God is good, and has been blessing me immensely.
I know it's been far too long since I've written. I've been meaning to and started a post back in mid-September, but, as you can see, it never got published. Oops. Let me tell you, life has been non-stop CRAZY since I got back to school August 8th. Leaving Colorado began the craziness. There were SO many tears, and I basically cried the entire 3 hour bus ride from Steamboat to Denver. (That was on the 7th). The next morning I left Denver for Louisville, KY around 6 am, where my mom met me with my car full of stuff and we drove on to good ol' Jackson, Mississippi. I was SO thankful that my roomies and I had moved the majority of our stuff to our precious little duplex back in May, but I still felt like I brought tons of crap with me. (I'm trying not to think about moving out in a mere 7 months...). Mom only stayed a day to get me settled in and then headed back to Ohio. It was hard not to be able to my daddy too...the job he has now just takes him ALL over and he doesn't have as much vacation time as he used to. Thank GOODNESS for Skype:)
Since then, school has started and once again, my planner is continually getting filled with more and more stuff. I'm taking Directing, Improv Comedy, Photography, Pilates, Scriptwriting and Worship Team. I feel like it's a healthy (and random) mix of classes and, in short, I love it. Photography is something I've enjoyed for quite awhile, but learning about the workings of a 35mm camera and having to do everything with my hands is amazing, and a beautiful art form different from anything in the theatre. I love that...I love doing things outside my major because I believe it's quite beneficial to be well rounded. I've gotten over my fear of rolling film onto a reel and screwing it up, and now I can process in under an hour. Woohoo! My photography teacher Gretchen has really liked my photos and now it's just a matter of refining my skills in the dark room. My final documentary project is due in less than a month so I need to just start shooting things that interest me and maybe in that a documentary idea will form.
I'm currently on fall break, and I can't even tell you how needed this is. I don't know how I lived without it in High School. I'm starting to feel my annual fall cold coming on, so now is a perfect time to stop rushing about and just REST. And breathe...breathing would be nice. There are many wonderful things to be thankful for: amazing roommates, renewed friendships, NEW friendships, a deeper relationship with Christ, beautiful weather, a wonderful and amazing boyfriend, lovely family...I think I could just go on forever. One of the lessons Christ is trying to teach me is to thank him more. All too often I get caught up in asking and asking and asking him for things, without even a thought directed towards him in thanks. How stupid is that? He's given me everything, and I can't even offer up a simple "thank you", or thank him with my life by spending time with him each day? Amidst this busyness it's been quite the struggle to stop what I'm doing and read his Word. It also frustrates me that I can attempt to memorize Shakespeare all day long but don't take the time to memorize the Bible, which is the defense he's given me against the enemy. Stupid human. Thankfully, his love and mercy are new every morning and I have a chance EVERYDAY to renew my commitment to him. I'm learning!
My attitude towards one particular area of my life hasn't been the best lately, and I'm thinking I need to change that very soon. I'm involved in a show right now that, quite honestly, I hate. I have never been so frustrated with a process as I am with this one. Me and 7 other actors are attempting to do the story of "Romeo and Juliet" and that is proving to be QUITE the task. I play a million different parts and have about a million lines to match that. This last minute rush to memorize lines is basically my fault, because I wasn't really sure if this show would actually come to fruition. We're less than 2 weeks from opening night and it seems to be moving ahead, so I think I should probably start learning my parts. I've been trying to cram as much in my brain the last 2 days and still have 2 more days to do the latter half of the play...it's killing me. I just feel as if I'm getting no direction or help or any encouragement really. It's just frustrating. But I have to buckle down and learn these lines one way or another...
Right now I'm enjoying a wonderful time with friends. I made pumpkin milkshakes...vanilla ice cream, pumpkin pie filling, vanilla extract, cinnamon and pumpkin pie spice. We couldn't find pumpkin pie ice cream in the store (seasonal FAIL) but this turned out to be really tasty! I think we'll be making these again soon. It's SO nice to be able to cook in my own little kitchen and have a place to rest...away from the craziness of school. I'll have to put up pictures at some point. The decor of our house is very random and eclectic, but I love it. Most of the furniture has been given to us or found by the side of the road. The thrill of finding a large desk and shelf unit can't be compared to many other things...
It's taken me 2 days to publish this post, so I better do it before I lose any more steam. Life is very wonderful (although very odd at times...aka an ex getting engaged) and I'm quite happy with where God has placed me. It's both exciting and frightening, but if there's one thing I've learned from this adventure so far, is that he's got my back and he won't leave me to fend for myself. My heart's dream is to go back to Colorado, but does that line up with what God wants for me?
I can't really say. For now, I'm not going to worry, but instead am going to enjoy everything as it comes, such as delicious decaf coffee with a spot of Creme Brulee creamer and a movie with the room-bug. Oh, and maybe I'll try to enjoy these lines I'm memorizing...
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Too many thoughts for words.
It is WAY past July 11th, way past the nervous feelings I had before my campers came. So much has gone on that would take 90 years to explain and none of it would make much sense to people who aren't here and frankly, it'd probably be pretty boring.
At this point, I'm looking at my last 6 days in Steamboat and that is the strangest thing to me. It's funny to think that I've been here for less than 2 months but this feels so much like home. These people whom I knew nothing about at first are now like family and I couldn't imagine not knowing them. We've been through a lot and I can honestly say this is the toughest job that I've ever had. At the same time, it's been the most satisfying, the most beautiful, the most wonderful. I'm 22 hours away from "home" (or 18 hours, depending on whether I feel like Jackson is home or not), I haven't seen my family in quite awhile (and may not see my dad until Thanksgiving), I'd never been to this place before June 13th and I've had to figure a lot of things out on my own.
Then why do I love it here so much?
If home is where the heart is, then I'm home. Yet I can't say that with a clear conscience, because I feel like bits and pieces of my heart are all over the place-Jackson, Marion, here, and with the counselors that left this morning. How is it still possible to have a full heart after that? To know where you belong? It's late, and I've gotten up before 6 the past 2 days and I feel like all of my intelligent thought has gone out the window.
