Wow...it's been far too long. FAR far too long. Because now I feel like I have to play a catch up game to let everyone who reads this and knows me how I'm doing these days, what's been going on, etc. This dear blog started off on the right foot and I've started many posts but then never finished them, thus leaving large gaps of time where I LOOK like I haven't been thinking/writing/doing things at all. But honestly, this little blog is for me to vent and share and if the world hates that I haven't written in 2 months (which I doubt they do) then that's ok!
Where to begin...hmm. Well there have been many creative projects that I've done this fall and winter break that I'll be sharing in pictures soon. A few have been in the theatre world, such as being in "Juliet and Her Romeo" and directing my own One Act. Two very different and challenging things, yet in the end, I was completely proud to be a part of both. I've also been experimenting with many new dishes and desserts...tis the season for food, and lots of it! Although I've had a few sweets over this break, I've really been focusing on exercise and eating healthy these past few months and since I can see the pay off from that, I haven't let myself slip too far. I did enjoy my granny's chocolate cake roll, filled with mint chocolate chip ice cream-AMAZING. Maybe if I have a small break this summer I can spend a day or two with her and learn these recipes I've grown up with before it's too late.
I suppose that's a good segway into other things that have been happening (especially over Christmas break)-lots of good ol' family family time. And for once, I haven't tried to fight it but simply ENJOY it. I've been at home quite a lot, one reason being that I didn't drive home and we only have one car available between 3 people. Another reason is that I just really want to make memories and spend time with my mom and dad. It's been a wonderful Christmas, but also a tough one because for the first time, David isn't coming home. Last year he came home a few days after Christmas but since he just started his new job, it won't be possible this year. That's just really put Christmas (and holidays in general) in perspective-it's not about the gifts, the money, grandma's pumpkin pie, but really about the people. It's about who you choose to surround yourself with and the love that you all share. For as much as I've resisted against my parents over my lifetime, I keep realizing more and more how completely blessed I am to have them. My dad and I still butt heads on many issues, but I've realized now that's because we're SO alike. If you know my daddy, you know where I get all my goofiness from. And that's ok with me...though I may not tell him that just yet. :) My mom and I have grown closer and talk about things now that only a few years ago I wouldn't have dreamed of. My dad and I had a heart to heart over Thanksgiving and he pointed out some qualities in me that I'm not too proud of, such as ungratefulness and so since then, I've been striving to change that. I NEVER want my parents to feel like I could care less about all they've done for me. That kills me and makes me completely ashamed of myself. I'm SO grateful that my dad and I are at the level where we can share things like that and in this new year, I'm striving to be a more grateful person, not only to them but to others around me.
I've also been thinking a lot of my impending graduation and...THE NEXT STEP (dun dun dunnnnnn!) I can't tell you how many times I've been asked "What are you planning to do after graduation?" and although I'm sick of that question now, I know it'll keep getting asked more and more as April 30th approaches. Honestly, I have no clue. It looks like God is opening a few different doors and now it's just a matter of him shutting the ones that aren't good for me. I'll be auditioning at a huge theatre conference in Atlanta in March, so something could come out of that (aka year-round work acting at a theatre somewhere in America). That would be neat, seeing how that is my major and all. But really, I'm not sure if that's what I'm supposed to be doing right now. My heart is telling me a few different things and right now it's about quieting those other voices, sitting still before God and letting him speak to me. I heard a sermon about being still before God and I realize that while I do praise him and thank him for things, I also tend to beg him and plead with him for things. "God, let your will be done but pleeeease do it right now!!!" How silly is that?? haha...I'm amazed at my stupidity sometimes. Why can't I just be patient and let God work everything out in his timing? So that's what I've been trying to do. It's not easy, and I don't always succeed, but this walk I'm on isn't going to be successful all the time. Probably not even half the time. But God in his AWESOME love is so patient with me and so attentive to the cries of my heart, it's astounding. He STILL continues to be faithful, even when I struggle. He still continues to love, even when I don't feel like it. I could go on and on...all of that to say I'M not planning anything right now, because my plans just tend to fall through. I'm waiting for God to show me THE NEXT STEP, wherever that may be.
Which leads me to my last point, church...(haha, jokes, jokes)...and probably the least important. If I could plan things, then this is what I would plan: go back to Perry Mansfield this coming summer, get married, move to Colorado, and live on a mountain. Oh, and I'd be a fitness trainer also. And possibly teach theatre to the mountain children or something. Or just enjoy every sunset and sunrise on my moutaintop house. Most of those things sound like pretty crazy ideas, except for working at camp again. I can't tell you how much I've missed that place and how much last summer impacted my life. It's insane. A life mission God has given me (which was made SO clear this past summer) is that I'm here to serve God and love people, which is exactly what the pastor out in Steamboat preached on the 2 times I got to go to church. And then God continued to hit me with that fact this fall. That's been further spoke into my life by encouraging people around me and from the girls I had in my cabin. The love they have for me is astounding...it almost knocks me over. I contacted the director of the camp the other day and she told me she'd love to have me back, which only further fuels my desire to go. But what if these are only MY desires? And if I commit to this, then how do I let the auditioners know that I'm actually NOT available for summer like my audition form said, but rather in the fall? I guess if they want me, I could work somewhere in the fall and winter seasons. I think my parents are really wanting me to go for something year round, and that's understandable. But if I'm meant to go to camp, then I really don't want anything to get in the way of that.
As you can tell, I have much thinking to do and even MORE praying...that's what it's been about lately. Praying for God to reveal his plan for me and work out the rest. I can see him doing that in the lives of others and I'm SO completely encouraged. My boyfriend and I are both at a place in our lives where God is going to make some big changes. God's blessing our relationship SO much and it's awesome to see how he's growing us both, yet it's possible that we may have to spend more time apart for jobs and things. We've gotten pretty good at the long distance thing, what with camp all summer and the breaks where I've come home and he hasn't been able to come with me, but it's not all that fun. I am totally thankful how God is using this time away from each other to say to me "Set your sights on me...refocus on ME and I'll give you the desires of your heart. I'm the only one that can do that!" That's a reminder I need daily. We as humans tend to pour ourselves into human relationships because that person is tangible and available and just RIGHT THERE all the time. Then our relationship with God suffers...it can get to be a vicious cycle, especially for me and all my busyness. But when I'm home on breaks and can't see or touch Dan, it's an amazing time for me to reset my mind and get refocused for the months ahead. I always want to put Christ first, then others because that's the only way things are going to work. It's also been causing me to pray for Dan a lot more and in that way, I feel like this 800 mile distance is a whole lot less. I'm just really thankful for Dan and I can't wait to see him in just a little over a week.
All in all, I am a VERY happy and blessed person right now. Friends, family, boyfriend...I am BLESSED. A goal I have for the new year (no resolutions for me!) is to HOPEFULLY update this blog more, seeing as how many exciting things have the potential to happen. I'm believing in God for his best this year and am praying for that in the lives of everyone I know. Go out and be BLESSED today, friends!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Thank you. This is another perfect morning.
Ahhhh Sundays.
I love them QUITE a lot. I was a heathen today and didn't go to church, but instead I'm taking God's command for "rest" on the Sabbath quite seriously. This week has been absolutely insane..."Juliet and her Romeo" opens this coming Thursday. As mentioned in my last post, this whole process has been quite frustrating and hard and much of the stress this week has been finding time to memorize lines amidst the 800 other things I have to do. But God has been faithful, and has given me time with him and He's given people around me words of encouragement to share with me. I couldn't have made it through ANYTHING this week without the endless prayers offered up on my behalf. If you thought of me this week and prayed for me, THANK YOU. It helped.
Yesterday was one of the longest/hardest/most complicated days I've ever had in the theatre world and I'm glad it's over. It started out before 8am and then with a work call at 9am. We were supposed to have another tech rehearsal in the morning, but there was a lot that had to be done for our techs in the afternoon so the morning was spent cleaning up the Flex and finishing up all sorts of little projects. Tessa and I (a fellow castmate and senior whom I love entirely and completely) were working on small cleaning projects (aka moving lots of heavy boards and masonite) when we got excused to go hand out posters for the show, seeing as how that's my job, being the Publicity Coordinator and all. So for about an hour we drove around Jackson like MAD, handing out about fifteen posters or so and we didn't get rejected ONCE! We were looking quite rough, but despite that we got hit on at a gas station ("Hey pretty ladies...do you like tattoos?" Classy) and all of these older men who owned shops but up our posters with smiles and reassuring arm pats. Tessa even got some of Tybalt's lines quoted to her! Needless to say it was one of the best and most productive hours of this week.
Our first tech started at 2...but we didn't get on the stage until around 3. This was the first time ALL of the elements were being used-lights, costumes, hair, makeup (which is crazy AWESOME)...all of that wonderful stuff that makes up a show. It was more than a little overwhelming at times. I really don't think I've been in a show that's been so completely complicated. I really do love the concept and how we're presenting something as classic as "Romeo and Juliet", but only incorporating everything this close to opening is, well, overwhelming. That's the only word I can use to describe it...besides stressful I suppose. Surprisingly though, it did go pretty well. We got through about half of the show (some parts rougher than others) in 3 hours, came back at 7:30 with a go time of 8, and got through the rest of the show by 10. I had really minimal help with lines...they're all in my head but I was just getting so worn out it was hard to keep everything straight. Hopefully I'll have really sharp recall during the show...
All of that to say, I slept in a bit this morning (9am...that's good for me!) and had some wonderful alone time with Jesus. It was so good just to bask in his love, to be thankful to him for all he's done for me. I re-read Ps. 118 for the millionth time this week and my heart was encouraged and I was once again reminded to give thanks to God in ALL things. No matter what the circumstance, no matter what I'm going through, no matter how hard life may seem.
And to be thankful for each day...
(Emphasis all mine).
I have been blessed and surrounded on every side by good things...it's astounding! God gives me these wonderful mornings alone with him to re-center, re-focus and commit myself to him. I would be happy all of my days if I could spend every morning like today-oatmeal, yummy coffee in a cute mug, and unlimited time to spend in the Word and journaling. It's almost noon now, but I'm in some of my comfiest clothes, listening to my Alexi Murdoch Pandora station on my back porch, completely content to listen to the sounds of nature all around me...God is SO good.
I love them QUITE a lot. I was a heathen today and didn't go to church, but instead I'm taking God's command for "rest" on the Sabbath quite seriously. This week has been absolutely insane..."Juliet and her Romeo" opens this coming Thursday. As mentioned in my last post, this whole process has been quite frustrating and hard and much of the stress this week has been finding time to memorize lines amidst the 800 other things I have to do. But God has been faithful, and has given me time with him and He's given people around me words of encouragement to share with me. I couldn't have made it through ANYTHING this week without the endless prayers offered up on my behalf. If you thought of me this week and prayed for me, THANK YOU. It helped.
