Thoughts from Psalm 139

Wow, it's only been a few days and I'm writing another blog...woot! I'm trying to stick by this goal of mine to write thoughts on here more often, no matter who is and isn't reading them!

I hope 2011 has treated you all very well so far. I've been crafting, spending LOTS of time with family, exercising, cooking and oddly enough, organizing shelves in my mom's kitchen. I'm also starting to collect paint chips and things for my mom because redoing the kitchen is going to be my gift to her sometime this spring. The year is still young, and there are SO many things to be looking forward to. The coming of spring, the deepening of relationships, the spontaneous moments, the activities, and then for me, GRADUATION! If you were able to wade through the clutter that was my last entry, you'll know that is something that's on my mind lately-that, and what comes after. But after reading one of my very favorite Psalms that has gotten me through some of the darkest times in my life, my soul can once again rest at peace. It's with that introduction that I want to share a few (I'll try to keep it short) thoughts with you on this beautiful, snowy Friday morning.

The first big thing that I came across was that God KNOWS me, and he knew exactly what he was doing when he created me. He was forming a very special path for me before my 9lb., 5oz. self came out to meet the world! Just knowing that's he's held my life in his hands for that long is a HUGE comfort.

"You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways."

He's familiar with the good in me and the bad. He knows that I tend to procrastinate, but he also knows that through that procrastination, he can work his plan and he's definitely done that thus far.

"You hem me in behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me."

What?? The God that created everything in the entire world has His hand on me? Does that mean that He's going to guide me where HE wants me to go? Yes. But I have to put forth effort and say "God, I'm going to trust in you to lead me. I've seen what you've done so far, and because of your faithfulness in the past, I can trust you to lead my future." And that's it. God will completely meet me and guide me if I give the reins to him. But if I fight with him, if I put my agenda before his, then there's no room for him to work because my ego is taking up both the driver's AND passenger's seat.

"Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?"

I can't tell you how valuable this verse is to me. The reality is, I feel like God is drawing me to places that aren't overtly Christian, or Christian at all. Places where my faith puts me in the minority. If you would've told me that a few years ago, I probably wouldn't have believed you. But I feel this call on my life to, simply put, "love God and serve others." Because you know what? I've seen God work through that and feel His joy surround me when share His love. I am humbled and amazed that He'd choose someone like me to be a light, a witness, a friend and confidante to those who hurt and who simply need someone to love them and listen to them. I don't want to be in a place where those things are easy to me-I've been in those environments my entire life! I may not know much about the future, but I know that God's going to put me in a place where He can shine the brightest.

"If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

Anything I would add to that would be insufficient.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

There was a time where I didn't believe this at all. I hated myself and struggled hardcore for a year to believe that I was beautiful and worthy and made exactly how I'm supposed to be. God has since slapped me in the head over and over with this verse (sometimes gently, sometimes not) and has redeemed my life from the negative place it was at a few years ago. Not saying that I don't still struggle with this whole concept, because I do. It's a constant battle to say "Ok God, you win. I AM beautiful and worthy because you made me. And you don't make mistakes!" I can say all of that now because I believe the last half of that verse with my entire being...God has been SO wonderful to me throughout these past few years, and my whole life really. I've just become more conscious of his goodness and faithfulness lately. And not just in the BIG things, but in those little, everyday things like a beautiful sunrise, the promise of spring, and a great bowl of oatmeal. That sounds silly and trite but He created all of that for us to enjoy, didn't He? I've been learning that he deserves my praise in ALL things. He's filling me with joy just thinking about all He's done and what He'll continue to do!!

And last, but not least, I'm going to leave you with the last few verses of the Psalm that stand by themselves very well. God, you are GOOD.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me, and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

The ending of one year, the beginning of another, and what in the world should I be doing?