And now Sufjan Stevens is playing on Pandora and I want to cry.
My body is all sorts of messed up for various reasons, and I'm in a constant state of physical discomfort with hardly any relief. The only semi-settled thing is my heart and the peace I feel each day when I wake up to sunshine and the anticipation of a good breakfast. There's also the anticipation of what the day will hold-who's going to need my love? My listening ear? My sympathy? If I've realized anything this summer, it's that people are hurting and oftentimes all they want is love. A hug. Someone to hold their hand. Someone to truly listen, to identify with, to respond to their problems. There's no replacement for quality time spent discovering the likes, dislikes, fears, thoughts and values that someone holds dear. I have met some precious, PRECIOUS people, and the thought of leaving them is just frightening to me. Going back to the real world, to a place where I don't know if I belong anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited to live with 2 of my best friends in an adorable duplex and for all of the lovely muffin and coffee parties we're going to have...it's going to be amazing. I'm excited for friends and life and meeting all of those crazy freshman in just a few short weeks. I have a renewed passion for my art and for new kinds of art...to be able to help people through my passion would be amazing. I'm excited to serve, get involved, do SOMETHING worthwhile.
But there's also another feeling...a little voice telling me I need to prepare myself to fly. Maybe it's just because I've fallen in love with this place, but I want to move here in a year. I do NOT want to settle in the South...it's just not for me. I hate to plan things because they've often failed for me, but right now all I can think about is how to get back out here. After I graduate I want to become a personal trainer (because I feel that's something you can do wherever you go and this summer has definitely renewed my love for fitness), move here, do theatre when I can, and minister to people. I've found an amazing church here withing walking distance of the camp and I know it sounds silly because I've only gotten to go twice, but I feel completely at home there. It's a small church but it's so completely alive and the messages I heard had such an impact on me. Their gist was to love and serve people, which is something I believe Christ preaches over and over. Both of those things have been central to my life here, and I don't want that to stop.
So many things are swirling around in my head, and they might not make much sense but I wanted to throw them out there for the world to read. Or, for a few people to read. I don't know what the future holds...or tomorrow really...but I'm excited, scared, and a little nervous. I'm exhausted right now but I hope to blog a little more before I leave.
Goodnight.
At this point, I'm looking at my last 6 days in Steamboat and that is the strangest thing to me. It's funny to think that I've been here for less than 2 months but this feels so much like home. These people whom I knew nothing about at first are now like family and I couldn't imagine not knowing them. We've been through a lot and I can honestly say this is the toughest job that I've ever had. At the same time, it's been the most satisfying, the most beautiful, the most wonderful. I'm 22 hours away from "home" (or 18 hours, depending on whether I feel like Jackson is home or not), I haven't seen my family in quite awhile (and may not see my dad until Thanksgiving), I'd never been to this place before June 13th and I've had to figure a lot of things out on my own.
Then why do I love it here so much?
If home is where the heart is, then I'm home. Yet I can't say that with a clear conscience, because I feel like bits and pieces of my heart are all over the place-Jackson, Marion, here, and with the counselors that left this morning. How is it still possible to have a full heart after that? To know where you belong? It's late, and I've gotten up before 6 the past 2 days and I feel like all of my intelligent thought has gone out the window.
And now Sufjan Stevens is playing on Pandora and I want to cry.
My body is all sorts of messed up for various reasons, and I'm in a constant state of physical discomfort with hardly any relief. The only semi-settled thing is my heart and the peace I feel each day when I wake up to sunshine and the anticipation of a good breakfast. There's also the anticipation of what the day will hold-who's going to need my love? My listening ear? My sympathy? If I've realized anything this summer, it's that people are hurting and oftentimes all they want is love. A hug. Someone to hold their hand. Someone to truly listen, to identify with, to respond to their problems. There's no replacement for quality time spent discovering the likes, dislikes, fears, thoughts and values that someone holds dear. I have met some precious, PRECIOUS people, and the thought of leaving them is just frightening to me. Going back to the real world, to a place where I don't know if I belong anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited to live with 2 of my best friends in an adorable duplex and for all of the lovely muffin and coffee parties we're going to have...it's going to be amazing. I'm excited for friends and life and meeting all of those crazy freshman in just a few short weeks. I have a renewed passion for my art and for new kinds of art...to be able to help people through my passion would be amazing. I'm excited to serve, get involved, do SOMETHING worthwhile.
But there's also another feeling...a little voice telling me I need to prepare myself to fly. Maybe it's just because I've fallen in love with this place, but I want to move here in a year. I do NOT want to settle in the South...it's just not for me. I hate to plan things because they've often failed for me, but right now all I can think about is how to get back out here. After I graduate I want to become a personal trainer (because I feel that's something you can do wherever you go and this summer has definitely renewed my love for fitness), move here, do theatre when I can, and minister to people. I've found an amazing church here withing walking distance of the camp and I know it sounds silly because I've only gotten to go twice, but I feel completely at home there. It's a small church but it's so completely alive and the messages I heard had such an impact on me. Their gist was to love and serve people, which is something I believe Christ preaches over and over. Both of those things have been central to my life here, and I don't want that to stop.
So many things are swirling around in my head, and they might not make much sense but I wanted to throw them out there for the world to read. Or, for a few people to read. I don't know what the future holds...or tomorrow really...but I'm excited, scared, and a little nervous. I'm exhausted right now but I hope to blog a little more before I leave.
Goodnight.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The calm before the storm...of campers, that is.
