A lot on my mind.

I know I haven't blogged much lately, but I've been crazy busy. I've gotten to see all of my closest friends and spend some quality time with people I love-after all, it's going to be November before I see some of them again. I've also finished my little chair! It's a bit strange looking, but at the same time I love that little thing. Pictures to come soon. The best news is that I'm FINALLY almost packed for Colorado-I have to finish it up by tonight, because I leave in the tomorrow morning! Gotta love those early morning flights...getting up at 5 to be ready by 6, travel an hour to Columbus and then get on the plane to Denver by 8:30. I think it's safe to say that I'll be quite exhausted tomorrow night...hopefully I'll be able to get good sleep at my home for the summer!

Here is a view of downtown Steamboat Springs and the mountains behind it...you can be jealous:


I can't wait to be there and meet everyone-that's going to be my favorite part. And just being settled, and hopefully not living out of a suitcase. I don't know what kind of room I have or storage space or ANYTHING, so this is already looking like the biggest adventure of my life thus far. I'm not very nervous about being far away, because, well, this type of thing is normal for me. After all, I chose to go to school in Mississippi of all places, not knowing anyone and having been there only one time before. The most nerve wracking part for me are the flights...yes, I've flown a lot these past 4 years but it still doesn't make me any less nervous. Lord Jesus, give me GOOD weather tomorrow and no turbulence!

So far this summer has been one of extreme blessing. So many good things have happened, so many relationships strengthened, so many creative endeavors! I've done things I haven't done before and have been able to fit in more lunch, coffee and dinner dates than I've ever thought possible. Not to mention, God is showing himself in new and glorious ways. I am continually amazed at the strength of his presence in my life and just this satisfaction I feel just by knowing him and learning more about him. It's incomparable. Lately though, I feel a sadness and I definitely know where it's coming from. I don't know...sometimes things work out differently in your mind than they do in real life, and that can be really frustrating. Maybe something's broken and you feel like you're the only person that can see it and feel it. I am SO completely guilty of having really high expectations, which, so far, has only led to let downs. I can't really explain exactly what I'm thinking or feeling, because I fear it sounds really silly. Guys and girls are just completely, 100% different...no arguing with that. The way that we communicate and our wants and needs are not even remotely the same. I, amongst other women, have this vision in our minds that the guy is supposed to know what we're thinking, why we're thinking it, and that the guy should be able to come in and save the day and fix our problems. The guy is also "supposed" to be sensitive to our needs at all times and be available for us to spill everything at any time. Hmm...I can't think of too many guys who would go along with that. No one likes to be the dumping ground for one person's emotional problems ALL the time-that is REALLY tiring. We aren't meant to carry around the world's problems, but we try to with all of our might. And there's the problem-relying on OUR own strength and power to do everything, when we should be giving it to the One who's carried the world on His shoulders since he created it. Easy right?

No. (I could go on with that theme for a long time...I'm going to harness my ADD and stick with what I was writing before that! haha)

I don't consider myself an emotionally needy person...I'm probably more of the opposite (the person whom people go to for help and advice). But lately, I've just felt semi-needy and sad. While many important things have been pretty constant, a few things are changing and I'm having to adjust to those changes. I guess my problem is I don't fully understand why the changes are happening and there are some things that keep happening that make things a little more muddy. I know what I need to do...CONFRONT. But I just really don't enjoy that. Especially when I feel like I'm going to be looked upon as crazy for it. Or possessive or needy or something gross like that. UGH. It's also really hard to do when you're just not clear where you stand with the other person. I think I'm just repeating myself so I'll probably just stop...and this probably makes no sense.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything and I had a small panic attack the other night and now it's just evened out into a sad feeling in my heart. There's also a fear of the future and the unknown and a list of about 100 irrational fears that keep rolling around in my mind. I feel like this time of extreme blessing isn't over...blessing never really stops, we just stop appreciating it...but I feel like God is saying "Here are some hard things Danielle...how are you going to deal with them? Are you still going to be thanking and praising me now?" Lately I've taken to crying out the Psalms to Him and reading them for comfort. Countless times he is cited as being the Rock, Redeemer, Fortress, Refuge, and let me tell you, I am claiming ALL of those things right now.

"The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins." Ps. 25:12-13.

And:

"My heart says of you, 'Seek his face!' Your face, Lord, I will seek." Ps. 27:8

It is just becoming more and more clear to me that I have been made to love and serve Christ and his people, and that is good enough for me. He isn't human...he gives me free love that will not disappoint. Why wouldn't I want to cling to him and follow him with my entire being? Good times, bad times, all times. I'm going to fail-I know this. Because I've failed many times before. But amazingly, he hasn't given up on me yet and I just pray that he shows me the path I need to take so I can walk on that only and not get distracted. Here's a song I heard on Pandora this morning that speaks to all that I'm feeling right now:

Full Attention-Jeremy Riddle

May Your voice be louder

May Your voice be clearer
Than all the others
Than all the others

May Your face be dearer
May Your words be sweeter
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life

Please keep my eyes
Fixed on You
Please root my heart
So deep in You
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
That I may bear fruit

May Your presence be truer
May Your presence be nearer
Than all the others
Than all the others

May Your light burn brighter
May Your love move deeper
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life

Amen. I have nothing to add to that.