Wow...it's been far too long. FAR far too long. Because now I feel like I have to play a catch up game to let everyone who reads this and knows me how I'm doing these days, what's been going on, etc. This dear blog started off on the right foot and I've started many posts but then never finished them, thus leaving large gaps of time where I LOOK like I haven't been thinking/writing/doing things at all. But honestly, this little blog is for me to vent and share and if the world hates that I haven't written in 2 months (which I doubt they do) then that's ok!

Where to begin...hmm. Well there have been many creative projects that I've done this fall and winter break that I'll be sharing in pictures soon. A few have been in the theatre world, such as being in "Juliet and Her Romeo" and directing my own One Act. Two very different and challenging things, yet in the end, I was completely proud to be a part of both. I've also been experimenting with many new dishes and desserts...tis the season for food, and lots of it! Although I've had a few sweets over this break, I've really been focusing on exercise and eating healthy these past few months and since I can see the pay off from that, I haven't let myself slip too far. I did enjoy my granny's chocolate cake roll, filled with mint chocolate chip ice cream-AMAZING. Maybe if I have a small break this summer I can spend a day or two with her and learn these recipes I've grown up with before it's too late.

I suppose that's a good segway into other things that have been happening (especially over Christmas break)-lots of good ol' family family time. And for once, I haven't tried to fight it but simply ENJOY it. I've been at home quite a lot, one reason being that I didn't drive home and we only have one car available between 3 people. Another reason is that I just really want to make memories and spend time with my mom and dad. It's been a wonderful Christmas, but also a tough one because for the first time, David isn't coming home. Last year he came home a few days after Christmas but since he just started his new job, it won't be possible this year. That's just really put Christmas (and holidays in general) in perspective-it's not about the gifts, the money, grandma's pumpkin pie, but really about the people. It's about who you choose to surround yourself with and the love that you all share. For as much as I've resisted against my parents over my lifetime, I keep realizing more and more how completely blessed I am to have them. My dad and I still butt heads on many issues, but I've realized now that's because we're SO alike. If you know my daddy, you know where I get all my goofiness from. And that's ok with me...though I may not tell him that just yet. :) My mom and I have grown closer and talk about things now that only a few years ago I wouldn't have dreamed of. My dad and I had a heart to heart over Thanksgiving and he pointed out some qualities in me that I'm not too proud of, such as ungratefulness and so since then, I've been striving to change that. I NEVER want my parents to feel like I could care less about all they've done for me. That kills me and makes me completely ashamed of myself. I'm SO grateful that my dad and I are at the level where we can share things like that and in this new year, I'm striving to be a more grateful person, not only to them but to others around me.

I've also been thinking a lot of my impending graduation and...THE NEXT STEP (dun dun dunnnnnn!) I can't tell you how many times I've been asked "What are you planning to do after graduation?" and although I'm sick of that question now, I know it'll keep getting asked more and more as April 30th approaches. Honestly, I have no clue. It looks like God is opening a few different doors and now it's just a matter of him shutting the ones that aren't good for me. I'll be auditioning at a huge theatre conference in Atlanta in March, so something could come out of that (aka year-round work acting at a theatre somewhere in America). That would be neat, seeing how that is my major and all. But really, I'm not sure if that's what I'm supposed to be doing right now. My heart is telling me a few different things and right now it's about quieting those other voices, sitting still before God and letting him speak to me. I heard a sermon about being still before God and I realize that while I do praise him and thank him for things, I also tend to beg him and plead with him for things. "God, let your will be done but pleeeease do it right now!!!" How silly is that?? haha...I'm amazed at my stupidity sometimes. Why can't I just be patient and let God work everything out in his timing? So that's what I've been trying to do. It's not easy, and I don't always succeed, but this walk I'm on isn't going to be successful all the time. Probably not even half the time. But God in his AWESOME love is so patient with me and so attentive to the cries of my heart, it's astounding. He STILL continues to be faithful, even when I struggle. He still continues to love, even when I don't feel like it. I could go on and on...all of that to say I'M not planning anything right now, because my plans just tend to fall through. I'm waiting for God to show me THE NEXT STEP, wherever that may be.