Ahh...Sunday. I love the weekends. The one thing that's sucked since I got here is that I haven't been able to go to church. Without having a car, I pretty much have to catch rides or walk places. That doesn't really bother me, it just makes me feel like an inconvenience to people. I haven't been reading the Word as much as I would've like these past few days, but the cool thing about God is that you can always start over and CHOOSE to start your day off with him. I always get caught in the trap of not having enough time, when, in all actuality, I don't make the time. Sure, I'm pretty busy here between my kids and class and dozens of other random duties I'm called upon to do daily, but there's always time. The plans to go to church today didn't get solidified yesterday, so instead I listened to my pastor from Mississippi's online sermon. I've downloaded the podcasts to his "Sex Talk" series, and let me tell you, they're AWESOME. I'd highly recommend them. You can go to pinelake.org and listen to them there or go to the iTunes store, look up Pinelake Church and all of the latest sermons are there. (There's my shameless plug for the day!) I can't even tell you how convicting they are...basically I'm more assured than ever that to pursue Christ above all else is the key to lasting happiness and fulfillment. Like my pastor said, instead of searching for "Mr. Right", I want to BE Mr. (Mrs., really) Right! Be the woman who's spirit is so lost in Christ that nothing else matters. As I'm realizing in this secular world, this is so important. I don't really have people coming along side me here encouraging me in my walk with Christ. It's a full on spiritual battle/ministry field, and I'm working on sharing who I am and the love I have with people I encounter. I've already touched on this a little in my last entry so I won't get back on my soap box....
Despite not being able to go to church, this day has been wonderful. Another sunny day greeted me this morning and John fixed pancakes for breakfast-have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE pancakes and breakfast food in general? Well, if I haven't, I just really love it. Especially with mini blueberries, a little bit of yogurt and walnuts on top. Mmmmm...
I really wanted to finish this while I was in town this afternoon at my favorite bookstore/coffee shop called Off the Beaten Path because it was just the perfect location to be blogging (AND it started raining!) but sadly my ride was leaving just as I was getting into the blog. Basically here's how the past few days have gone:
-All of my babies left their mama with an empty nest Saturday morning. I'll say that I definitely had a few tears in my eyes as my last 2 girls left and I was faced with an empty cabin. It's AMAZING how much life these girls poured into our rustic little place-someone was always laughing, playing the piano, painting nails, reading a book...often all of those things were going on at once. I'd just go into my room and smile, only to be dragged out of my moment of a solitude a second later by several cries of "DANIELLLLE!!!" Just as this next group of girls probably won't be quieted by my lullaby, they also probably won't line up to get their hair french braided. Since I don't have a sister, I missed out on that opportunity growing up but made up for that completely by doing countless french braids during these past two weeks. Oh, and I got a manicure! Hot pink nails with white french tips...ohhh yeah. (You know you're jealous!)
-After the girls left, a few other counselors and I went into town to do laundry. This time it'd only been probably a week and a half, maybe 2, but I still had a lot to wash. That's where I wrote my last blog. Yay for laundry mats with Wi-fi but boo because they charge so much! After that I went back to the cabin and continued to read "My Sister's Keeper." The movie tore at my soul, and this book does the same. SHEESH.
-Today was the perfect ending to a lovely weekend. Despite me being a heathen this morning and not going to church, I did get the chance to go on a great run. I remembered seeing a sign for a Bible Church really close to camp, so I ran the opposite way of town and sure enough, there was the sign! I know the service times now so I'll definitely be there next week. I turned down a little country road and just had to smile at the beauty I encountered as I ran...gorgeous log homes, tall Aspen trees, random rock formations, and MOUNTAINS! I felt like I was getting closer and closer to the mountains in the distance when really, I probably wasn't at all. It's nice to feel small and insignificant sometimes, and at the same time still feel worthy to be able to be in the presence of such an amazing creation. On my way back down the road I saw this slanted rock, probably only 6 feet high and after my recent climbing endeavors I decided to climb it. It wasn't too much of a feat, but I still made it to the top a few times going a few different ways. It was nice to just sit up there and observe. A few cars drove by and at first I felt a little odd to be sitting on this small rock...but then again, this is climbing country so I'm sure people are used to seeing random people on rocks.
-To finish off this fine day, I went to the bookstore and just sat and rested. I'm not fully recovered from these past 2 weeks and any chance I can sit still and just BE is a blessing. I Skyped with my family for about an hour, read an amazing Edward Monkton book and crocheted. I can't tell you how much I love this bookstore. The smell of the books and smell of brewing coffee and all of the sounds that go along with such a business are some of my favorite in the world. It was nice to not have plans...to do what I wanted and not have to keep track of anyone. I'm hoping I can find a few moments like that in these last few weeks of camp...
I look back on today and can honestly say that I loved it. I was met with another beautiful, sunny morning and spent the day in peace, but also feeling a sense of accomplishment, thanks to the running. At this point, our newly cleaned cabin is probably more ready for the girls than I am. I don't even know what to expect with this next bunch except probably a good dose of attitude and sass. Ay yi yi...Lord Jesus, help me to be loving and connect with these girls in some way. That's just my prayer for these next few days, which are probably going to be rough and awkward and but hopefully uneventful...aka no one falling out of bunks or puking or getting homesick. That would be nice. Oh, and after dinner tonight I finished "My Sister's Keeper" and let me just tell you, I shed a few tears. It was beautiful and horrible all at the same time. I'm about ready to start "Chocolat" and I hear it's good. I've never seen the movie but I'll probably end up watching it someday, when I return to the "real" world.
For now, I'm going to rest some more. And hopefully Skype. Do you ever feel like you absolutely love the place you're in, but you'd like to transfer a few key people to that place in order to make it just perfect? I'm feeling that right now for sure. I'm not necessarily homesick, just people sick a little. Thank goodness for Skype and old fashioned letter writing. :)
Despite not being able to go to church, this day has been wonderful. Another sunny day greeted me this morning and John fixed pancakes for breakfast-have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE pancakes and breakfast food in general? Well, if I haven't, I just really love it. Especially with mini blueberries, a little bit of yogurt and walnuts on top. Mmmmm...