Yesterday was one of the longest/hardest/most complicated days I've ever had in the theatre world and I'm glad it's over. It started out before 8am and then with a work call at 9am. We were supposed to have another tech rehearsal in the morning, but there was a lot that had to be done for our techs in the afternoon so the morning was spent cleaning up the Flex and finishing up all sorts of little projects. Tessa and I (a fellow castmate and senior whom I love entirely and completely) were working on small cleaning projects (aka moving lots of heavy boards and masonite) when we got excused to go hand out posters for the show, seeing as how that's my job, being the Publicity Coordinator and all. So for about an hour we drove around Jackson like MAD, handing out about fifteen posters or so and we didn't get rejected ONCE! We were looking quite rough, but despite that we got hit on at a gas station ("Hey pretty ladies...do you like tattoos?" Classy) and all of these older men who owned shops but up our posters with smiles and reassuring arm pats. Tessa even got some of Tybalt's lines quoted to her! Needless to say it was one of the best and most productive hours of this week.
Our first tech started at 2...but we didn't get on the stage until around 3. This was the first time ALL of the elements were being used-lights, costumes, hair, makeup (which is crazy AWESOME)...all of that wonderful stuff that makes up a show. It was more than a little overwhelming at times. I really don't think I've been in a show that's been so completely complicated. I really do love the concept and how we're presenting something as classic as "Romeo and Juliet", but only incorporating everything this close to opening is, well, overwhelming. That's the only word I can use to describe it...besides stressful I suppose. Surprisingly though, it did go pretty well. We got through about half of the show (some parts rougher than others) in 3 hours, came back at 7:30 with a go time of 8, and got through the rest of the show by 10. I had really minimal help with lines...they're all in my head but I was just getting so worn out it was hard to keep everything straight. Hopefully I'll have really sharp recall during the show...
All of that to say, I slept in a bit this morning (9am...that's good for me!) and had some wonderful alone time with Jesus. It was so good just to bask in his love, to be thankful to him for all he's done for me. I re-read Ps. 118 for the millionth time this week and my heart was encouraged and I was once again reminded to give thanks to God in ALL things. No matter what the circumstance, no matter what I'm going through, no matter how hard life may seem.
"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is GOOD. His love endures FOREVER."
And to be thankful for each day...
"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us REJOICE and BE GLAD in it."
(Emphasis all mine).
I have been blessed and surrounded on every side by good things...it's astounding! God gives me these wonderful mornings alone with him to re-center, re-focus and commit myself to him. I would be happy all of my days if I could spend every morning like today-oatmeal, yummy coffee in a cute mug, and unlimited time to spend in the Word and journaling. It's almost noon now, but I'm in some of my comfiest clothes, listening to my Alexi Murdoch Pandora station on my back porch, completely content to listen to the sounds of nature all around me...God is SO good.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
In short....
God is good, and has been blessing me immensely.
I know it's been far too long since I've written. I've been meaning to and started a post back in mid-September, but, as you can see, it never got published. Oops. Let me tell you, life has been non-stop CRAZY since I got back to school August 8th. Leaving Colorado began the craziness. There were SO many tears, and I basically cried the entire 3 hour bus ride from Steamboat to Denver. (That was on the 7th). The next morning I left Denver for Louisville, KY around 6 am, where my mom met me with my car full of stuff and we drove on to good ol' Jackson, Mississippi. I was SO thankful that my roomies and I had moved the majority of our stuff to our precious little duplex back in May, but I still felt like I brought tons of crap with me. (I'm trying not to think about moving out in a mere 7 months...). Mom only stayed a day to get me settled in and then headed back to Ohio. It was hard not to be able to my daddy too...the job he has now just takes him ALL over and he doesn't have as much vacation time as he used to. Thank GOODNESS for Skype:)
Since then, school has started and once again, my planner is continually getting filled with more and more stuff. I'm taking Directing, Improv Comedy, Photography, Pilates, Scriptwriting and Worship Team. I feel like it's a healthy (and random) mix of classes and, in short, I love it. Photography is something I've enjoyed for quite awhile, but learning about the workings of a 35mm camera and having to do everything with my hands is amazing, and a beautiful art form different from anything in the theatre. I love that...I love doing things outside my major because I believe it's quite beneficial to be well rounded. I've gotten over my fear of rolling film onto a reel and screwing it up, and now I can process in under an hour. Woohoo! My photography teacher Gretchen has really liked my photos and now it's just a matter of refining my skills in the dark room. My final documentary project is due in less than a month so I need to just start shooting things that interest me and maybe in that a documentary idea will form.
I'm currently on fall break, and I can't even tell you how needed this is. I don't know how I lived without it in High School. I'm starting to feel my annual fall cold coming on, so now is a perfect time to stop rushing about and just REST. And breathe...breathing would be nice. There are many wonderful things to be thankful for: amazing roommates, renewed friendships, NEW friendships, a deeper relationship with Christ, beautiful weather, a wonderful and amazing boyfriend, lovely family...I think I could just go on forever. One of the lessons Christ is trying to teach me is to thank him more. All too often I get caught up in asking and asking and asking him for things, without even a thought directed towards him in thanks. How stupid is that? He's given me everything, and I can't even offer up a simple "thank you", or thank him with my life by spending time with him each day? Amidst this busyness it's been quite the struggle to stop what I'm doing and read his Word. It also frustrates me that I can attempt to memorize Shakespeare all day long but don't take the time to memorize the Bible, which is the defense he's given me against the enemy. Stupid human. Thankfully, his love and mercy are new every morning and I have a chance EVERYDAY to renew my commitment to him. I'm learning!
My attitude towards one particular area of my life hasn't been the best lately, and I'm thinking I need to change that very soon. I'm involved in a show right now that, quite honestly, I hate. I have never been so frustrated with a process as I am with this one. Me and 7 other actors are attempting to do the story of "Romeo and Juliet" and that is proving to be QUITE the task. I play a million different parts and have about a million lines to match that. This last minute rush to memorize lines is basically my fault, because I wasn't really sure if this show would actually come to fruition. We're less than 2 weeks from opening night and it seems to be moving ahead, so I think I should probably start learning my parts. I've been trying to cram as much in my brain the last 2 days and still have 2 more days to do the latter half of the play...it's killing me. I just feel as if I'm getting no direction or help or any encouragement really. It's just frustrating. But I have to buckle down and learn these lines one way or another...
Right now I'm enjoying a wonderful time with friends. I made pumpkin milkshakes...vanilla ice cream, pumpkin pie filling, vanilla extract, cinnamon and pumpkin pie spice. We couldn't find pumpkin pie ice cream in the store (seasonal FAIL) but this turned out to be really tasty! I think we'll be making these again soon. It's SO nice to be able to cook in my own little kitchen and have a place to rest...away from the craziness of school. I'll have to put up pictures at some point. The decor of our house is very random and eclectic, but I love it. Most of the furniture has been given to us or found by the side of the road. The thrill of finding a large desk and shelf unit can't be compared to many other things...
It's taken me 2 days to publish this post, so I better do it before I lose any more steam. Life is very wonderful (although very odd at times...aka an ex getting engaged) and I'm quite happy with where God has placed me. It's both exciting and frightening, but if there's one thing I've learned from this adventure so far, is that he's got my back and he won't leave me to fend for myself. My heart's dream is to go back to Colorado, but does that line up with what God wants for me?
I can't really say. For now, I'm not going to worry, but instead am going to enjoy everything as it comes, such as delicious decaf coffee with a spot of Creme Brulee creamer and a movie with the room-bug. Oh, and maybe I'll try to enjoy these lines I'm memorizing...
I know it's been far too long since I've written. I've been meaning to and started a post back in mid-September, but, as you can see, it never got published. Oops. Let me tell you, life has been non-stop CRAZY since I got back to school August 8th. Leaving Colorado began the craziness. There were SO many tears, and I basically cried the entire 3 hour bus ride from Steamboat to Denver. (That was on the 7th). The next morning I left Denver for Louisville, KY around 6 am, where my mom met me with my car full of stuff and we drove on to good ol' Jackson, Mississippi. I was SO thankful that my roomies and I had moved the majority of our stuff to our precious little duplex back in May, but I still felt like I brought tons of crap with me. (I'm trying not to think about moving out in a mere 7 months...). Mom only stayed a day to get me settled in and then headed back to Ohio. It was hard not to be able to my daddy too...the job he has now just takes him ALL over and he doesn't have as much vacation time as he used to. Thank GOODNESS for Skype:)
Since then, school has started and once again, my planner is continually getting filled with more and more stuff. I'm taking Directing, Improv Comedy, Photography, Pilates, Scriptwriting and Worship Team. I feel like it's a healthy (and random) mix of classes and, in short, I love it. Photography is something I've enjoyed for quite awhile, but learning about the workings of a 35mm camera and having to do everything with my hands is amazing, and a beautiful art form different from anything in the theatre. I love that...I love doing things outside my major because I believe it's quite beneficial to be well rounded. I've gotten over my fear of rolling film onto a reel and screwing it up, and now I can process in under an hour. Woohoo! My photography teacher Gretchen has really liked my photos and now it's just a matter of refining my skills in the dark room. My final documentary project is due in less than a month so I need to just start shooting things that interest me and maybe in that a documentary idea will form.
I'm currently on fall break, and I can't even tell you how needed this is. I don't know how I lived without it in High School. I'm starting to feel my annual fall cold coming on, so now is a perfect time to stop rushing about and just REST. And breathe...breathing would be nice. There are many wonderful things to be thankful for: amazing roommates, renewed friendships, NEW friendships, a deeper relationship with Christ, beautiful weather, a wonderful and amazing boyfriend, lovely family...I think I could just go on forever. One of the lessons Christ is trying to teach me is to thank him more. All too often I get caught up in asking and asking and asking him for things, without even a thought directed towards him in thanks. How stupid is that? He's given me everything, and I can't even offer up a simple "thank you", or thank him with my life by spending time with him each day? Amidst this busyness it's been quite the struggle to stop what I'm doing and read his Word. It also frustrates me that I can attempt to memorize Shakespeare all day long but don't take the time to memorize the Bible, which is the defense he's given me against the enemy. Stupid human. Thankfully, his love and mercy are new every morning and I have a chance EVERYDAY to renew my commitment to him. I'm learning!