Which leads me to my last point, church...(haha, jokes, jokes)...and probably the least important. If I could plan things, then this is what I would plan: go back to Perry Mansfield this coming summer, get married, move to Colorado, and live on a mountain. Oh, and I'd be a fitness trainer also. And possibly teach theatre to the mountain children or something. Or just enjoy every sunset and sunrise on my moutaintop house. Most of those things sound like pretty crazy ideas, except for working at camp again. I can't tell you how much I've missed that place and how much last summer impacted my life. It's insane. A life mission God has given me (which was made SO clear this past summer) is that I'm here to serve God and love people, which is exactly what the pastor out in Steamboat preached on the 2 times I got to go to church. And then God continued to hit me with that fact this fall. That's been further spoke into my life by encouraging people around me and from the girls I had in my cabin. The love they have for me is astounding...it almost knocks me over. I contacted the director of the camp the other day and she told me she'd love to have me back, which only further fuels my desire to go. But what if these are only MY desires? And if I commit to this, then how do I let the auditioners know that I'm actually NOT available for summer like my audition form said, but rather in the fall? I guess if they want me, I could work somewhere in the fall and winter seasons. I think my parents are really wanting me to go for something year round, and that's understandable. But if I'm meant to go to camp, then I really don't want anything to get in the way of that.

As you can tell, I have much thinking to do and even MORE praying...that's what it's been about lately. Praying for God to reveal his plan for me and work out the rest. I can see him doing that in the lives of others and I'm SO completely encouraged. My boyfriend and I are both at a place in our lives where God is going to make some big changes. God's blessing our relationship SO much and it's awesome to see how he's growing us both, yet it's possible that we may have to spend more time apart for jobs and things. We've gotten pretty good at the long distance thing, what with camp all summer and the breaks where I've come home and he hasn't been able to come with me, but it's not all that fun. I am totally thankful how God is using this time away from each other to say to me "Set your sights on me...refocus on ME and I'll give you the desires of your heart. I'm the only one that can do that!" That's a reminder I need daily. We as humans tend to pour ourselves into human relationships because that person is tangible and available and just RIGHT THERE all the time. Then our relationship with God suffers...it can get to be a vicious cycle, especially for me and all my busyness. But when I'm home on breaks and can't see or touch Dan, it's an amazing time for me to reset my mind and get refocused for the months ahead. I always want to put Christ first, then others because that's the only way things are going to work. It's also been causing me to pray for Dan a lot more and in that way, I feel like this 800 mile distance is a whole lot less. I'm just really thankful for Dan and I can't wait to see him in just a little over a week.

All in all, I am a VERY happy and blessed person right now. Friends, family, boyfriend...I am BLESSED. A goal I have for the new year (no resolutions for me!) is to HOPEFULLY update this blog more, seeing as how many exciting things have the potential to happen. I'm believing in God for his best this year and am praying for that in the lives of everyone I know. Go out and be BLESSED today, friends!

Thank you. This is another perfect morning.

Ahhhh Sundays.

I love them QUITE a lot. I was a heathen today and didn't go to church, but instead I'm taking God's command for "rest" on the Sabbath quite seriously. This week has been absolutely insane..."Juliet and her Romeo" opens this coming Thursday. As mentioned in my last post, this whole process has been quite frustrating and hard and much of the stress this week has been finding time to memorize lines amidst the 800 other things I have to do. But God has been faithful, and has given me time with him and He's given people around me words of encouragement to share with me. I couldn't have made it through ANYTHING this week without the endless prayers offered up on my behalf. If you thought of me this week and prayed for me, THANK YOU. It helped.