I really wanted to finish this while I was in town this afternoon at my favorite bookstore/coffee shop called Off the Beaten Path because it was just the perfect location to be blogging (AND it started raining!) but sadly my ride was leaving just as I was getting into the blog. Basically here's how the past few days have gone:
-All of my babies left their mama with an empty nest Saturday morning. I'll say that I definitely had a few tears in my eyes as my last 2 girls left and I was faced with an empty cabin. It's AMAZING how much life these girls poured into our rustic little place-someone was always laughing, playing the piano, painting nails, reading a book...often all of those things were going on at once. I'd just go into my room and smile, only to be dragged out of my moment of a solitude a second later by several cries of "DANIELLLLE!!!" Just as this next group of girls probably won't be quieted by my lullaby, they also probably won't line up to get their hair french braided. Since I don't have a sister, I missed out on that opportunity growing up but made up for that completely by doing countless french braids during these past two weeks. Oh, and I got a manicure! Hot pink nails with white french tips...ohhh yeah. (You know you're jealous!)
-After the girls left, a few other counselors and I went into town to do laundry. This time it'd only been probably a week and a half, maybe 2, but I still had a lot to wash. That's where I wrote my last blog. Yay for laundry mats with Wi-fi but boo because they charge so much! After that I went back to the cabin and continued to read "My Sister's Keeper." The movie tore at my soul, and this book does the same. SHEESH.
-Today was the perfect ending to a lovely weekend. Despite me being a heathen this morning and not going to church, I did get the chance to go on a great run. I remembered seeing a sign for a Bible Church really close to camp, so I ran the opposite way of town and sure enough, there was the sign! I know the service times now so I'll definitely be there next week. I turned down a little country road and just had to smile at the beauty I encountered as I ran...gorgeous log homes, tall Aspen trees, random rock formations, and MOUNTAINS! I felt like I was getting closer and closer to the mountains in the distance when really, I probably wasn't at all. It's nice to feel small and insignificant sometimes, and at the same time still feel worthy to be able to be in the presence of such an amazing creation. On my way back down the road I saw this slanted rock, probably only 6 feet high and after my recent climbing endeavors I decided to climb it. It wasn't too much of a feat, but I still made it to the top a few times going a few different ways. It was nice to just sit up there and observe. A few cars drove by and at first I felt a little odd to be sitting on this small rock...but then again, this is climbing country so I'm sure people are used to seeing random people on rocks.
-To finish off this fine day, I went to the bookstore and just sat and rested. I'm not fully recovered from these past 2 weeks and any chance I can sit still and just BE is a blessing. I Skyped with my family for about an hour, read an amazing Edward Monkton book and crocheted. I can't tell you how much I love this bookstore. The smell of the books and smell of brewing coffee and all of the sounds that go along with such a business are some of my favorite in the world. It was nice to not have plans...to do what I wanted and not have to keep track of anyone. I'm hoping I can find a few moments like that in these last few weeks of camp...
I look back on today and can honestly say that I loved it. I was met with another beautiful, sunny morning and spent the day in peace, but also feeling a sense of accomplishment, thanks to the running. At this point, our newly cleaned cabin is probably more ready for the girls than I am. I don't even know what to expect with this next bunch except probably a good dose of attitude and sass. Ay yi yi...Lord Jesus, help me to be loving and connect with these girls in some way. That's just my prayer for these next few days, which are probably going to be rough and awkward and but hopefully uneventful...aka no one falling out of bunks or puking or getting homesick. That would be nice. Oh, and after dinner tonight I finished "My Sister's Keeper" and let me just tell you, I shed a few tears. It was beautiful and horrible all at the same time. I'm about ready to start "Chocolat" and I hear it's good. I've never seen the movie but I'll probably end up watching it someday, when I return to the "real" world.
For now, I'm going to rest some more. And hopefully Skype. Do you ever feel like you absolutely love the place you're in, but you'd like to transfer a few key people to that place in order to make it just perfect? I'm feeling that right now for sure. I'm not necessarily homesick, just people sick a little. Thank goodness for Skype and old fashioned letter writing. :)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Goodbyes and Hellos...and nearly one month down.
Wow, so I definitely have meant to write more in this little blog over this summer, but I've seriously not had time! My Junior campers (5th-7th graders) got here about 2 weeks ago and since then, it's been a "hit the ground running" situation. We have to be with them 24/7 since they're just young'ns...aka we can't send them off to the cabin by themselves for long periods of time or send them out in the woods to play hide and seek. Me and my fellow counselor's patience was definitely tested a little in the beginning, but that's because I think the girls were trying to test US to see what they'd be able to get away with, which hasn't been much. We really haven't had to "lay down the law" too much with them...one incident sticks out to me. Honestly, I think that they're a GREAT group of girls and some of them definitely remind me of myself at that age. It's funny...when I hear how they talk and what they talk about I think "Was I REALLY like that when I was 12?" but chances are, I probably was. The talk about boys, the obsession with looking good, the slight competition between me and my friends during certain activities. For all of the rough times we've had (homesickness, illnesses, falling out of the bunk), there have been SO many more good memories made that I can't help but smile everday. In order to not have this blog go on forever and ever, I'm going to list the things I love about my girls, camp, Colorado, life (which is basically everything, but I'll try to limit myself).
P.S.-I canNOT believe it's almost been a month since that first rainy day that I landed in Colorado...where has all the time gone?
It's been a few days since I started this and sadly my campers left this morning. Yes, they tried my spirit at times but all in all, they were good girls and there were definitely a few tears as they left this morning. Eleven of our fifteen ladies checked out yesterday after their Showcase so we were left with 4 last night. Ice cream, movies and a sleepover in the bunk room with our girls were essential. I haven't been able to run these past few days but you better believe that I'm going to get back into it this week-I can't wait!
Things I love thus far (and a few things that I'll miss now that my girls are gone):
-the sound of their chatter and laughter as they woke up in the mornings.
-the coldness of each morning, but how I'm always warm cocooned in my sleeping bag.
-sitting on my outside stoop in the mornings, coffee, Bible and journal in hand. That spot is also great for writing letters.