My attitude towards one particular area of my life hasn't been the best lately, and I'm thinking I need to change that very soon. I'm involved in a show right now that, quite honestly, I hate. I have never been so frustrated with a process as I am with this one. Me and 7 other actors are attempting to do the story of "Romeo and Juliet" and that is proving to be QUITE the task. I play a million different parts and have about a million lines to match that. This last minute rush to memorize lines is basically my fault, because I wasn't really sure if this show would actually come to fruition. We're less than 2 weeks from opening night and it seems to be moving ahead, so I think I should probably start learning my parts. I've been trying to cram as much in my brain the last 2 days and still have 2 more days to do the latter half of the play...it's killing me. I just feel as if I'm getting no direction or help or any encouragement really. It's just frustrating. But I have to buckle down and learn these lines one way or another...
Right now I'm enjoying a wonderful time with friends. I made pumpkin milkshakes...vanilla ice cream, pumpkin pie filling, vanilla extract, cinnamon and pumpkin pie spice. We couldn't find pumpkin pie ice cream in the store (seasonal FAIL) but this turned out to be really tasty! I think we'll be making these again soon. It's SO nice to be able to cook in my own little kitchen and have a place to rest...away from the craziness of school. I'll have to put up pictures at some point. The decor of our house is very random and eclectic, but I love it. Most of the furniture has been given to us or found by the side of the road. The thrill of finding a large desk and shelf unit can't be compared to many other things...
It's taken me 2 days to publish this post, so I better do it before I lose any more steam. Life is very wonderful (although very odd at times...aka an ex getting engaged) and I'm quite happy with where God has placed me. It's both exciting and frightening, but if there's one thing I've learned from this adventure so far, is that he's got my back and he won't leave me to fend for myself. My heart's dream is to go back to Colorado, but does that line up with what God wants for me?
I can't really say. For now, I'm not going to worry, but instead am going to enjoy everything as it comes, such as delicious decaf coffee with a spot of Creme Brulee creamer and a movie with the room-bug. Oh, and maybe I'll try to enjoy these lines I'm memorizing...
Monday, August 2, 2010
Too many thoughts for words.
It is WAY past July 11th, way past the nervous feelings I had before my campers came. So much has gone on that would take 90 years to explain and none of it would make much sense to people who aren't here and frankly, it'd probably be pretty boring.
At this point, I'm looking at my last 6 days in Steamboat and that is the strangest thing to me. It's funny to think that I've been here for less than 2 months but this feels so much like home. These people whom I knew nothing about at first are now like family and I couldn't imagine not knowing them. We've been through a lot and I can honestly say this is the toughest job that I've ever had. At the same time, it's been the most satisfying, the most beautiful, the most wonderful. I'm 22 hours away from "home" (or 18 hours, depending on whether I feel like Jackson is home or not), I haven't seen my family in quite awhile (and may not see my dad until Thanksgiving), I'd never been to this place before June 13th and I've had to figure a lot of things out on my own.
Then why do I love it here so much?
If home is where the heart is, then I'm home. Yet I can't say that with a clear conscience, because I feel like bits and pieces of my heart are all over the place-Jackson, Marion, here, and with the counselors that left this morning. How is it still possible to have a full heart after that? To know where you belong? It's late, and I've gotten up before 6 the past 2 days and I feel like all of my intelligent thought has gone out the window.
And now Sufjan Stevens is playing on Pandora and I want to cry.
My body is all sorts of messed up for various reasons, and I'm in a constant state of physical discomfort with hardly any relief. The only semi-settled thing is my heart and the peace I feel each day when I wake up to sunshine and the anticipation of a good breakfast. There's also the anticipation of what the day will hold-who's going to need my love? My listening ear? My sympathy? If I've realized anything this summer, it's that people are hurting and oftentimes all they want is love. A hug. Someone to hold their hand. Someone to truly listen, to identify with, to respond to their problems. There's no replacement for quality time spent discovering the likes, dislikes, fears, thoughts and values that someone holds dear. I have met some precious, PRECIOUS people, and the thought of leaving them is just frightening to me. Going back to the real world, to a place where I don't know if I belong anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited to live with 2 of my best friends in an adorable duplex and for all of the lovely muffin and coffee parties we're going to have...it's going to be amazing. I'm excited for friends and life and meeting all of those crazy freshman in just a few short weeks. I have a renewed passion for my art and for new kinds of art...to be able to help people through my passion would be amazing. I'm excited to serve, get involved, do SOMETHING worthwhile.
But there's also another feeling...a little voice telling me I need to prepare myself to fly. Maybe it's just because I've fallen in love with this place, but I want to move here in a year. I do NOT want to settle in the South...it's just not for me. I hate to plan things because they've often failed for me, but right now all I can think about is how to get back out here. After I graduate I want to become a personal trainer (because I feel that's something you can do wherever you go and this summer has definitely renewed my love for fitness), move here, do theatre when I can, and minister to people. I've found an amazing church here withing walking distance of the camp and I know it sounds silly because I've only gotten to go twice, but I feel completely at home there. It's a small church but it's so completely alive and the messages I heard had such an impact on me. Their gist was to love and serve people, which is something I believe Christ preaches over and over. Both of those things have been central to my life here, and I don't want that to stop.
So many things are swirling around in my head, and they might not make much sense but I wanted to throw them out there for the world to read. Or, for a few people to read. I don't know what the future holds...or tomorrow really...but I'm excited, scared, and a little nervous. I'm exhausted right now but I hope to blog a little more before I leave.
Goodnight.
At this point, I'm looking at my last 6 days in Steamboat and that is the strangest thing to me. It's funny to think that I've been here for less than 2 months but this feels so much like home. These people whom I knew nothing about at first are now like family and I couldn't imagine not knowing them. We've been through a lot and I can honestly say this is the toughest job that I've ever had. At the same time, it's been the most satisfying, the most beautiful, the most wonderful. I'm 22 hours away from "home" (or 18 hours, depending on whether I feel like Jackson is home or not), I haven't seen my family in quite awhile (and may not see my dad until Thanksgiving), I'd never been to this place before June 13th and I've had to figure a lot of things out on my own.
Then why do I love it here so much?
If home is where the heart is, then I'm home. Yet I can't say that with a clear conscience, because I feel like bits and pieces of my heart are all over the place-Jackson, Marion, here, and with the counselors that left this morning. How is it still possible to have a full heart after that? To know where you belong? It's late, and I've gotten up before 6 the past 2 days and I feel like all of my intelligent thought has gone out the window.
And now Sufjan Stevens is playing on Pandora and I want to cry.
My body is all sorts of messed up for various reasons, and I'm in a constant state of physical discomfort with hardly any relief. The only semi-settled thing is my heart and the peace I feel each day when I wake up to sunshine and the anticipation of a good breakfast. There's also the anticipation of what the day will hold-who's going to need my love? My listening ear? My sympathy? If I've realized anything this summer, it's that people are hurting and oftentimes all they want is love. A hug. Someone to hold their hand. Someone to truly listen, to identify with, to respond to their problems. There's no replacement for quality time spent discovering the likes, dislikes, fears, thoughts and values that someone holds dear. I have met some precious, PRECIOUS people, and the thought of leaving them is just frightening to me. Going back to the real world, to a place where I don't know if I belong anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited to live with 2 of my best friends in an adorable duplex and for all of the lovely muffin and coffee parties we're going to have...it's going to be amazing. I'm excited for friends and life and meeting all of those crazy freshman in just a few short weeks. I have a renewed passion for my art and for new kinds of art...to be able to help people through my passion would be amazing. I'm excited to serve, get involved, do SOMETHING worthwhile.
But there's also another feeling...a little voice telling me I need to prepare myself to fly. Maybe it's just because I've fallen in love with this place, but I want to move here in a year. I do NOT want to settle in the South...it's just not for me. I hate to plan things because they've often failed for me, but right now all I can think about is how to get back out here. After I graduate I want to become a personal trainer (because I feel that's something you can do wherever you go and this summer has definitely renewed my love for fitness), move here, do theatre when I can, and minister to people. I've found an amazing church here withing walking distance of the camp and I know it sounds silly because I've only gotten to go twice, but I feel completely at home there. It's a small church but it's so completely alive and the messages I heard had such an impact on me. Their gist was to love and serve people, which is something I believe Christ preaches over and over. Both of those things have been central to my life here, and I don't want that to stop.
So many things are swirling around in my head, and they might not make much sense but I wanted to throw them out there for the world to read. Or, for a few people to read. I don't know what the future holds...or tomorrow really...but I'm excited, scared, and a little nervous. I'm exhausted right now but I hope to blog a little more before I leave.
Goodnight.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The calm before the storm...of campers, that is.
Ahh...Sunday. I love the weekends. The one thing that's sucked since I got here is that I haven't been able to go to church. Without having a car, I pretty much have to catch rides or walk places. That doesn't really bother me, it just makes me feel like an inconvenience to people. I haven't been reading the Word as much as I would've like these past few days, but the cool thing about God is that you can always start over and CHOOSE to start your day off with him. I always get caught in the trap of not having enough time, when, in all actuality, I don't make the time. Sure, I'm pretty busy here between my kids and class and dozens of other random duties I'm called upon to do daily, but there's always time. The plans to go to church today didn't get solidified yesterday, so instead I listened to my pastor from Mississippi's online sermon. I've downloaded the podcasts to his "Sex Talk" series, and let me tell you, they're AWESOME. I'd highly recommend them. You can go to pinelake.org and listen to them there or go to the iTunes store, look up Pinelake Church and all of the latest sermons are there. (There's my shameless plug for the day!) I can't even tell you how convicting they are...basically I'm more assured than ever that to pursue Christ above all else is the key to lasting happiness and fulfillment. Like my pastor said, instead of searching for "Mr. Right", I want to BE Mr. (Mrs., really) Right! Be the woman who's spirit is so lost in Christ that nothing else matters. As I'm realizing in this secular world, this is so important. I don't really have people coming along side me here encouraging me in my walk with Christ. It's a full on spiritual battle/ministry field, and I'm working on sharing who I am and the love I have with people I encounter. I've already touched on this a little in my last entry so I won't get back on my soap box....
Despite not being able to go to church, this day has been wonderful. Another sunny day greeted me this morning and John fixed pancakes for breakfast-have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE pancakes and breakfast food in general? Well, if I haven't, I just really love it. Especially with mini blueberries, a little bit of yogurt and walnuts on top. Mmmmm...