Yesterday was one of the longest/hardest/most complicated days I've ever had in the theatre world and I'm glad it's over. It started out before 8am and then with a work call at 9am. We were supposed to have another tech rehearsal in the morning, but there was a lot that had to be done for our techs in the afternoon so the morning was spent cleaning up the Flex and finishing up all sorts of little projects. Tessa and I (a fellow castmate and senior whom I love entirely and completely) were working on small cleaning projects (aka moving lots of heavy boards and masonite) when we got excused to go hand out posters for the show, seeing as how that's my job, being the Publicity Coordinator and all. So for about an hour we drove around Jackson like MAD, handing out about fifteen posters or so and we didn't get rejected ONCE! We were looking quite rough, but despite that we got hit on at a gas station ("Hey pretty ladies...do you like tattoos?" Classy) and all of these older men who owned shops but up our posters with smiles and reassuring arm pats. Tessa even got some of Tybalt's lines quoted to her! Needless to say it was one of the best and most productive hours of this week.

Our first tech started at 2...but we didn't get on the stage until around 3. This was the first time ALL of the elements were being used-lights, costumes, hair, makeup (which is crazy AWESOME)...all of that wonderful stuff that makes up a show. It was more than a little overwhelming at times. I really don't think I've been in a show that's been so completely complicated. I really do love the concept and how we're presenting something as classic as "Romeo and Juliet", but only incorporating everything this close to opening is, well, overwhelming. That's the only word I can use to describe it...besides stressful I suppose. Surprisingly though, it did go pretty well. We got through about half of the show (some parts rougher than others) in 3 hours, came back at 7:30 with a go time of 8, and got through the rest of the show by 10. I had really minimal help with lines...they're all in my head but I was just getting so worn out it was hard to keep everything straight. Hopefully I'll have really sharp recall during the show...

All of that to say, I slept in a bit this morning (9am...that's good for me!) and had some wonderful alone time with Jesus. It was so good just to bask in his love, to be thankful to him for all he's done for me. I re-read Ps. 118 for the millionth time this week and my heart was encouraged and I was once again reminded to give thanks to God in ALL things. No matter what the circumstance, no matter what I'm going through, no matter how hard life may seem.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is GOOD. His love endures FOREVER."

And to be thankful for each day...

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us REJOICE and BE GLAD in it."

(Emphasis all mine).

I have been blessed and surrounded on every side by good things...it's astounding! God gives me these wonderful mornings alone with him to re-center, re-focus and commit myself to him. I would be happy all of my days if I could spend every morning like today-oatmeal, yummy coffee in a cute mug, and unlimited time to spend in the Word and journaling. It's almost noon now, but I'm in some of my comfiest clothes, listening to my Alexi Murdoch Pandora station on my back porch, completely content to listen to the sounds of nature all around me...God is SO good.

In short....

God is good, and has been blessing me immensely.

I know it's been far too long since I've written. I've been meaning to and started a post back in mid-September, but, as you can see, it never got published. Oops. Let me tell you, life has been non-stop CRAZY since I got back to school August 8th. Leaving Colorado began the craziness. There were SO many tears, and I basically cried the entire 3 hour bus ride from Steamboat to Denver. (That was on the 7th). The next morning I left Denver for Louisville, KY around 6 am, where my mom met me with my car full of stuff and we drove on to good ol' Jackson, Mississippi. I was SO thankful that my roomies and I had moved the majority of our stuff to our precious little duplex back in May, but I still felt like I brought tons of crap with me. (I'm trying not to think about moving out in a mere 7 months...). Mom only stayed a day to get me settled in and then headed back to Ohio. It was hard not to be able to my daddy too...the job he has now just takes him ALL over and he doesn't have as much vacation time as he used to. Thank GOODNESS for Skype:)

Since then, school has started and once again, my planner is continually getting filled with more and more stuff. I'm taking Directing, Improv Comedy, Photography, Pilates, Scriptwriting and Worship Team. I feel like it's a healthy (and random) mix of classes and, in short, I love it. Photography is something I've enjoyed for quite awhile, but learning about the workings of a 35mm camera and having to do everything with my hands is amazing, and a beautiful art form different from anything in the theatre. I love that...I love doing things outside my major because I believe it's quite beneficial to be well rounded. I've gotten over my fear of rolling film onto a reel and screwing it up, and now I can process in under an hour. Woohoo! My photography teacher Gretchen has really liked my photos and now it's just a matter of refining my skills in the dark room. My final documentary project is due in less than a month so I need to just start shooting things that interest me and maybe in that a documentary idea will form.