-the hugs and "I love yous" I'd get from my girls...sheesh, I'm going to miss them TONS.
-bedtimes...singing my girls to sleep with a lullaby I wrote and a variety of other songs. Somehow I don't think the 8th-10th graders coming in a few days will appreciate such a thing...
-breakfast. I'm telling you, we probably have the best camp cook around. Oatmeal or french toast with little blueberries, walnuts, and bananas on top is amazing.
-being inspired to run because of the beautiful mountains and nature I see everyday.
-the peace I feel just walking around camp, breathing the air, smiling at people...God is here, and alive, and I pray that he's working through me everyday.
-LIFE. The one opportunity we have to live it, and live it fully.
The list can really go on and on...and on. The only thing that I'm struggling with now is that I haven't been able to go to church since I've been here. Thankfully the option is open to me, but what's been happening is that we have TONS of stuff happening on Sundays, and there really hasn't been time. I'm really happy that me and Sabrina, the assistant program coordinator here, will probably get to go tomorrow. In my own quiet time I mainly search the Word for something that jumps out at me or I'll look up specific themes I'm interested in here. I've also written out tons of encouraging verses and have them pasted all around my room. One of my favorites is from James, and it's the last part of a verse-it simply says "Mercy triumphs over judgement!" How simple, yet poignant is that? With this not being a Christian environment, there are many things I could be judgemental about, but where would that get me? What kind of impact would I be able to have then? I would just be another one of those hypocritical Christians that so many people have been hurt by these days...Christians who preach love, forgiveness and acceptance but who are the first to judge someone instead of love them, who are so adamant to push what they feel to be correct without listening to what anyone has to say. What I've learned is to love first...not believe in what someone believes in or completely change your morals and convictions to be accomodating...but realize that the person you're talking to is first and foremost a PERSON, created by God. And just as you've been redeemed and saved from the life you lived apart from Christ, there is that same potential for them. This is something God has been teaching me these past few years, and even more so this summer. And by staying strong in him and holding those convictions close he's given me, I've been able to fully love those around me and hopefully have some sort of impact on everyone I encounter. I've already had a few awesome conversations with a few people and by the grace of God, we've been able to talk openly and respect each other's opinions. God is mighty and I have no doubt that he will continue to work in me and through me, as long as I stay receptive to what he wants to teach me.
This is one of my new favorite verses that I'm going to carry around with me everywhere.
P.S.-I canNOT believe it's almost been a month since that first rainy day that I landed in Colorado...where has all the time gone?
It's been a few days since I started this and sadly my campers left this morning. Yes, they tried my spirit at times but all in all, they were good girls and there were definitely a few tears as they left this morning. Eleven of our fifteen ladies checked out yesterday after their Showcase so we were left with 4 last night. Ice cream, movies and a sleepover in the bunk room with our girls were essential. I haven't been able to run these past few days but you better believe that I'm going to get back into it this week-I can't wait!
Things I love thus far (and a few things that I'll miss now that my girls are gone):
-the sound of their chatter and laughter as they woke up in the mornings.
-the coldness of each morning, but how I'm always warm cocooned in my sleeping bag.
-sitting on my outside stoop in the mornings, coffee, Bible and journal in hand. That spot is also great for writing letters.
-the hugs and "I love yous" I'd get from my girls...sheesh, I'm going to miss them TONS.
-bedtimes...singing my girls to sleep with a lullaby I wrote and a variety of other songs. Somehow I don't think the 8th-10th graders coming in a few days will appreciate such a thing...
-breakfast. I'm telling you, we probably have the best camp cook around. Oatmeal or french toast with little blueberries, walnuts, and bananas on top is amazing.
-being inspired to run because of the beautiful mountains and nature I see everyday.
-the peace I feel just walking around camp, breathing the air, smiling at people...God is here, and alive, and I pray that he's working through me everyday.
-LIFE. The one opportunity we have to live it, and live it fully.
The list can really go on and on...and on. The only thing that I'm struggling with now is that I haven't been able to go to church since I've been here. Thankfully the option is open to me, but what's been happening is that we have TONS of stuff happening on Sundays, and there really hasn't been time. I'm really happy that me and Sabrina, the assistant program coordinator here, will probably get to go tomorrow. In my own quiet time I mainly search the Word for something that jumps out at me or I'll look up specific themes I'm interested in here. I've also written out tons of encouraging verses and have them pasted all around my room. One of my favorites is from James, and it's the last part of a verse-it simply says "Mercy triumphs over judgement!" How simple, yet poignant is that? With this not being a Christian environment, there are many things I could be judgemental about, but where would that get me? What kind of impact would I be able to have then? I would just be another one of those hypocritical Christians that so many people have been hurt by these days...Christians who preach love, forgiveness and acceptance but who are the first to judge someone instead of love them, who are so adamant to push what they feel to be correct without listening to what anyone has to say. What I've learned is to love first...not believe in what someone believes in or completely change your morals and convictions to be accomodating...but realize that the person you're talking to is first and foremost a PERSON, created by God. And just as you've been redeemed and saved from the life you lived apart from Christ, there is that same potential for them. This is something God has been teaching me these past few years, and even more so this summer. And by staying strong in him and holding those convictions close he's given me, I've been able to fully love those around me and hopefully have some sort of impact on everyone I encounter. I've already had a few awesome conversations with a few people and by the grace of God, we've been able to talk openly and respect each other's opinions. God is mighty and I have no doubt that he will continue to work in me and through me, as long as I stay receptive to what he wants to teach me.
This is one of my new favorite verses that I'm going to carry around with me everywhere.
"Your decrees are the theme of my song, wherever I lodge."
Psalm 119:53-55
Back to laundry, relaxing, reading and a beautiful Colorado day.
Psalm 119:53-55
Back to laundry, relaxing, reading and a beautiful Colorado day.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
COLORADO.