I really wanted to finish this while I was in town this afternoon at my favorite bookstore/coffee shop called Off the Beaten Path because it was just the perfect location to be blogging (AND it started raining!) but sadly my ride was leaving just as I was getting into the blog. Basically here's how the past few days have gone:
-All of my babies left their mama with an empty nest Saturday morning. I'll say that I definitely had a few tears in my eyes as my last 2 girls left and I was faced with an empty cabin. It's AMAZING how much life these girls poured into our rustic little place-someone was always laughing, playing the piano, painting nails, reading a book...often all of those things were going on at once. I'd just go into my room and smile, only to be dragged out of my moment of a solitude a second later by several cries of "DANIELLLLE!!!" Just as this next group of girls probably won't be quieted by my lullaby, they also probably won't line up to get their hair french braided. Since I don't have a sister, I missed out on that opportunity growing up but made up for that completely by doing countless french braids during these past two weeks. Oh, and I got a manicure! Hot pink nails with white french tips...ohhh yeah. (You know you're jealous!)
-After the girls left, a few other counselors and I went into town to do laundry. This time it'd only been probably a week and a half, maybe 2, but I still had a lot to wash. That's where I wrote my last blog. Yay for laundry mats with Wi-fi but boo because they charge so much! After that I went back to the cabin and continued to read "My Sister's Keeper." The movie tore at my soul, and this book does the same. SHEESH.
-Today was the perfect ending to a lovely weekend. Despite me being a heathen this morning and not going to church, I did get the chance to go on a great run. I remembered seeing a sign for a Bible Church really close to camp, so I ran the opposite way of town and sure enough, there was the sign! I know the service times now so I'll definitely be there next week. I turned down a little country road and just had to smile at the beauty I encountered as I ran...gorgeous log homes, tall Aspen trees, random rock formations, and MOUNTAINS! I felt like I was getting closer and closer to the mountains in the distance when really, I probably wasn't at all. It's nice to feel small and insignificant sometimes, and at the same time still feel worthy to be able to be in the presence of such an amazing creation. On my way back down the road I saw this slanted rock, probably only 6 feet high and after my recent climbing endeavors I decided to climb it. It wasn't too much of a feat, but I still made it to the top a few times going a few different ways. It was nice to just sit up there and observe. A few cars drove by and at first I felt a little odd to be sitting on this small rock...but then again, this is climbing country so I'm sure people are used to seeing random people on rocks.
-To finish off this fine day, I went to the bookstore and just sat and rested. I'm not fully recovered from these past 2 weeks and any chance I can sit still and just BE is a blessing. I Skyped with my family for about an hour, read an amazing Edward Monkton book and crocheted. I can't tell you how much I love this bookstore. The smell of the books and smell of brewing coffee and all of the sounds that go along with such a business are some of my favorite in the world. It was nice to not have plans...to do what I wanted and not have to keep track of anyone. I'm hoping I can find a few moments like that in these last few weeks of camp...
I look back on today and can honestly say that I loved it. I was met with another beautiful, sunny morning and spent the day in peace, but also feeling a sense of accomplishment, thanks to the running. At this point, our newly cleaned cabin is probably more ready for the girls than I am. I don't even know what to expect with this next bunch except probably a good dose of attitude and sass. Ay yi yi...Lord Jesus, help me to be loving and connect with these girls in some way. That's just my prayer for these next few days, which are probably going to be rough and awkward and but hopefully uneventful...aka no one falling out of bunks or puking or getting homesick. That would be nice. Oh, and after dinner tonight I finished "My Sister's Keeper" and let me just tell you, I shed a few tears. It was beautiful and horrible all at the same time. I'm about ready to start "Chocolat" and I hear it's good. I've never seen the movie but I'll probably end up watching it someday, when I return to the "real" world.
For now, I'm going to rest some more. And hopefully Skype. Do you ever feel like you absolutely love the place you're in, but you'd like to transfer a few key people to that place in order to make it just perfect? I'm feeling that right now for sure. I'm not necessarily homesick, just people sick a little. Thank goodness for Skype and old fashioned letter writing. :)
Despite not being able to go to church, this day has been wonderful. Another sunny day greeted me this morning and John fixed pancakes for breakfast-have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE pancakes and breakfast food in general? Well, if I haven't, I just really love it. Especially with mini blueberries, a little bit of yogurt and walnuts on top. Mmmmm...
I really wanted to finish this while I was in town this afternoon at my favorite bookstore/coffee shop called Off the Beaten Path because it was just the perfect location to be blogging (AND it started raining!) but sadly my ride was leaving just as I was getting into the blog. Basically here's how the past few days have gone:
-All of my babies left their mama with an empty nest Saturday morning. I'll say that I definitely had a few tears in my eyes as my last 2 girls left and I was faced with an empty cabin. It's AMAZING how much life these girls poured into our rustic little place-someone was always laughing, playing the piano, painting nails, reading a book...often all of those things were going on at once. I'd just go into my room and smile, only to be dragged out of my moment of a solitude a second later by several cries of "DANIELLLLE!!!" Just as this next group of girls probably won't be quieted by my lullaby, they also probably won't line up to get their hair french braided. Since I don't have a sister, I missed out on that opportunity growing up but made up for that completely by doing countless french braids during these past two weeks. Oh, and I got a manicure! Hot pink nails with white french tips...ohhh yeah. (You know you're jealous!)
-After the girls left, a few other counselors and I went into town to do laundry. This time it'd only been probably a week and a half, maybe 2, but I still had a lot to wash. That's where I wrote my last blog. Yay for laundry mats with Wi-fi but boo because they charge so much! After that I went back to the cabin and continued to read "My Sister's Keeper." The movie tore at my soul, and this book does the same. SHEESH.
-Today was the perfect ending to a lovely weekend. Despite me being a heathen this morning and not going to church, I did get the chance to go on a great run. I remembered seeing a sign for a Bible Church really close to camp, so I ran the opposite way of town and sure enough, there was the sign! I know the service times now so I'll definitely be there next week. I turned down a little country road and just had to smile at the beauty I encountered as I ran...gorgeous log homes, tall Aspen trees, random rock formations, and MOUNTAINS! I felt like I was getting closer and closer to the mountains in the distance when really, I probably wasn't at all. It's nice to feel small and insignificant sometimes, and at the same time still feel worthy to be able to be in the presence of such an amazing creation. On my way back down the road I saw this slanted rock, probably only 6 feet high and after my recent climbing endeavors I decided to climb it. It wasn't too much of a feat, but I still made it to the top a few times going a few different ways. It was nice to just sit up there and observe. A few cars drove by and at first I felt a little odd to be sitting on this small rock...but then again, this is climbing country so I'm sure people are used to seeing random people on rocks.
-To finish off this fine day, I went to the bookstore and just sat and rested. I'm not fully recovered from these past 2 weeks and any chance I can sit still and just BE is a blessing. I Skyped with my family for about an hour, read an amazing Edward Monkton book and crocheted. I can't tell you how much I love this bookstore. The smell of the books and smell of brewing coffee and all of the sounds that go along with such a business are some of my favorite in the world. It was nice to not have plans...to do what I wanted and not have to keep track of anyone. I'm hoping I can find a few moments like that in these last few weeks of camp...
I look back on today and can honestly say that I loved it. I was met with another beautiful, sunny morning and spent the day in peace, but also feeling a sense of accomplishment, thanks to the running. At this point, our newly cleaned cabin is probably more ready for the girls than I am. I don't even know what to expect with this next bunch except probably a good dose of attitude and sass. Ay yi yi...Lord Jesus, help me to be loving and connect with these girls in some way. That's just my prayer for these next few days, which are probably going to be rough and awkward and but hopefully uneventful...aka no one falling out of bunks or puking or getting homesick. That would be nice. Oh, and after dinner tonight I finished "My Sister's Keeper" and let me just tell you, I shed a few tears. It was beautiful and horrible all at the same time. I'm about ready to start "Chocolat" and I hear it's good. I've never seen the movie but I'll probably end up watching it someday, when I return to the "real" world.
For now, I'm going to rest some more. And hopefully Skype. Do you ever feel like you absolutely love the place you're in, but you'd like to transfer a few key people to that place in order to make it just perfect? I'm feeling that right now for sure. I'm not necessarily homesick, just people sick a little. Thank goodness for Skype and old fashioned letter writing. :)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Goodbyes and Hellos...and nearly one month down.
Wow, so I definitely have meant to write more in this little blog over this summer, but I've seriously not had time! My Junior campers (5th-7th graders) got here about 2 weeks ago and since then, it's been a "hit the ground running" situation. We have to be with them 24/7 since they're just young'ns...aka we can't send them off to the cabin by themselves for long periods of time or send them out in the woods to play hide and seek. Me and my fellow counselor's patience was definitely tested a little in the beginning, but that's because I think the girls were trying to test US to see what they'd be able to get away with, which hasn't been much. We really haven't had to "lay down the law" too much with them...one incident sticks out to me. Honestly, I think that they're a GREAT group of girls and some of them definitely remind me of myself at that age. It's funny...when I hear how they talk and what they talk about I think "Was I REALLY like that when I was 12?" but chances are, I probably was. The talk about boys, the obsession with looking good, the slight competition between me and my friends during certain activities. For all of the rough times we've had (homesickness, illnesses, falling out of the bunk), there have been SO many more good memories made that I can't help but smile everday. In order to not have this blog go on forever and ever, I'm going to list the things I love about my girls, camp, Colorado, life (which is basically everything, but I'll try to limit myself).
P.S.-I canNOT believe it's almost been a month since that first rainy day that I landed in Colorado...where has all the time gone?
It's been a few days since I started this and sadly my campers left this morning. Yes, they tried my spirit at times but all in all, they were good girls and there were definitely a few tears as they left this morning. Eleven of our fifteen ladies checked out yesterday after their Showcase so we were left with 4 last night. Ice cream, movies and a sleepover in the bunk room with our girls were essential. I haven't been able to run these past few days but you better believe that I'm going to get back into it this week-I can't wait!
Things I love thus far (and a few things that I'll miss now that my girls are gone):
-the sound of their chatter and laughter as they woke up in the mornings.
-the coldness of each morning, but how I'm always warm cocooned in my sleeping bag.
-sitting on my outside stoop in the mornings, coffee, Bible and journal in hand. That spot is also great for writing letters.
-the hugs and "I love yous" I'd get from my girls...sheesh, I'm going to miss them TONS.
-bedtimes...singing my girls to sleep with a lullaby I wrote and a variety of other songs. Somehow I don't think the 8th-10th graders coming in a few days will appreciate such a thing...
-breakfast. I'm telling you, we probably have the best camp cook around. Oatmeal or french toast with little blueberries, walnuts, and bananas on top is amazing.
-being inspired to run because of the beautiful mountains and nature I see everyday.
-the peace I feel just walking around camp, breathing the air, smiling at people...God is here, and alive, and I pray that he's working through me everyday.
-LIFE. The one opportunity we have to live it, and live it fully.