I'm currently on fall break, and I can't even tell you how needed this is. I don't know how I lived without it in High School. I'm starting to feel my annual fall cold coming on, so now is a perfect time to stop rushing about and just REST. And breathe...breathing would be nice. There are many wonderful things to be thankful for: amazing roommates, renewed friendships, NEW friendships, a deeper relationship with Christ, beautiful weather, a wonderful and amazing boyfriend, lovely family...I think I could just go on forever. One of the lessons Christ is trying to teach me is to thank him more. All too often I get caught up in asking and asking and asking him for things, without even a thought directed towards him in thanks. How stupid is that? He's given me everything, and I can't even offer up a simple "thank you", or thank him with my life by spending time with him each day? Amidst this busyness it's been quite the struggle to stop what I'm doing and read his Word. It also frustrates me that I can attempt to memorize Shakespeare all day long but don't take the time to memorize the Bible, which is the defense he's given me against the enemy. Stupid human. Thankfully, his love and mercy are new every morning and I have a chance EVERYDAY to renew my commitment to him. I'm learning!

My attitude towards one particular area of my life hasn't been the best lately, and I'm thinking I need to change that very soon. I'm involved in a show right now that, quite honestly, I hate. I have never been so frustrated with a process as I am with this one. Me and 7 other actors are attempting to do the story of "Romeo and Juliet" and that is proving to be QUITE the task. I play a million different parts and have about a million lines to match that. This last minute rush to memorize lines is basically my fault, because I wasn't really sure if this show would actually come to fruition. We're less than 2 weeks from opening night and it seems to be moving ahead, so I think I should probably start learning my parts. I've been trying to cram as much in my brain the last 2 days and still have 2 more days to do the latter half of the play...it's killing me. I just feel as if I'm getting no direction or help or any encouragement really. It's just frustrating. But I have to buckle down and learn these lines one way or another...

Right now I'm enjoying a wonderful time with friends. I made pumpkin milkshakes...vanilla ice cream, pumpkin pie filling, vanilla extract, cinnamon and pumpkin pie spice. We couldn't find pumpkin pie ice cream in the store (seasonal FAIL) but this turned out to be really tasty! I think we'll be making these again soon. It's SO nice to be able to cook in my own little kitchen and have a place to rest...away from the craziness of school. I'll have to put up pictures at some point. The decor of our house is very random and eclectic, but I love it. Most of the furniture has been given to us or found by the side of the road. The thrill of finding a large desk and shelf unit can't be compared to many other things...

It's taken me 2 days to publish this post, so I better do it before I lose any more steam. Life is very wonderful (although very odd at times...aka an ex getting engaged) and I'm quite happy with where God has placed me. It's both exciting and frightening, but if there's one thing I've learned from this adventure so far, is that he's got my back and he won't leave me to fend for myself. My heart's dream is to go back to Colorado, but does that line up with what God wants for me?

I can't really say. For now, I'm not going to worry, but instead am going to enjoy everything as it comes, such as delicious decaf coffee with a spot of Creme Brulee creamer and a movie with the room-bug. Oh, and maybe I'll try to enjoy these lines I'm memorizing...

Too many thoughts for words.

It is WAY past July 11th, way past the nervous feelings I had before my campers came. So much has gone on that would take 90 years to explain and none of it would make much sense to people who aren't here and frankly, it'd probably be pretty boring.

At this point, I'm looking at my last 6 days in Steamboat and that is the strangest thing to me. It's funny to think that I've been here for less than 2 months but this feels so much like home. These people whom I knew nothing about at first are now like family and I couldn't imagine not knowing them. We've been through a lot and I can honestly say this is the toughest job that I've ever had. At the same time, it's been the most satisfying, the most beautiful, the most wonderful. I'm 22 hours away from "home" (or 18 hours, depending on whether I feel like Jackson is home or not), I haven't seen my family in quite awhile (and may not see my dad until Thanksgiving), I'd never been to this place before June 13th and I've had to figure a lot of things out on my own.