After much waiting and anticipation, I finally made it to Steamboat Springs! The flight from Columbus to Denver was a little more turbulent than I expected and, as always, that freaks me out. Surprisingly the flight over the mountains (from Denver to Hayden, the airport 30 minutes away from camp) was LESS turbulent. I was thankful for that...we JUST missed the storms! It was still pretty rainy though and cold. This adopted Southerner no longer has the ability to stand 50 degree or below temps for long periods of time. Very sad fact, but true.
I've only been here since Sunday, but I feel like it's been much longer than that...maybe a month? Or two? I've adjusted pretty well to the altitude without the aid of any drugs, just tons and tons of water...which makes me pee quite a lot. But I feel super healthy and cleansed all the time, so that's a wonderful benefit. The mud and rain that was present the first 2 days of camp has now pretty much dried up and I'm staring at slightly cloudy (but sunny skies)...it's probably in the lower 70s. Much better than hailing, rainy 50s! The nights are still pretty cold. One large reason would be because the screen on my door leading to the outside doesn't have a glass in front of it so I had to "ghetto rig" it, as I like to say. Basically that consists of a thin cloth tacked in front of the screen, most of my hanging clothes, and then a towel strung over that. I haven't noticed much help from that...I'm sleeping in a sweatshirt, multiple shirts and pairs of socks, and sweatpants. Sadly my parents are in North Carolina right now and can't send me any of my warm clothes from home. Only a few more weeks and then I won't have to wear my same old Belhaven College sweatshirt all the time!
Like I said, so much has happened in these past few days and it's really hard to wrap my mind around it all. I've met tons of new people and continue to meet new ones daily. The Technical Director here is from Ohio-I knew I had to meet him when I saw he was wearing a Buckeyes sweatshirt! I've also had the immense pleasure of meeting my fellow counselors...we come from ALL over and all walks of life and backgrounds and such. It's eye opening, beautiful, difficult (at times) and crazy, all at the same time! I was a little lonely a few nights ago but now we're all meshing and blending more, and I can honestly say I love each one of them. We laugh and laugh and laugh until we're practically crying and peeing our pants. Belly laughter is my favorite! We have inside jokes all over the place and I bought a pair of $5 "State Trooper" aviators...I call them my authority glasses. Basically I look REALLY authoritative and official in them...those kids won't know what's coming to them!
We've done a few different counselor activities each night, which are totally necessary after all of the meetings we have all day. We got to go to the hot springs the other night, which was super awesome! It's basically natural hot baths in the earth...kinda like an earthen hot tub. We went to a place where clothing is optional after dark but we left before then. Someday when I'm old, I WILL return there and partake of that! Last night we went into Steamboat and walked around and got coffee. I LOVE developed downtowns, and that is certainly one of them. It's adorable, and there are a lot of fun shops. We're going to be taking the kids there once a week, so it was good to be familiar with the town. I don't know how that's going to work exactly, but they've been doing it for years so I'm sure it'll all flow once we get the hang of everything.
Another interesting experience I've had is learning how to drive a 15 passenger van! It's not as scary as I initially thought and it makes me feel like I own the road, which I love. Combine that with my Statie sunglasses and I'm basically unstoppable!
(Sooo I started this many days ago but I haven't been able to get on the internet lately...so now I'm going to finish it!)
I also rode a horse the other day for the first time in a long while and I forgot how relaxing that is. Sometimes it's just nice to sit on a horse and not really have to do anything, except move the reins occasionally. Plus it's a really beautiful way to observe nature and breathe in the fresh air. I can't get OVER how clean the air is here. It's unbelievable.
The 11th, 12th, and college age kids arrived the other day so that's been interesting and fun. Except at the same time, I'm feel a bit useless because the counselors for the older kids are taking care of their kids and I'm just doing random office work and such. Or crocheting...quite a lot. I'm on my third hat so far and it's REALLY fun. I'm trying new patterns and making them for people here. Inspiration is just FLOWING!
I got placed in Jazz I and Tap I and those classes start tomorrow...yippee! I've taken tap before but never Jazz-it's going to be great.
This post has taken me far too long to write, so I think I'm just going to end this. Basically I love life, nature, the out of doors, and people. And Jesus. I think this whole experience is going to bring me closer to him. I'm happy to be alive!
I've only been here since Sunday, but I feel like it's been much longer than that...maybe a month? Or two? I've adjusted pretty well to the altitude without the aid of any drugs, just tons and tons of water...which makes me pee quite a lot. But I feel super healthy and cleansed all the time, so that's a wonderful benefit. The mud and rain that was present the first 2 days of camp has now pretty much dried up and I'm staring at slightly cloudy (but sunny skies)...it's probably in the lower 70s. Much better than hailing, rainy 50s! The nights are still pretty cold. One large reason would be because the screen on my door leading to the outside doesn't have a glass in front of it so I had to "ghetto rig" it, as I like to say. Basically that consists of a thin cloth tacked in front of the screen, most of my hanging clothes, and then a towel strung over that. I haven't noticed much help from that...I'm sleeping in a sweatshirt, multiple shirts and pairs of socks, and sweatpants. Sadly my parents are in North Carolina right now and can't send me any of my warm clothes from home. Only a few more weeks and then I won't have to wear my same old Belhaven College sweatshirt all the time!
Like I said, so much has happened in these past few days and it's really hard to wrap my mind around it all. I've met tons of new people and continue to meet new ones daily. The Technical Director here is from Ohio-I knew I had to meet him when I saw he was wearing a Buckeyes sweatshirt! I've also had the immense pleasure of meeting my fellow counselors...we come from ALL over and all walks of life and backgrounds and such. It's eye opening, beautiful, difficult (at times) and crazy, all at the same time! I was a little lonely a few nights ago but now we're all meshing and blending more, and I can honestly say I love each one of them. We laugh and laugh and laugh until we're practically crying and peeing our pants. Belly laughter is my favorite! We have inside jokes all over the place and I bought a pair of $5 "State Trooper" aviators...I call them my authority glasses. Basically I look REALLY authoritative and official in them...those kids won't know what's coming to them!