The list can really go on and on...and on. The only thing that I'm struggling with now is that I haven't been able to go to church since I've been here. Thankfully the option is open to me, but what's been happening is that we have TONS of stuff happening on Sundays, and there really hasn't been time. I'm really happy that me and Sabrina, the assistant program coordinator here, will probably get to go tomorrow. In my own quiet time I mainly search the Word for something that jumps out at me or I'll look up specific themes I'm interested in here. I've also written out tons of encouraging verses and have them pasted all around my room. One of my favorites is from James, and it's the last part of a verse-it simply says "Mercy triumphs over judgement!" How simple, yet poignant is that? With this not being a Christian environment, there are many things I could be judgemental about, but where would that get me? What kind of impact would I be able to have then? I would just be another one of those hypocritical Christians that so many people have been hurt by these days...Christians who preach love, forgiveness and acceptance but who are the first to judge someone instead of love them, who are so adamant to push what they feel to be correct without listening to what anyone has to say. What I've learned is to love first...not believe in what someone believes in or completely change your morals and convictions to be accomodating...but realize that the person you're talking to is first and foremost a PERSON, created by God. And just as you've been redeemed and saved from the life you lived apart from Christ, there is that same potential for them. This is something God has been teaching me these past few years, and even more so this summer. And by staying strong in him and holding those convictions close he's given me, I've been able to fully love those around me and hopefully have some sort of impact on everyone I encounter. I've already had a few awesome conversations with a few people and by the grace of God, we've been able to talk openly and respect each other's opinions. God is mighty and I have no doubt that he will continue to work in me and through me, as long as I stay receptive to what he wants to teach me.
This is one of my new favorite verses that I'm going to carry around with me everywhere.
P.S.-I canNOT believe it's almost been a month since that first rainy day that I landed in Colorado...where has all the time gone?
It's been a few days since I started this and sadly my campers left this morning. Yes, they tried my spirit at times but all in all, they were good girls and there were definitely a few tears as they left this morning. Eleven of our fifteen ladies checked out yesterday after their Showcase so we were left with 4 last night. Ice cream, movies and a sleepover in the bunk room with our girls were essential. I haven't been able to run these past few days but you better believe that I'm going to get back into it this week-I can't wait!
Things I love thus far (and a few things that I'll miss now that my girls are gone):
-the sound of their chatter and laughter as they woke up in the mornings.
-the coldness of each morning, but how I'm always warm cocooned in my sleeping bag.
-sitting on my outside stoop in the mornings, coffee, Bible and journal in hand. That spot is also great for writing letters.
-the hugs and "I love yous" I'd get from my girls...sheesh, I'm going to miss them TONS.
-bedtimes...singing my girls to sleep with a lullaby I wrote and a variety of other songs. Somehow I don't think the 8th-10th graders coming in a few days will appreciate such a thing...
-breakfast. I'm telling you, we probably have the best camp cook around. Oatmeal or french toast with little blueberries, walnuts, and bananas on top is amazing.
-being inspired to run because of the beautiful mountains and nature I see everyday.
-the peace I feel just walking around camp, breathing the air, smiling at people...God is here, and alive, and I pray that he's working through me everyday.
-LIFE. The one opportunity we have to live it, and live it fully.
The list can really go on and on...and on. The only thing that I'm struggling with now is that I haven't been able to go to church since I've been here. Thankfully the option is open to me, but what's been happening is that we have TONS of stuff happening on Sundays, and there really hasn't been time. I'm really happy that me and Sabrina, the assistant program coordinator here, will probably get to go tomorrow. In my own quiet time I mainly search the Word for something that jumps out at me or I'll look up specific themes I'm interested in here. I've also written out tons of encouraging verses and have them pasted all around my room. One of my favorites is from James, and it's the last part of a verse-it simply says "Mercy triumphs over judgement!" How simple, yet poignant is that? With this not being a Christian environment, there are many things I could be judgemental about, but where would that get me? What kind of impact would I be able to have then? I would just be another one of those hypocritical Christians that so many people have been hurt by these days...Christians who preach love, forgiveness and acceptance but who are the first to judge someone instead of love them, who are so adamant to push what they feel to be correct without listening to what anyone has to say. What I've learned is to love first...not believe in what someone believes in or completely change your morals and convictions to be accomodating...but realize that the person you're talking to is first and foremost a PERSON, created by God. And just as you've been redeemed and saved from the life you lived apart from Christ, there is that same potential for them. This is something God has been teaching me these past few years, and even more so this summer. And by staying strong in him and holding those convictions close he's given me, I've been able to fully love those around me and hopefully have some sort of impact on everyone I encounter. I've already had a few awesome conversations with a few people and by the grace of God, we've been able to talk openly and respect each other's opinions. God is mighty and I have no doubt that he will continue to work in me and through me, as long as I stay receptive to what he wants to teach me.
This is one of my new favorite verses that I'm going to carry around with me everywhere.
"Your decrees are the theme of my song, wherever I lodge."
Psalm 119:53-55
Back to laundry, relaxing, reading and a beautiful Colorado day.
Psalm 119:53-55
Back to laundry, relaxing, reading and a beautiful Colorado day.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
COLORADO.
After much waiting and anticipation, I finally made it to Steamboat Springs! The flight from Columbus to Denver was a little more turbulent than I expected and, as always, that freaks me out. Surprisingly the flight over the mountains (from Denver to Hayden, the airport 30 minutes away from camp) was LESS turbulent. I was thankful for that...we JUST missed the storms! It was still pretty rainy though and cold. This adopted Southerner no longer has the ability to stand 50 degree or below temps for long periods of time. Very sad fact, but true.
I've only been here since Sunday, but I feel like it's been much longer than that...maybe a month? Or two? I've adjusted pretty well to the altitude without the aid of any drugs, just tons and tons of water...which makes me pee quite a lot. But I feel super healthy and cleansed all the time, so that's a wonderful benefit. The mud and rain that was present the first 2 days of camp has now pretty much dried up and I'm staring at slightly cloudy (but sunny skies)...it's probably in the lower 70s. Much better than hailing, rainy 50s! The nights are still pretty cold. One large reason would be because the screen on my door leading to the outside doesn't have a glass in front of it so I had to "ghetto rig" it, as I like to say. Basically that consists of a thin cloth tacked in front of the screen, most of my hanging clothes, and then a towel strung over that. I haven't noticed much help from that...I'm sleeping in a sweatshirt, multiple shirts and pairs of socks, and sweatpants. Sadly my parents are in North Carolina right now and can't send me any of my warm clothes from home. Only a few more weeks and then I won't have to wear my same old Belhaven College sweatshirt all the time!
Like I said, so much has happened in these past few days and it's really hard to wrap my mind around it all. I've met tons of new people and continue to meet new ones daily. The Technical Director here is from Ohio-I knew I had to meet him when I saw he was wearing a Buckeyes sweatshirt! I've also had the immense pleasure of meeting my fellow counselors...we come from ALL over and all walks of life and backgrounds and such. It's eye opening, beautiful, difficult (at times) and crazy, all at the same time! I was a little lonely a few nights ago but now we're all meshing and blending more, and I can honestly say I love each one of them. We laugh and laugh and laugh until we're practically crying and peeing our pants. Belly laughter is my favorite! We have inside jokes all over the place and I bought a pair of $5 "State Trooper" aviators...I call them my authority glasses. Basically I look REALLY authoritative and official in them...those kids won't know what's coming to them!
We've done a few different counselor activities each night, which are totally necessary after all of the meetings we have all day. We got to go to the hot springs the other night, which was super awesome! It's basically natural hot baths in the earth...kinda like an earthen hot tub. We went to a place where clothing is optional after dark but we left before then. Someday when I'm old, I WILL return there and partake of that! Last night we went into Steamboat and walked around and got coffee. I LOVE developed downtowns, and that is certainly one of them. It's adorable, and there are a lot of fun shops. We're going to be taking the kids there once a week, so it was good to be familiar with the town. I don't know how that's going to work exactly, but they've been doing it for years so I'm sure it'll all flow once we get the hang of everything.
Another interesting experience I've had is learning how to drive a 15 passenger van! It's not as scary as I initially thought and it makes me feel like I own the road, which I love. Combine that with my Statie sunglasses and I'm basically unstoppable!
(Sooo I started this many days ago but I haven't been able to get on the internet lately...so now I'm going to finish it!)
I also rode a horse the other day for the first time in a long while and I forgot how relaxing that is. Sometimes it's just nice to sit on a horse and not really have to do anything, except move the reins occasionally. Plus it's a really beautiful way to observe nature and breathe in the fresh air. I can't get OVER how clean the air is here. It's unbelievable.
The 11th, 12th, and college age kids arrived the other day so that's been interesting and fun. Except at the same time, I'm feel a bit useless because the counselors for the older kids are taking care of their kids and I'm just doing random office work and such. Or crocheting...quite a lot. I'm on my third hat so far and it's REALLY fun. I'm trying new patterns and making them for people here. Inspiration is just FLOWING!
I got placed in Jazz I and Tap I and those classes start tomorrow...yippee! I've taken tap before but never Jazz-it's going to be great.
This post has taken me far too long to write, so I think I'm just going to end this. Basically I love life, nature, the out of doors, and people. And Jesus. I think this whole experience is going to bring me closer to him. I'm happy to be alive!
I've only been here since Sunday, but I feel like it's been much longer than that...maybe a month? Or two? I've adjusted pretty well to the altitude without the aid of any drugs, just tons and tons of water...which makes me pee quite a lot. But I feel super healthy and cleansed all the time, so that's a wonderful benefit. The mud and rain that was present the first 2 days of camp has now pretty much dried up and I'm staring at slightly cloudy (but sunny skies)...it's probably in the lower 70s. Much better than hailing, rainy 50s! The nights are still pretty cold. One large reason would be because the screen on my door leading to the outside doesn't have a glass in front of it so I had to "ghetto rig" it, as I like to say. Basically that consists of a thin cloth tacked in front of the screen, most of my hanging clothes, and then a towel strung over that. I haven't noticed much help from that...I'm sleeping in a sweatshirt, multiple shirts and pairs of socks, and sweatpants. Sadly my parents are in North Carolina right now and can't send me any of my warm clothes from home. Only a few more weeks and then I won't have to wear my same old Belhaven College sweatshirt all the time!
Like I said, so much has happened in these past few days and it's really hard to wrap my mind around it all. I've met tons of new people and continue to meet new ones daily. The Technical Director here is from Ohio-I knew I had to meet him when I saw he was wearing a Buckeyes sweatshirt! I've also had the immense pleasure of meeting my fellow counselors...we come from ALL over and all walks of life and backgrounds and such. It's eye opening, beautiful, difficult (at times) and crazy, all at the same time! I was a little lonely a few nights ago but now we're all meshing and blending more, and I can honestly say I love each one of them. We laugh and laugh and laugh until we're practically crying and peeing our pants. Belly laughter is my favorite! We have inside jokes all over the place and I bought a pair of $5 "State Trooper" aviators...I call them my authority glasses. Basically I look REALLY authoritative and official in them...those kids won't know what's coming to them!
