mystery entree makes for an amazing time with friends. I feel like God has blessed me completely on all sides with beautiful people...those who build me up, call me out when I'm wrong, and pray for me...and in return I can do all of that for them, because we all have the foundation of Christ. God has been good to me.

Oh, Love That Will Not Let Me Go.

I've discovered the cover of this song by Robbie Seay Band, and I can't stop listening to it. Sometimes God uses a combination of his unchanging word and music from those who have been called to worship to cause us to refocus and start our week off right.

Oh, Love That Will Not Let Me Go

O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

Rejoice my heart, rejoice my soul, my Savior God has come to thee,
Rejoice my heart, you've been made whole, by a love that will not let you go.

More endeavors of the creative types.

Hello friends.

I've discovered a few things this week:

-There are truly nice guys left in this world.
-God is even BETTER than the nicest boy!
-"Love like you've never been hurt."
-Don't leave muffins with berries in them on the counter...berries need to be refrigerated, because they spoil...bottom line: refrigerate berry muffins!
-Time with friends is priceless, but time spent with gross people isn't worth much. And it just makes you feel dirty.
-Scraping lead paint off of an old chair takes TIME.
-Working out for the first time in a long while feels amazingly painful...and sometimes, you almost feel like you want to barf. But it'll be all ok when you become a boxer.
-Coffee has healing powers.
-We have hopes and dreams for a reason...some of them may seem silly or irrational but who knows what will become of them someday. In the meantime, write them down. In fact, write EVERYTHING down that you think may be semi-important.


Here are some creative things that happened this week!

Rachel and I had a supper yummy dinner on Thursday...grilled chicken salad with fresh tomato and delicious dressing! And then dirty rice later. Mmmmm-mmmm.

To save a little money, I've made a few cards for different showers and events that have happened recently. They were really easy and super fun!

The inside of the top 2 cards:

Chocolate cupcakes with a chocolate center I made for a birthday party my good friend Colleen hosted...allrecipes.com gave me yet another yummy recipe!

Frosted!

And that's all for this week, folks! But a new week is coming, with new adventures, new creative projects (special project is almost done!) and lots of new things to discover! With the way things are going lately, I think I'm quite excited....

Letting go.

Thanks for giving me yet ANOTHER rainy, cold day, Ohio! I put on shorts this morning despite the crappy weather, in hopes that they might conjure up lovely weather but NO. Of course not.

This morning was really fun...I took my scones and muffins to Abby's house and a group of us helped her address her wedding invitation envelopes. It was fun to catch up with that group of women, and the coffee, laughs and good food made it even better. The strawberry trifle Abby made was DElicious!

The day didn't really start out wonderfully for me. I had a dream about an ex and his girlfriend, and I just had this horrible sad feeling the entire time. Dreams are so odd...for some reason, we were all in my grandparent's living room and they were just going on and on about all of this stuff and I think I was trying to put things in my backpack as quickly as I could so I could just get out of there...it was SO awkward. I remember thinking that later I was going to go somewhere and cry. I've never had an interaction with them in real life (I think God has truly protected my heart from witnessing that), so this was a little random. I haven't cried about this for a long time...ever since the day I found out about them and proceeded to rip everything up he ever gave me (probably the most dramatic/ridiculous thing I'd ever done, but it was healing, let me tell you!).

Luckily, I didn't wake up crying. Or cry after I woke up. It took a bit to clear my head and realize yes, it's true, they're dating but by the grace of God we will never be forced to be in the same room...especially not my grandparents living room! Needless to say my focus was completely screwed and I just kept mulling things over in my head...things I thought I was done with. After a break up, there are certain thoughts that completely captivate your mind. You run over things a million and one times, but at the end of the day, you're still faced with an emptiness, and the fact that you are alone once again. I remember being alright during the day (except when I heard a car go by my window with exceptionally loud bass) but night time was the worst...having to just LIE there with your thoughts for hours on end was horrible. I cried most nights and basically got every tear I ever had out of my body. It was QUITE exhausting. And I wasn't just crying over this relationship that had ended...it was the friendship behind it also. I was faced with the daunting task of taking my heart back from someone who had had it for far too long...a heart I'd willingly allowed this person to hold when they really didn't even deserve it.