Then why do I love it here so much?

If home is where the heart is, then I'm home. Yet I can't say that with a clear conscience, because I feel like bits and pieces of my heart are all over the place-Jackson, Marion, here, and with the counselors that left this morning. How is it still possible to have a full heart after that? To know where you belong? It's late, and I've gotten up before 6 the past 2 days and I feel like all of my intelligent thought has gone out the window.

And now Sufjan Stevens is playing on Pandora and I want to cry.

My body is all sorts of messed up for various reasons, and I'm in a constant state of physical discomfort with hardly any relief. The only semi-settled thing is my heart and the peace I feel each day when I wake up to sunshine and the anticipation of a good breakfast. There's also the anticipation of what the day will hold-who's going to need my love? My listening ear? My sympathy? If I've realized anything this summer, it's that people are hurting and oftentimes all they want is love. A hug. Someone to hold their hand. Someone to truly listen, to identify with, to respond to their problems. There's no replacement for quality time spent discovering the likes, dislikes, fears, thoughts and values that someone holds dear. I have met some precious, PRECIOUS people, and the thought of leaving them is just frightening to me. Going back to the real world, to a place where I don't know if I belong anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited to live with 2 of my best friends in an adorable duplex and for all of the lovely muffin and coffee parties we're going to have...it's going to be amazing. I'm excited for friends and life and meeting all of those crazy freshman in just a few short weeks. I have a renewed passion for my art and for new kinds of art...to be able to help people through my passion would be amazing. I'm excited to serve, get involved, do SOMETHING worthwhile.

But there's also another feeling...a little voice telling me I need to prepare myself to fly. Maybe it's just because I've fallen in love with this place, but I want to move here in a year. I do NOT want to settle in the South...it's just not for me. I hate to plan things because they've often failed for me, but right now all I can think about is how to get back out here. After I graduate I want to become a personal trainer (because I feel that's something you can do wherever you go and this summer has definitely renewed my love for fitness), move here, do theatre when I can, and minister to people. I've found an amazing church here withing walking distance of the camp and I know it sounds silly because I've only gotten to go twice, but I feel completely at home there. It's a small church but it's so completely alive and the messages I heard had such an impact on me. Their gist was to love and serve people, which is something I believe Christ preaches over and over. Both of those things have been central to my life here, and I don't want that to stop.

So many things are swirling around in my head, and they might not make much sense but I wanted to throw them out there for the world to read. Or, for a few people to read. I don't know what the future holds...or tomorrow really...but I'm excited, scared, and a little nervous. I'm exhausted right now but I hope to blog a little more before I leave.

Goodnight.

The calm before the storm...of campers, that is.

Ahh...Sunday. I love the weekends. The one thing that's sucked since I got here is that I haven't been able to go to church. Without having a car, I pretty much have to catch rides or walk places. That doesn't really bother me, it just makes me feel like an inconvenience to people. I haven't been reading the Word as much as I would've like these past few days, but the cool thing about God is that you can always start over and CHOOSE to start your day off with him. I always get caught in the trap of not having enough time, when, in all actuality, I don't make the time. Sure, I'm pretty busy here between my kids and class and dozens of other random duties I'm called upon to do daily, but there's always time. The plans to go to church today didn't get solidified yesterday, so instead I listened to my pastor from Mississippi's online sermon. I've downloaded the podcasts to his "Sex Talk" series, and let me tell you, they're AWESOME. I'd highly recommend them. You can go to pinelake.org and listen to them there or go to the iTunes store, look up Pinelake Church and all of the latest sermons are there. (There's my shameless plug for the day!) I can't even tell you how convicting they are...basically I'm more assured than ever that to pursue Christ above all else is the key to lasting happiness and fulfillment. Like my pastor said, instead of searching for "Mr. Right", I want to BE Mr. (Mrs., really) Right! Be the woman who's spirit is so lost in Christ that nothing else matters. As I'm realizing in this secular world, this is so important. I don't really have people coming along side me here encouraging me in my walk with Christ. It's a full on spiritual battle/ministry field, and I'm working on sharing who I am and the love I have with people I encounter. I've already touched on this a little in my last entry so I won't get back on my soap box....