We've done a few different counselor activities each night, which are totally necessary after all of the meetings we have all day. We got to go to the hot springs the other night, which was super awesome! It's basically natural hot baths in the earth...kinda like an earthen hot tub. We went to a place where clothing is optional after dark but we left before then. Someday when I'm old, I WILL return there and partake of that! Last night we went into Steamboat and walked around and got coffee. I LOVE developed downtowns, and that is certainly one of them. It's adorable, and there are a lot of fun shops. We're going to be taking the kids there once a week, so it was good to be familiar with the town. I don't know how that's going to work exactly, but they've been doing it for years so I'm sure it'll all flow once we get the hang of everything.
Another interesting experience I've had is learning how to drive a 15 passenger van! It's not as scary as I initially thought and it makes me feel like I own the road, which I love. Combine that with my Statie sunglasses and I'm basically unstoppable!
(Sooo I started this many days ago but I haven't been able to get on the internet lately...so now I'm going to finish it!)
I also rode a horse the other day for the first time in a long while and I forgot how relaxing that is. Sometimes it's just nice to sit on a horse and not really have to do anything, except move the reins occasionally. Plus it's a really beautiful way to observe nature and breathe in the fresh air. I can't get OVER how clean the air is here. It's unbelievable.
The 11th, 12th, and college age kids arrived the other day so that's been interesting and fun. Except at the same time, I'm feel a bit useless because the counselors for the older kids are taking care of their kids and I'm just doing random office work and such. Or crocheting...quite a lot. I'm on my third hat so far and it's REALLY fun. I'm trying new patterns and making them for people here. Inspiration is just FLOWING!
I got placed in Jazz I and Tap I and those classes start tomorrow...yippee! I've taken tap before but never Jazz-it's going to be great.
This post has taken me far too long to write, so I think I'm just going to end this. Basically I love life, nature, the out of doors, and people. And Jesus. I think this whole experience is going to bring me closer to him. I'm happy to be alive!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
A lot on my mind.
I know I haven't blogged much lately, but I've been crazy busy. I've gotten to see all of my closest friends and spend some quality time with people I love-after all, it's going to be November before I see some of them again. I've also finished my little chair! It's a bit strange looking, but at the same time I love that little thing. Pictures to come soon. The best news is that I'm FINALLY almost packed for Colorado-I have to finish it up by tonight, because I leave in the tomorrow morning! Gotta love those early morning flights...getting up at 5 to be ready by 6, travel an hour to Columbus and then get on the plane to Denver by 8:30. I think it's safe to say that I'll be quite exhausted tomorrow night...hopefully I'll be able to get good sleep at my home for the summer!
Here is a view of downtown Steamboat Springs and the mountains behind it...you can be jealous:
I can't wait to be there and meet everyone-that's going to be my favorite part. And just being settled, and hopefully not living out of a suitcase. I don't know what kind of room I have or storage space or ANYTHING, so this is already looking like the biggest adventure of my life thus far. I'm not very nervous about being far away, because, well, this type of thing is normal for me. After all, I chose to go to school in Mississippi of all places, not knowing anyone and having been there only one time before. The most nerve wracking part for me are the flights...yes, I've flown a lot these past 4 years but it still doesn't make me any less nervous. Lord Jesus, give me GOOD weather tomorrow and no turbulence!
So far this summer has been one of extreme blessing. So many good things have happened, so many relationships strengthened, so many creative endeavors! I've done things I haven't done before and have been able to fit in more lunch, coffee and dinner dates than I've ever thought possible. Not to mention, God is showing himself in new and glorious ways. I am continually amazed at the strength of his presence in my life and just this satisfaction I feel just by knowing him and learning more about him. It's incomparable. Lately though, I feel a sadness and I definitely know where it's coming from. I don't know...sometimes things work out differently in your mind than they do in real life, and that can be really frustrating. Maybe something's broken and you feel like you're the only person that can see it and feel it. I am SO completely guilty of having really high expectations, which, so far, has only led to let downs. I can't really explain exactly what I'm thinking or feeling, because I fear it sounds really silly. Guys and girls are just completely, 100% different...no arguing with that. The way that we communicate and our wants and needs are not even remotely the same. I, amongst other women, have this vision in our minds that the guy is supposed to know what we're thinking, why we're thinking it, and that the guy should be able to come in and save the day and fix our problems. The guy is also "supposed" to be sensitive to our needs at all times and be available for us to spill everything at any time. Hmm...I can't think of too many guys who would go along with that. No one likes to be the dumping ground for one person's emotional problems ALL the time-that is REALLY tiring. We aren't meant to carry around the world's problems, but we try to with all of our might. And there's the problem-relying on OUR own strength and power to do everything, when we should be giving it to the One who's carried the world on His shoulders since he created it. Easy right?
No. (I could go on with that theme for a long time...I'm going to harness my ADD and stick with what I was writing before that! haha)
I don't consider myself an emotionally needy person...I'm probably more of the opposite (the person whom people go to for help and advice). But lately, I've just felt semi-needy and sad. While many important things have been pretty constant, a few things are changing and I'm having to adjust to those changes. I guess my problem is I don't fully understand why the changes are happening and there are some things that keep happening that make things a little more muddy. I know what I need to do...CONFRONT. But I just really don't enjoy that. Especially when I feel like I'm going to be looked upon as crazy for it. Or possessive or needy or something gross like that. UGH. It's also really hard to do when you're just not clear where you stand with the other person. I think I'm just repeating myself so I'll probably just stop...and this probably makes no sense.
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything and I had a small panic attack the other night and now it's just evened out into a sad feeling in my heart. There's also a fear of the future and the unknown and a list of about 100 irrational fears that keep rolling around in my mind. I feel like this time of extreme blessing isn't over...blessing never really stops, we just stop appreciating it...but I feel like God is saying "Here are some hard things Danielle...how are you going to deal with them? Are you still going to be thanking and praising me now?" Lately I've taken to crying out the Psalms to Him and reading them for comfort. Countless times he is cited as being the Rock, Redeemer, Fortress, Refuge, and let me tell you, I am claiming ALL of those things right now.
Here is a view of downtown Steamboat Springs and the mountains behind it...you can be jealous:
I can't wait to be there and meet everyone-that's going to be my favorite part. And just being settled, and hopefully not living out of a suitcase. I don't know what kind of room I have or storage space or ANYTHING, so this is already looking like the biggest adventure of my life thus far. I'm not very nervous about being far away, because, well, this type of thing is normal for me. After all, I chose to go to school in Mississippi of all places, not knowing anyone and having been there only one time before. The most nerve wracking part for me are the flights...yes, I've flown a lot these past 4 years but it still doesn't make me any less nervous. Lord Jesus, give me GOOD weather tomorrow and no turbulence!
So far this summer has been one of extreme blessing. So many good things have happened, so many relationships strengthened, so many creative endeavors! I've done things I haven't done before and have been able to fit in more lunch, coffee and dinner dates than I've ever thought possible. Not to mention, God is showing himself in new and glorious ways. I am continually amazed at the strength of his presence in my life and just this satisfaction I feel just by knowing him and learning more about him. It's incomparable. Lately though, I feel a sadness and I definitely know where it's coming from. I don't know...sometimes things work out differently in your mind than they do in real life, and that can be really frustrating. Maybe something's broken and you feel like you're the only person that can see it and feel it. I am SO completely guilty of having really high expectations, which, so far, has only led to let downs. I can't really explain exactly what I'm thinking or feeling, because I fear it sounds really silly. Guys and girls are just completely, 100% different...no arguing with that. The way that we communicate and our wants and needs are not even remotely the same. I, amongst other women, have this vision in our minds that the guy is supposed to know what we're thinking, why we're thinking it, and that the guy should be able to come in and save the day and fix our problems. The guy is also "supposed" to be sensitive to our needs at all times and be available for us to spill everything at any time. Hmm...I can't think of too many guys who would go along with that. No one likes to be the dumping ground for one person's emotional problems ALL the time-that is REALLY tiring. We aren't meant to carry around the world's problems, but we try to with all of our might. And there's the problem-relying on OUR own strength and power to do everything, when we should be giving it to the One who's carried the world on His shoulders since he created it. Easy right?
No. (I could go on with that theme for a long time...I'm going to harness my ADD and stick with what I was writing before that! haha)
I don't consider myself an emotionally needy person...I'm probably more of the opposite (the person whom people go to for help and advice). But lately, I've just felt semi-needy and sad. While many important things have been pretty constant, a few things are changing and I'm having to adjust to those changes. I guess my problem is I don't fully understand why the changes are happening and there are some things that keep happening that make things a little more muddy. I know what I need to do...CONFRONT. But I just really don't enjoy that. Especially when I feel like I'm going to be looked upon as crazy for it. Or possessive or needy or something gross like that. UGH. It's also really hard to do when you're just not clear where you stand with the other person. I think I'm just repeating myself so I'll probably just stop...and this probably makes no sense.
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything and I had a small panic attack the other night and now it's just evened out into a sad feeling in my heart. There's also a fear of the future and the unknown and a list of about 100 irrational fears that keep rolling around in my mind. I feel like this time of extreme blessing isn't over...blessing never really stops, we just stop appreciating it...but I feel like God is saying "Here are some hard things Danielle...how are you going to deal with them? Are you still going to be thanking and praising me now?" Lately I've taken to crying out the Psalms to Him and reading them for comfort. Countless times he is cited as being the Rock, Redeemer, Fortress, Refuge, and let me tell you, I am claiming ALL of those things right now.
"The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins." Ps. 25:12-13.
And:
"My heart says of you, 'Seek his face!' Your face, Lord, I will seek." Ps. 27:8
It is just becoming more and more clear to me that I have been made to love and serve Christ and his people, and that is good enough for me. He isn't human...he gives me free love that will not disappoint. Why wouldn't I want to cling to him and follow him with my entire being? Good times, bad times, all times. I'm going to fail-I know this. Because I've failed many times before. But amazingly, he hasn't given up on me yet and I just pray that he shows me the path I need to take so I can walk on that only and not get distracted. Here's a song I heard on Pandora this morning that speaks to all that I'm feeling right now:
Amen. I have nothing to add to that.