We've done a few different counselor activities each night, which are totally necessary after all of the meetings we have all day. We got to go to the hot springs the other night, which was super awesome! It's basically natural hot baths in the earth...kinda like an earthen hot tub. We went to a place where clothing is optional after dark but we left before then. Someday when I'm old, I WILL return there and partake of that! Last night we went into Steamboat and walked around and got coffee. I LOVE developed downtowns, and that is certainly one of them. It's adorable, and there are a lot of fun shops. We're going to be taking the kids there once a week, so it was good to be familiar with the town. I don't know how that's going to work exactly, but they've been doing it for years so I'm sure it'll all flow once we get the hang of everything.
Another interesting experience I've had is learning how to drive a 15 passenger van! It's not as scary as I initially thought and it makes me feel like I own the road, which I love. Combine that with my Statie sunglasses and I'm basically unstoppable!
(Sooo I started this many days ago but I haven't been able to get on the internet lately...so now I'm going to finish it!)
I also rode a horse the other day for the first time in a long while and I forgot how relaxing that is. Sometimes it's just nice to sit on a horse and not really have to do anything, except move the reins occasionally. Plus it's a really beautiful way to observe nature and breathe in the fresh air. I can't get OVER how clean the air is here. It's unbelievable.
The 11th, 12th, and college age kids arrived the other day so that's been interesting and fun. Except at the same time, I'm feel a bit useless because the counselors for the older kids are taking care of their kids and I'm just doing random office work and such. Or crocheting...quite a lot. I'm on my third hat so far and it's REALLY fun. I'm trying new patterns and making them for people here. Inspiration is just FLOWING!
I got placed in Jazz I and Tap I and those classes start tomorrow...yippee! I've taken tap before but never Jazz-it's going to be great.
This post has taken me far too long to write, so I think I'm just going to end this. Basically I love life, nature, the out of doors, and people. And Jesus. I think this whole experience is going to bring me closer to him. I'm happy to be alive!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
A lot on my mind.
I know I haven't blogged much lately, but I've been crazy busy. I've gotten to see all of my closest friends and spend some quality time with people I love-after all, it's going to be November before I see some of them again. I've also finished my little chair! It's a bit strange looking, but at the same time I love that little thing. Pictures to come soon. The best news is that I'm FINALLY almost packed for Colorado-I have to finish it up by tonight, because I leave in the tomorrow morning! Gotta love those early morning flights...getting up at 5 to be ready by 6, travel an hour to Columbus and then get on the plane to Denver by 8:30. I think it's safe to say that I'll be quite exhausted tomorrow night...hopefully I'll be able to get good sleep at my home for the summer!
Here is a view of downtown Steamboat Springs and the mountains behind it...you can be jealous:
I can't wait to be there and meet everyone-that's going to be my favorite part. And just being settled, and hopefully not living out of a suitcase. I don't know what kind of room I have or storage space or ANYTHING, so this is already looking like the biggest adventure of my life thus far. I'm not very nervous about being far away, because, well, this type of thing is normal for me. After all, I chose to go to school in Mississippi of all places, not knowing anyone and having been there only one time before. The most nerve wracking part for me are the flights...yes, I've flown a lot these past 4 years but it still doesn't make me any less nervous. Lord Jesus, give me GOOD weather tomorrow and no turbulence!
So far this summer has been one of extreme blessing. So many good things have happened, so many relationships strengthened, so many creative endeavors! I've done things I haven't done before and have been able to fit in more lunch, coffee and dinner dates than I've ever thought possible. Not to mention, God is showing himself in new and glorious ways. I am continually amazed at the strength of his presence in my life and just this satisfaction I feel just by knowing him and learning more about him. It's incomparable. Lately though, I feel a sadness and I definitely know where it's coming from. I don't know...sometimes things work out differently in your mind than they do in real life, and that can be really frustrating. Maybe something's broken and you feel like you're the only person that can see it and feel it. I am SO completely guilty of having really high expectations, which, so far, has only led to let downs. I can't really explain exactly what I'm thinking or feeling, because I fear it sounds really silly. Guys and girls are just completely, 100% different...no arguing with that. The way that we communicate and our wants and needs are not even remotely the same. I, amongst other women, have this vision in our minds that the guy is supposed to know what we're thinking, why we're thinking it, and that the guy should be able to come in and save the day and fix our problems. The guy is also "supposed" to be sensitive to our needs at all times and be available for us to spill everything at any time. Hmm...I can't think of too many guys who would go along with that. No one likes to be the dumping ground for one person's emotional problems ALL the time-that is REALLY tiring. We aren't meant to carry around the world's problems, but we try to with all of our might. And there's the problem-relying on OUR own strength and power to do everything, when we should be giving it to the One who's carried the world on His shoulders since he created it. Easy right?
No. (I could go on with that theme for a long time...I'm going to harness my ADD and stick with what I was writing before that! haha)
I don't consider myself an emotionally needy person...I'm probably more of the opposite (the person whom people go to for help and advice). But lately, I've just felt semi-needy and sad. While many important things have been pretty constant, a few things are changing and I'm having to adjust to those changes. I guess my problem is I don't fully understand why the changes are happening and there are some things that keep happening that make things a little more muddy. I know what I need to do...CONFRONT. But I just really don't enjoy that. Especially when I feel like I'm going to be looked upon as crazy for it. Or possessive or needy or something gross like that. UGH. It's also really hard to do when you're just not clear where you stand with the other person. I think I'm just repeating myself so I'll probably just stop...and this probably makes no sense.
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything and I had a small panic attack the other night and now it's just evened out into a sad feeling in my heart. There's also a fear of the future and the unknown and a list of about 100 irrational fears that keep rolling around in my mind. I feel like this time of extreme blessing isn't over...blessing never really stops, we just stop appreciating it...but I feel like God is saying "Here are some hard things Danielle...how are you going to deal with them? Are you still going to be thanking and praising me now?" Lately I've taken to crying out the Psalms to Him and reading them for comfort. Countless times he is cited as being the Rock, Redeemer, Fortress, Refuge, and let me tell you, I am claiming ALL of those things right now.