Despite not being able to go to church, this day has been wonderful. Another sunny day greeted me this morning and John fixed pancakes for breakfast-have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE pancakes and breakfast food in general? Well, if I haven't, I just really love it. Especially with mini blueberries, a little bit of yogurt and walnuts on top. Mmmmm...

I really wanted to finish this while I was in town this afternoon at my favorite bookstore/coffee shop called Off the Beaten Path because it was just the perfect location to be blogging (AND it started raining!) but sadly my ride was leaving just as I was getting into the blog. Basically here's how the past few days have gone:

-All of my babies left their mama with an empty nest Saturday morning. I'll say that I definitely had a few tears in my eyes as my last 2 girls left and I was faced with an empty cabin. It's AMAZING how much life these girls poured into our rustic little place-someone was always laughing, playing the piano, painting nails, reading a book...often all of those things were going on at once. I'd just go into my room and smile, only to be dragged out of my moment of a solitude a second later by several cries of "DANIELLLLE!!!" Just as this next group of girls probably won't be quieted by my lullaby, they also probably won't line up to get their hair french braided. Since I don't have a sister, I missed out on that opportunity growing up but made up for that completely by doing countless french braids during these past two weeks. Oh, and I got a manicure! Hot pink nails with white french tips...ohhh yeah. (You know you're jealous!)

-After the girls left, a few other counselors and I went into town to do laundry. This time it'd only been probably a week and a half, maybe 2, but I still had a lot to wash. That's where I wrote my last blog. Yay for laundry mats with Wi-fi but boo because they charge so much! After that I went back to the cabin and continued to read "My Sister's Keeper." The movie tore at my soul, and this book does the same. SHEESH.

-Today was the perfect ending to a lovely weekend. Despite me being a heathen this morning and not going to church, I did get the chance to go on a great run. I remembered seeing a sign for a Bible Church really close to camp, so I ran the opposite way of town and sure enough, there was the sign! I know the service times now so I'll definitely be there next week. I turned down a little country road and just had to smile at the beauty I encountered as I ran...gorgeous log homes, tall Aspen trees, random rock formations, and MOUNTAINS! I felt like I was getting closer and closer to the mountains in the distance when really, I probably wasn't at all. It's nice to feel small and insignificant sometimes, and at the same time still feel worthy to be able to be in the presence of such an amazing creation. On my way back down the road I saw this slanted rock, probably only 6 feet high and after my recent climbing endeavors I decided to climb it. It wasn't too much of a feat, but I still made it to the top a few times going a few different ways. It was nice to just sit up there and observe. A few cars drove by and at first I felt a little odd to be sitting on this small rock...but then again, this is climbing country so I'm sure people are used to seeing random people on rocks.

-To finish off this fine day, I went to the bookstore and just sat and rested. I'm not fully recovered from these past 2 weeks and any chance I can sit still and just BE is a blessing. I Skyped with my family for about an hour, read an amazing Edward Monkton book and crocheted. I can't tell you how much I love this bookstore. The smell of the books and smell of brewing coffee and all of the sounds that go along with such a business are some of my favorite in the world. It was nice to not have plans...to do what I wanted and not have to keep track of anyone. I'm hoping I can find a few moments like that in these last few weeks of camp...

I look back on today and can honestly say that I loved it. I was met with another beautiful, sunny morning and spent the day in peace, but also feeling a sense of accomplishment, thanks to the running. At this point, our newly cleaned cabin is probably more ready for the girls than I am. I don't even know what to expect with this next bunch except probably a good dose of attitude and sass. Ay yi yi...Lord Jesus, help me to be loving and connect with these girls in some way. That's just my prayer for these next few days, which are probably going to be rough and awkward and but hopefully uneventful...aka no one falling out of bunks or puking or getting homesick. That would be nice. Oh, and after dinner tonight I finished "My Sister's Keeper" and let me just tell you, I shed a few tears. It was beautiful and horrible all at the same time. I'm about ready to start "Chocolat" and I hear it's good. I've never seen the movie but I'll probably end up watching it someday, when I return to the "real" world.