I have many moments where I fail, and I'm simply a meanie butthead, but for the most part I consider myself to be a loving and forgiving person. I think I heard a quote once that spoke to the fact that the bigger heart a person has, the more it'll hurt when it breaks. And for some reason, the people with the big hearts get taken advantage of more often, thus resulting in broken hearts that have a harder time healing with each new wound. I battered myself with degrading thoughts, watched movies to make me cry even more, and basically hated being at school. HATED it. It quite literally made me ill to be there and the closer it got to Christmas break, more urgent was the need for me to run as fast as I could home.

Healing didn't begin to come until I was home and far, far away from any house on a street corner, from memories that cropped up at the oddest of times. I was surrounded by love...by people who loved me and valued me. People who have always done that, and who will continue to do so until we all die. When I began to let go...or at least loosen the grip a bit...things began to look up. It helped we didn't talk at all-praise GOD for that! (I have a tangent about that, but this post is already long enough...haha) Even after I got back to school, things just started to look up...once again, I attributed that to God and my relationship with him that just kept growing. I mean, who else did I have that created me and knows me entirely? No one.

All of that to say that eventually the tears dried...because honestly, they were being wasted on the wrong person. That sounds really harsh, but when you can see things in hindsight, there's no need to mince words. I looked back over our relationship, over all of my failed relationships, and reassessed all of these really "great" elements to each one that really aren't so great at all. Not even in the least. And I've come to the conclusion (from the Word of God and people he brings in my life to encourage me) that I haven't been treated right in any of my relationships. Save for my dad and brother and a few other males, there are have far too many guys who've treated me like crap, simply because they can, and that's just NOT ok. None of them deserve my tears, my thoughts, my hopes or dreams. Far too many of them are little boys who THINK they're men, pretending to be something they're not. It makes me so mad that too many guys don't TRULY take a look at themselves before they even think about trying to enter into a relationship. You just can't be in a healthy relationship if you haven't first worked on yourself...sheesh, that's turning into another tangent!

Anyway...all that to say this day has turned out to be much better than I initially thought it would. I've been surrounded by people who care, and who have repeatedly confirmed in my life that I am worth something. A thought came to me...I am worth SO much more than the worth I've been "assigned" by those who have taken advantage of me.

And I—in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness. Ps. 17

New day, new project, new thoughts...

Today was lovely. And rainy. And basically perfect for coffee and brunch!

I woke up at 10:30, which is extremely rare for me. At school it's safe to say I would wake up at 7:30 every weekend-literally NO rest for the weary. But now that I'm at home and stress free, I can finally REST! And create! And do whatever I want! Sigh. It's quite nice.

This morning I was doing a little devotional on the thought of KNOWING. That sounds kind of strange, but lately all of these "unknowns" have been placed before me. I'm not really stressing about them, because I know in the end God will work it all out, but still...nothing is sure. How am I supposed to know if I'm listening to the right voice? How can I be sure the steps I'm taking are the right ones? I can really get lost in the questions and doubts at times, which mostly happens when my focus is in the wrong place. For me, the only things I can do to keep those creeping, doubting feelings at bay is a lot of prayer, seeking answers and comfort in the Bible, and just being still, and LISTENING. (That's a liiitle hard for me...I'll admit it.) It's really comforting to know that I don't have to have it all figured out-it's not my job. And I would suck at it anyway!

"I know that you can do all things, no plan of yours can be thwarted...Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." Job 42

"Be still and know that I am God." Ps. 46

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Ps. 139


I was a bit bummed I couldn't work on my chair more because of the rain, but I still got a lot of other things done. I was able to clean off my newest project, take pictures of hats we have from the 20s, semi-mostly-unpack all of my JUNK from school, and work a little more on a special project for this weekend (pictures to come later!) Here are some before and after shots of the bathroom armoire that belonged to my great-grandma. Apparently it was painted with "milk paint" (luckily not toxic like lead paint) so the next step after cleaning is to sand it down and remove some of the paint that's peeling off. There are also a few places where the wood is warped, so I think I'm going to go to Lowe's in the next few days to find some thin masonite or something to replace it with. Sadly it's too big to go with me to the 'Plex, but I think once it's fixed up I'll put it in my room here at home and take a different bookshelf down there instead.