Here is a view of downtown Steamboat Springs and the mountains behind it...you can be jealous:
I can't wait to be there and meet everyone-that's going to be my favorite part. And just being settled, and hopefully not living out of a suitcase. I don't know what kind of room I have or storage space or ANYTHING, so this is already looking like the biggest adventure of my life thus far. I'm not very nervous about being far away, because, well, this type of thing is normal for me. After all, I chose to go to school in Mississippi of all places, not knowing anyone and having been there only one time before. The most nerve wracking part for me are the flights...yes, I've flown a lot these past 4 years but it still doesn't make me any less nervous. Lord Jesus, give me GOOD weather tomorrow and no turbulence!
So far this summer has been one of extreme blessing. So many good things have happened, so many relationships strengthened, so many creative endeavors! I've done things I haven't done before and have been able to fit in more lunch, coffee and dinner dates than I've ever thought possible. Not to mention, God is showing himself in new and glorious ways. I am continually amazed at the strength of his presence in my life and just this satisfaction I feel just by knowing him and learning more about him. It's incomparable. Lately though, I feel a sadness and I definitely know where it's coming from. I don't know...sometimes things work out differently in your mind than they do in real life, and that can be really frustrating. Maybe something's broken and you feel like you're the only person that can see it and feel it. I am SO completely guilty of having really high expectations, which, so far, has only led to let downs. I can't really explain exactly what I'm thinking or feeling, because I fear it sounds really silly. Guys and girls are just completely, 100% different...no arguing with that. The way that we communicate and our wants and needs are not even remotely the same. I, amongst other women, have this vision in our minds that the guy is supposed to know what we're thinking, why we're thinking it, and that the guy should be able to come in and save the day and fix our problems. The guy is also "supposed" to be sensitive to our needs at all times and be available for us to spill everything at any time. Hmm...I can't think of too many guys who would go along with that. No one likes to be the dumping ground for one person's emotional problems ALL the time-that is REALLY tiring. We aren't meant to carry around the world's problems, but we try to with all of our might. And there's the problem-relying on OUR own strength and power to do everything, when we should be giving it to the One who's carried the world on His shoulders since he created it. Easy right?
No. (I could go on with that theme for a long time...I'm going to harness my ADD and stick with what I was writing before that! haha)
I don't consider myself an emotionally needy person...I'm probably more of the opposite (the person whom people go to for help and advice). But lately, I've just felt semi-needy and sad. While many important things have been pretty constant, a few things are changing and I'm having to adjust to those changes. I guess my problem is I don't fully understand why the changes are happening and there are some things that keep happening that make things a little more muddy. I know what I need to do...CONFRONT. But I just really don't enjoy that. Especially when I feel like I'm going to be looked upon as crazy for it. Or possessive or needy or something gross like that. UGH. It's also really hard to do when you're just not clear where you stand with the other person. I think I'm just repeating myself so I'll probably just stop...and this probably makes no sense.
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything and I had a small panic attack the other night and now it's just evened out into a sad feeling in my heart. There's also a fear of the future and the unknown and a list of about 100 irrational fears that keep rolling around in my mind. I feel like this time of extreme blessing isn't over...blessing never really stops, we just stop appreciating it...but I feel like God is saying "Here are some hard things Danielle...how are you going to deal with them? Are you still going to be thanking and praising me now?" Lately I've taken to crying out the Psalms to Him and reading them for comfort. Countless times he is cited as being the Rock, Redeemer, Fortress, Refuge, and let me tell you, I am claiming ALL of those things right now.
"The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins." Ps. 25:12-13.
And:
"My heart says of you, 'Seek his face!' Your face, Lord, I will seek." Ps. 27:8
It is just becoming more and more clear to me that I have been made to love and serve Christ and his people, and that is good enough for me. He isn't human...he gives me free love that will not disappoint. Why wouldn't I want to cling to him and follow him with my entire being? Good times, bad times, all times. I'm going to fail-I know this. Because I've failed many times before. But amazingly, he hasn't given up on me yet and I just pray that he shows me the path I need to take so I can walk on that only and not get distracted. Here's a song I heard on Pandora this morning that speaks to all that I'm feeling right now:
Amen. I have nothing to add to that.
Full Attention-Jeremy Riddle
May Your voice be louder
May Your voice be clearer
Than all the others
Than all the others
May Your face be dearer
May Your words be sweeter
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Please keep my eyes
Fixed on You
Please root my heart
So deep in You
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
That I may bear fruit
May Your presence be truer
May Your presence be nearer
Than all the others
Than all the others
May Your light burn brighter
May Your love move deeper
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Than all the others
Than all the others
May Your face be dearer
May Your words be sweeter
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Please keep my eyes
Fixed on You
Please root my heart
So deep in You
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
That I may bear fruit
May Your presence be truer
May Your presence be nearer
Than all the others
Than all the others
May Your light burn brighter
May Your love move deeper
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Amen. I have nothing to add to that.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Nathan, Amanda, and baby Elijah!
Sunday night held a very new experience for me. I was asked by my good friends who are expecting their first child (Elijah Christopher) if I would take pictures of them as a keepsake for this very exciting time in their lives. Pregnancy has been a bit of a rough journey for them, but they haven't given up their hope and faith in the One who is the giver of all good things. They are SUCH an inspiration to me...in their marriage, the way they live their lives, and the way that they love this precious little boy already. I couldn't be happier for them, and I know they're going to make great parents! I was really going into this shoot because, well, I love taking pictures, but am not by any means a certified photographer. But we had a lot of fun and the photos ended up turning out very nice, and I hope they can cherish them for a very long time. I can't wait to take pictures of baby Elijah in the fall when I come home for break!
Here are some of my favorites...the lighting was perfect!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)