Full Attention-Jeremy Riddle
May Your voice be louder
May Your voice be clearer
Than all the others
Than all the others
May Your face be dearer
May Your words be sweeter
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Please keep my eyes
Fixed on You
Please root my heart
So deep in You
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
That I may bear fruit
May Your presence be truer
May Your presence be nearer
Than all the others
Than all the others
May Your light burn brighter
May Your love move deeper
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Than all the others
Than all the others
May Your face be dearer
May Your words be sweeter
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Please keep my eyes
Fixed on You
Please root my heart
So deep in You
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
That I may bear fruit
May Your presence be truer
May Your presence be nearer
Than all the others
Than all the others
May Your light burn brighter
May Your love move deeper
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Amen. I have nothing to add to that.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Nathan, Amanda, and baby Elijah!
Sunday night held a very new experience for me. I was asked by my good friends who are expecting their first child (Elijah Christopher) if I would take pictures of them as a keepsake for this very exciting time in their lives. Pregnancy has been a bit of a rough journey for them, but they haven't given up their hope and faith in the One who is the giver of all good things. They are SUCH an inspiration to me...in their marriage, the way they live their lives, and the way that they love this precious little boy already. I couldn't be happier for them, and I know they're going to make great parents! I was really going into this shoot because, well, I love taking pictures, but am not by any means a certified photographer. But we had a lot of fun and the photos ended up turning out very nice, and I hope they can cherish them for a very long time. I can't wait to take pictures of baby Elijah in the fall when I come home for break!
Here are some of my favorites...the lighting was perfect!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Behind and Before.
This has been one of the best weeks I've had at home so far this summer. I'm trying to enjoy every moment with my friends and family and trying to fit in as many lunches, coffee and dinner dates as I can. There are so many people in my life that I value wholly and completely and before I embark on my Colorado adventure, I need to see as many of them as possible. I just keep thinking of the verse in Psalm 139 about being hemmed in "behind and before"-which translates to me that I have been surrounded by beautiful people. Through all of these wonderful and special times I've enjoyed with many beautiful people, I have come to realize a few things. Well, one main thing really-I am blessed. There's no other way to say it. I just spent 2 of the most lovely days with my second family whom God brought to me through Jr. Miss 3 short years ago. It's crazy how God brings people together sometimes. My younger "sister" is a beautiful dancer, and a few weeks before I stayed in their house for the first time, her ballet teacher told her that her dream for her was to someday study ballet at Belhaven in Jackson, MS. Then I come along, completely unaware of this, and one night we're discussing colleges and where we want to go. I say "I'm going to go to Belhaven College...it's in Jackson, Mississippi and you've probably never heard of it..." I can still see the reaction my host mom Stefanie had on her face when I said that. We knew then that God had truly brought us together. I try to visit them on every break that I'm home but it doesn't always work out. Last year I stayed a few days to help with Tyler's graduation (my younger "brother" who's now going a sophomore in college!) It was SO much fun.
I don't know what was different about this visit, except that maybe I'm a different person. Since that first week I stayed in their house I know that I've grown a lot in my spiritual walk and no longer hold the same opinions and viewpoints as I once did. As a result, I was able to really open up with my "mom" Stefanie and share what was on my heart, and she was able to do the same. It was amazing!
Through experiences I've had at school and home-breakups, friends coming and going, death my family-I've come to realize where my strength comes from. Sadly, I failed to do that many times. I can remember simply being angry at God a few times and refusing to acknowledge him. I also know that I've just forgotten him. Maybe I wasn't consciously doing that, but when I sailed through those storms and reached what I thought was a really great place in my life, that's when my good ol' pride took over and the fact that God brought about all of my blessings was the farthest thing from my mind. Why do I have to be so completely human?! That's definitely one of my biggest frustrations.
But thankfully I have realized my mistakes time and time again, and have been welcomed back into the loving arms of my Abba. And because I've been able to ask forgiveness for my mistakes and put them behind me, I believe that God has opened doors of blessing that wouldn't have been available to me otherwise. This concept of blessing and the realization that God blesses those who follow him has been on my mind lately. Reading Beth Moore's "Believing God" has really solidified my feelings on the matter. She talks a lot about our earthly "Promised Lands" that God makes available to us but all too often, we don't occupy those lands. Instead we settle for something a little more comfortable, a little more safe. When were we ever called to be safe or comfortable? What about this life speaks to that? Personally, God has shown me that is not the route I'm supposed to take. It's more like "Danielle, I'm going to call you to do some crazy things for me and to go places in which you'll know NObody...but trust me, I got you on this one." And I've had to just throw up my hands and say "Ok God, you know better than I do. Let's go." Thus far, I feel like he's really blessed and honored that, and lately I've just been completely FLOORED by his love and, dare I say it again, blessings! I know I sound like I'm beating this concept into the ground, but it frustrates me more than anything when I see really wonderful people around me choosing to live a life that's safe-choosing to settle. Why?! Would you rather sit at home, comfortable, doing really safe things and getting nowhere, or would you rather go on a crazy wild adventure that may have some danger involved? I KNOW I'd rather have the latter, especially because there's the chance to pick up more and more blessings along the way. Here's a section from Beth's "Your Promised Land" chapter that really speaks to this:
Beloved, God has made us promises. Real ones. Numerous ones. Promises of things like all-surpassing power, productivity, peace, and joy while still occupying these jars of clay. Few of us will argue the theory, but why aren't more of us living the reality? Like the children of Israel, I believe many of us are wandering in the wilderness with the Promised Land just on the other side of the river.
Wow. I don't know about you, but that completely convicts me. How many blessings have I missed out on in my life so far? Probably too many to count! I think of all the wrong turns I've made and then my mind wanders to the land of "What If"...like, "What IF I hadn 't dated that person...what could be different about my life right now?" That can be a really dangerous road and really not one that I can afford to travel on for very long. To do that would require me to be filled with doubt, guilt, and sadness and that's just not something I'm interested in. Instead, I want to choose to look at all of those painful and trying situations differently in light of my "Promised Land." I want to look with confidence at the past and be able to know that yes, I've made a lot of mistakes, but I have been saved by grace and no longer want to be stagnant in my walk. In fact, I'm called NOT to be that way! I don't want my butt to be rooted to the couch-I want to MOVE! (As I speak, I'm sitting on the floor...don't judge...haha).
I hope this doesn't sound like some cheesy life coach cheer...I'm don't want that. I just want you to know, whoever you are, that you can move and do AWESOME things and you no longer have to live a life that is boring or unblessed. Claim the promises you were meant to claim and let go of any fears you have. Don't worry, there will be someone to catch you whose arms haven't failed yet.
You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me." Ps. 139:5
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Surprises, smoothies, sunshine.
I can't even say how happy I am that the sun is FINALLY out! After 3 days of rain and cloudiness the sun has made a glorious reappearance and I've already spent some time out in it, working on my chair and reading poetry.
After a really cloudy/drizzly day yesterday, the sun actually appeared and I took advantage of that and rode my bike for almost an hour. It was dusk when my ride ended, and with such a clear evening I knew there was one thing I had to do-swing. I haven't done that yet since I've been home and it's one of my most favorite activities. I can't really explain how freeing it is to be able to pump your legs and go really really high, feeling weightless as you free fall towards the earth time and time again. I've done some of my deepest thinking on my favorite swing. Sometimes I recall some of my most treasured memories and other times I daydream of the future and some of the most significant moments that are yet to come-falling in love, being proposed to, looking into my husband's eyes as I walk down the aisle, holding my first child. Yes, that probably sounds pretty corny but what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic with an active imagination! Swinging is also a time where I can just clear my mind, let my hair down, kick my shoes off and let go of everything. It's beautiful! I think I need to swing tonight...
My good friend/mentor Amanda had her baby shower this past Sunday, and I was working like mad to get her gift done in time but it just didn't happen. That's ok though-the finishing touches I took the time to add really pulled it together and made it look a whole lot better than I thought it would. (This is the "special surprise" I alluded to in my other postings). Here is the stroller blanket I made in Ohio State colors (their favorite college team...mine too!) complete with a hole in the middle for the stroller buckle to go through. I found the pattern in "The Happy Hooker" (a funky and amazing book full of cute crochet patterns!)
And her are more muffins! These were apple cinnamon...made with apples, apple juice and I substituted applesauce for oil. Yum! (These are also yummy with coffee...)
And last of all, the Berry Berry smoothie I made yesterday...smoothieweb.com has some GREAT recipes I'd love to try and yesterday I combined raspberries, blueberries, strawberries and blackberries with a little milk and vanilla yogurt and it was delicious! New obsession=making smoothies. Today I'm going to try a soy and blueberry concoction!
Today is supposed to be another stormy day...I hope it doesn't ruin the picnic Rachel, Lindsay and I have planned! Watermelon, pasta salad, pie and a mystery entree makes for an amazing time with friends. I feel like God has blessed me completely on all sides with beautiful people...those who build me up, call me out when I'm wrong, and pray for me...and in return I can do all of that for them, because we all have the foundation of Christ. God has been good to me.
After a really cloudy/drizzly day yesterday, the sun actually appeared and I took advantage of that and rode my bike for almost an hour. It was dusk when my ride ended, and with such a clear evening I knew there was one thing I had to do-swing. I haven't done that yet since I've been home and it's one of my most favorite activities. I can't really explain how freeing it is to be able to pump your legs and go really really high, feeling weightless as you free fall towards the earth time and time again. I've done some of my deepest thinking on my favorite swing. Sometimes I recall some of my most treasured memories and other times I daydream of the future and some of the most significant moments that are yet to come-falling in love, being proposed to, looking into my husband's eyes as I walk down the aisle, holding my first child. Yes, that probably sounds pretty corny but what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic with an active imagination! Swinging is also a time where I can just clear my mind, let my hair down, kick my shoes off and let go of everything. It's beautiful! I think I need to swing tonight...
My good friend/mentor Amanda had her baby shower this past Sunday, and I was working like mad to get her gift done in time but it just didn't happen. That's ok though-the finishing touches I took the time to add really pulled it together and made it look a whole lot better than I thought it would. (This is the "special surprise" I alluded to in my other postings). Here is the stroller blanket I made in Ohio State colors (their favorite college team...mine too!) complete with a hole in the middle for the stroller buckle to go through. I found the pattern in "The Happy Hooker" (a funky and amazing book full of cute crochet patterns!)
And her are more muffins! These were apple cinnamon...made with apples, apple juice and I substituted applesauce for oil. Yum! (These are also yummy with coffee...)
And last of all, the Berry Berry smoothie I made yesterday...smoothieweb.com has some GREAT recipes I'd love to try and yesterday I combined raspberries, blueberries, strawberries and blackberries with a little milk and vanilla yogurt and it was delicious! New obsession=making smoothies. Today I'm going to try a soy and blueberry concoction!