Before I cleaned it...

After!

The inside...

The sides that have to be replaced...

And random glasses I found that may be coming with me to the south!

Half off day tomorrow at Salvation Army...adorable mustard yellow adorable ottoman here I come! I'm also going to make more Mixed Berry Oatmeal muffins (this time making them with raspberries) and try my hand again at Chocolate Chip scones for a girls' brunch in the morning. I can't wait! (Once again, check out allrecipes.com for these yummy recipes!)

The first creative adventures of the summer.

With yesterday being Mother's Day, it inspired me to start my creative endeavors. For the past few years I wake up and make breakfast for my mum on Sunday morning, and each year I try to do something a little different. Sometimes it's pancakes and a fruit medley, other times waffles and yogurt. This year I decided on Quiche Lorraine and Mixed Berry Oatmeal muffins (thank you allrecipes.com, my favorite site for yummy recipes!). I also made her a little card, which only took a few minutes to make, but I really like how it turned out. I love my mama quite a lot...she still makes my bed for some reason, and I can talk to her about a lot of different things. She shows me everyday what it's like to walk with Jesus, and I love that. She's completely silly and goofy and I really respect her for all she does. It may not be Mother's Day anymore, but I think I'm going to give her a great big hug tonight.



The crust turned out a little burnt, but the inside was fluffy! For the muffins, I added both blueberries and strawberries and substituted applesauce for vegetable oil. We also ran out of flour so I just used a little Bisquick...you couldn't tell a difference! A day later they're still moist and taste great with coffee.

For the duplex I'm renting with 2 of my best friends this upcoming school year, I found the perfect dining room chair in my family's basement that I'm going to paint and possibly distress. I've never distressed anything before, so this could be quite the adventure. Here's the before picture:

Back view

Front view

Yep, it's a rough little piece, but I love it to death! I cleaned it off today and scraped a few layers of paint off (I think it's been painted at least 5 times) and it's looking a lot better! It's what my favorite author Edward Monkton might call "a richly charactered individual." I'm still deciding what color to paint it and such but when I do, I'll let you know. Definitely thinking a mustardy yellow right now...the big question is: to distress or NOT to distress?

Oh dear.

Um...hello world?

I don't really know how I'm supposed to start one of these things out, so I'm just going to take a cue from "Julie and Julia" and just GO for it.

I've been wanting to start one of these for awhile, because I'm an avid creator/journaler/thinker, and sometimes I just feel like shouting my thoughts out to the world. Whether anyone reads those thoughts is yet to be seen, but I'd like to give it a shot.

I consider myself to be "touched" with a slight dose of creative ADD and natural energy, and so this will also be a place for me to post pictures and things of various projects I've started...and hope to finish. I have 3 different projects I'm planning on posting-any feedback or encouragement would be appreciated.

I'm also going to be a camp counselor in Colorado starting June 13th, and this will be a handy way for people who care about me to keep up with all of my adventures there. I'm SO excited!

Above all, I am discovering daily whom the true love of my life is-Christ. I'd also like to use this place as an outlet to write any thoughts or words He's given me in trying to figure out my plan and purpose in this life. I certainly don't have all of the answers, but I have to believe that the heart wrenching experiences He's lead me to thus far has given me at least a touch of wisdom...or something. Any thoughts that I share on topics such as love, life, boys, prayer, relationships in general, creativity...all come from Jesus. And if there be any error in them, PLEASE let me know!

Here's a bit of encouragement/challenge for the day:

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your Word." Ps. 119

Time to paint, get sandpaper for my dining room chair, and clean (aka unpack my bags from school). Happy creating!