Today is supposed to be another stormy day...I hope it doesn't ruin the picnic Rachel, Lindsay and I have planned! Watermelon, pasta salad, pie and a mystery entree makes for an amazing time with friends. I feel like God has blessed me completely on all sides with beautiful people...those who build me up, call me out when I'm wrong, and pray for me...and in return I can do all of that for them, because we all have the foundation of Christ. God has been good to me.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Oh, Love That Will Not Let Me Go.
I've discovered the cover of this song by Robbie Seay Band, and I can't stop listening to it. Sometimes God uses a combination of his unchanging word and music from those who have been called to worship to cause us to refocus and start our week off right.
Oh, Love That Will Not Let Me Go
O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.
O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.
O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.
Rejoice my heart, rejoice my soul, my Savior God has come to thee,
Rejoice my heart, you've been made whole, by a love that will not let you go.
O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.
O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.
O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.
Rejoice my heart, rejoice my soul, my Savior God has come to thee,
Rejoice my heart, you've been made whole, by a love that will not let you go.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
More endeavors of the creative types.
Hello friends.
I've discovered a few things this week:
-There are truly nice guys left in this world.
-God is even BETTER than the nicest boy!
-"Love like you've never been hurt."
-Don't leave muffins with berries in them on the counter...berries need to be refrigerated, because they spoil...bottom line: refrigerate berry muffins!
-Time with friends is priceless, but time spent with gross people isn't worth much. And it just makes you feel dirty.
-Scraping lead paint off of an old chair takes TIME.
-Working out for the first time in a long while feels amazingly painful...and sometimes, you almost feel like you want to barf. But it'll be all ok when you become a boxer.
-Coffee has healing powers.
-We have hopes and dreams for a reason...some of them may seem silly or irrational but who knows what will become of them someday. In the meantime, write them down. In fact, write EVERYTHING down that you think may be semi-important.
Here are some creative things that happened this week!
Rachel and I had a supper yummy dinner on Thursday...grilled chicken salad with fresh tomato and delicious dressing! And then dirty rice later. Mmmmm-mmmm.
To save a little money, I've made a few cards for different showers and events that have happened recently. They were really easy and super fun!
The inside of the top 2 cards:
Chocolate cupcakes with a chocolate center I made for a birthday party my good friend Colleen hosted...allrecipes.com gave me yet another yummy recipe!
Frosted!
And that's all for this week, folks! But a new week is coming, with new adventures, new creative projects (special project is almost done!) and lots of new things to discover! With the way things are going lately, I think I'm quite excited....
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Letting go.
Thanks for giving me yet ANOTHER rainy, cold day, Ohio! I put on shorts this morning despite the crappy weather, in hopes that they might conjure up lovely weather but NO. Of course not.
This morning was really fun...I took my scones and muffins to Abby's house and a group of us helped her address her wedding invitation envelopes. It was fun to catch up with that group of women, and the coffee, laughs and good food made it even better. The strawberry trifle Abby made was DElicious!
The day didn't really start out wonderfully for me. I had a dream about an ex and his girlfriend, and I just had this horrible sad feeling the entire time. Dreams are so odd...for some reason, we were all in my grandparent's living room and they were just going on and on about all of this stuff and I think I was trying to put things in my backpack as quickly as I could so I could just get out of there...it was SO awkward. I remember thinking that later I was going to go somewhere and cry. I've never had an interaction with them in real life (I think God has truly protected my heart from witnessing that), so this was a little random. I haven't cried about this for a long time...ever since the day I found out about them and proceeded to rip everything up he ever gave me (probably the most dramatic/ridiculous thing I'd ever done, but it was healing, let me tell you!).
Luckily, I didn't wake up crying. Or cry after I woke up. It took a bit to clear my head and realize yes, it's true, they're dating but by the grace of God we will never be forced to be in the same room...especially not my grandparents living room! Needless to say my focus was completely screwed and I just kept mulling things over in my head...things I thought I was done with. After a break up, there are certain thoughts that completely captivate your mind. You run over things a million and one times, but at the end of the day, you're still faced with an emptiness, and the fact that you are alone once again. I remember being alright during the day (except when I heard a car go by my window with exceptionally loud bass) but night time was the worst...having to just LIE there with your thoughts for hours on end was horrible. I cried most nights and basically got every tear I ever had out of my body. It was QUITE exhausting. And I wasn't just crying over this relationship that had ended...it was the friendship behind it also. I was faced with the daunting task of taking my heart back from someone who had had it for far too long...a heart I'd willingly allowed this person to hold when they really didn't even deserve it.
I have many moments where I fail, and I'm simply a meanie butthead, but for the most part I consider myself to be a loving and forgiving person. I think I heard a quote once that spoke to the fact that the bigger heart a person has, the more it'll hurt when it breaks. And for some reason, the people with the big hearts get taken advantage of more often, thus resulting in broken hearts that have a harder time healing with each new wound. I battered myself with degrading thoughts, watched movies to make me cry even more, and basically hated being at school. HATED it. It quite literally made me ill to be there and the closer it got to Christmas break, more urgent was the need for me to run as fast as I could home.
Healing didn't begin to come until I was home and far, far away from any house on a street corner, from memories that cropped up at the oddest of times. I was surrounded by love...by people who loved me and valued me. People who have always done that, and who will continue to do so until we all die. When I began to let go...or at least loosen the grip a bit...things began to look up. It helped we didn't talk at all-praise GOD for that! (I have a tangent about that, but this post is already long enough...haha) Even after I got back to school, things just started to look up...once again, I attributed that to God and my relationship with him that just kept growing. I mean, who else did I have that created me and knows me entirely? No one.
All of that to say that eventually the tears dried...because honestly, they were being wasted on the wrong person. That sounds really harsh, but when you can see things in hindsight, there's no need to mince words. I looked back over our relationship, over all of my failed relationships, and reassessed all of these really "great" elements to each one that really aren't so great at all. Not even in the least. And I've come to the conclusion (from the Word of God and people he brings in my life to encourage me) that I haven't been treated right in any of my relationships. Save for my dad and brother and a few other males, there are have far too many guys who've treated me like crap, simply because they can, and that's just NOT ok. None of them deserve my tears, my thoughts, my hopes or dreams. Far too many of them are little boys who THINK they're men, pretending to be something they're not. It makes me so mad that too many guys don't TRULY take a look at themselves before they even think about trying to enter into a relationship. You just can't be in a healthy relationship if you haven't first worked on yourself...sheesh, that's turning into another tangent!
Anyway...all that to say this day has turned out to be much better than I initially thought it would. I've been surrounded by people who care, and who have repeatedly confirmed in my life that I am worth something. A thought came to me...I am worth SO much more than the worth I've been "assigned" by those who have taken advantage of me.
This morning was really fun...I took my scones and muffins to Abby's house and a group of us helped her address her wedding invitation envelopes. It was fun to catch up with that group of women, and the coffee, laughs and good food made it even better. The strawberry trifle Abby made was DElicious!
The day didn't really start out wonderfully for me. I had a dream about an ex and his girlfriend, and I just had this horrible sad feeling the entire time. Dreams are so odd...for some reason, we were all in my grandparent's living room and they were just going on and on about all of this stuff and I think I was trying to put things in my backpack as quickly as I could so I could just get out of there...it was SO awkward. I remember thinking that later I was going to go somewhere and cry. I've never had an interaction with them in real life (I think God has truly protected my heart from witnessing that), so this was a little random. I haven't cried about this for a long time...ever since the day I found out about them and proceeded to rip everything up he ever gave me (probably the most dramatic/ridiculous thing I'd ever done, but it was healing, let me tell you!).
Luckily, I didn't wake up crying. Or cry after I woke up. It took a bit to clear my head and realize yes, it's true, they're dating but by the grace of God we will never be forced to be in the same room...especially not my grandparents living room! Needless to say my focus was completely screwed and I just kept mulling things over in my head...things I thought I was done with. After a break up, there are certain thoughts that completely captivate your mind. You run over things a million and one times, but at the end of the day, you're still faced with an emptiness, and the fact that you are alone once again. I remember being alright during the day (except when I heard a car go by my window with exceptionally loud bass) but night time was the worst...having to just LIE there with your thoughts for hours on end was horrible. I cried most nights and basically got every tear I ever had out of my body. It was QUITE exhausting. And I wasn't just crying over this relationship that had ended...it was the friendship behind it also. I was faced with the daunting task of taking my heart back from someone who had had it for far too long...a heart I'd willingly allowed this person to hold when they really didn't even deserve it.
I have many moments where I fail, and I'm simply a meanie butthead, but for the most part I consider myself to be a loving and forgiving person. I think I heard a quote once that spoke to the fact that the bigger heart a person has, the more it'll hurt when it breaks. And for some reason, the people with the big hearts get taken advantage of more often, thus resulting in broken hearts that have a harder time healing with each new wound. I battered myself with degrading thoughts, watched movies to make me cry even more, and basically hated being at school. HATED it. It quite literally made me ill to be there and the closer it got to Christmas break, more urgent was the need for me to run as fast as I could home.
Healing didn't begin to come until I was home and far, far away from any house on a street corner, from memories that cropped up at the oddest of times. I was surrounded by love...by people who loved me and valued me. People who have always done that, and who will continue to do so until we all die. When I began to let go...or at least loosen the grip a bit...things began to look up. It helped we didn't talk at all-praise GOD for that! (I have a tangent about that, but this post is already long enough...haha) Even after I got back to school, things just started to look up...once again, I attributed that to God and my relationship with him that just kept growing. I mean, who else did I have that created me and knows me entirely? No one.
All of that to say that eventually the tears dried...because honestly, they were being wasted on the wrong person. That sounds really harsh, but when you can see things in hindsight, there's no need to mince words. I looked back over our relationship, over all of my failed relationships, and reassessed all of these really "great" elements to each one that really aren't so great at all. Not even in the least. And I've come to the conclusion (from the Word of God and people he brings in my life to encourage me) that I haven't been treated right in any of my relationships. Save for my dad and brother and a few other males, there are have far too many guys who've treated me like crap, simply because they can, and that's just NOT ok. None of them deserve my tears, my thoughts, my hopes or dreams. Far too many of them are little boys who THINK they're men, pretending to be something they're not. It makes me so mad that too many guys don't TRULY take a look at themselves before they even think about trying to enter into a relationship. You just can't be in a healthy relationship if you haven't first worked on yourself...sheesh, that's turning into another tangent!
Anyway...all that to say this day has turned out to be much better than I initially thought it would. I've been surrounded by people who care, and who have repeatedly confirmed in my life that I am worth something. A thought came to me...I am worth SO much more than the worth I've been "assigned" by those who have taken advantage of me.
And I—in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness. Ps. 17
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)