For now, I'm going to rest some more. And hopefully Skype. Do you ever feel like you absolutely love the place you're in, but you'd like to transfer a few key people to that place in order to make it just perfect? I'm feeling that right now for sure. I'm not necessarily homesick, just people sick a little. Thank goodness for Skype and old fashioned letter writing. :)

Goodbyes and Hellos...and nearly one month down.

Wow, so I definitely have meant to write more in this little blog over this summer, but I've seriously not had time! My Junior campers (5th-7th graders) got here about 2 weeks ago and since then, it's been a "hit the ground running" situation. We have to be with them 24/7 since they're just young'ns...aka we can't send them off to the cabin by themselves for long periods of time or send them out in the woods to play hide and seek. Me and my fellow counselor's patience was definitely tested a little in the beginning, but that's because I think the girls were trying to test US to see what they'd be able to get away with, which hasn't been much. We really haven't had to "lay down the law" too much with them...one incident sticks out to me. Honestly, I think that they're a GREAT group of girls and some of them definitely remind me of myself at that age. It's funny...when I hear how they talk and what they talk about I think "Was I REALLY like that when I was 12?" but chances are, I probably was. The talk about boys, the obsession with looking good, the slight competition between me and my friends during certain activities. For all of the rough times we've had (homesickness, illnesses, falling out of the bunk), there have been SO many more good memories made that I can't help but smile everday. In order to not have this blog go on forever and ever, I'm going to list the things I love about my girls, camp, Colorado, life (which is basically everything, but I'll try to limit myself).

P.S.-I canNOT believe it's almost been a month since that first rainy day that I landed in Colorado...where has all the time gone?

It's been a few days since I started this and sadly my campers left this morning. Yes, they tried my spirit at times but all in all, they were good girls and there were definitely a few tears as they left this morning. Eleven of our fifteen ladies checked out yesterday after their Showcase so we were left with 4 last night. Ice cream, movies and a sleepover in the bunk room with our girls were essential. I haven't been able to run these past few days but you better believe that I'm going to get back into it this week-I can't wait!

Things I love thus far (and a few things that I'll miss now that my girls are gone):
-the sound of their chatter and laughter as they woke up in the mornings.
-the coldness of each morning, but how I'm always warm cocooned in my sleeping bag.
-sitting on my outside stoop in the mornings, coffee, Bible and journal in hand. That spot is also great for writing letters.
-the hugs and "I love yous" I'd get from my girls...sheesh, I'm going to miss them TONS.
-bedtimes...singing my girls to sleep with a lullaby I wrote and a variety of other songs. Somehow I don't think the 8th-10th graders coming in a few days will appreciate such a thing...
-breakfast. I'm telling you, we probably have the best camp cook around. Oatmeal or french toast with little blueberries, walnuts, and bananas on top is amazing.
-being inspired to run because of the beautiful mountains and nature I see everyday.
-the peace I feel just walking around camp, breathing the air, smiling at people...God is here, and alive, and I pray that he's working through me everyday.
-LIFE. The one opportunity we have to live it, and live it fully.


The list can really go on and on...and on. The only thing that I'm struggling with now is that I haven't been able to go to church since I've been here. Thankfully the option is open to me, but what's been happening is that we have TONS of stuff happening on Sundays, and there really hasn't been time. I'm really happy that me and Sabrina, the assistant program coordinator here, will probably get to go tomorrow. In my own quiet time I mainly search the Word for something that jumps out at me or I'll look up specific themes I'm interested in here. I've also written out tons of encouraging verses and have them pasted all around my room. One of my favorites is from James, and it's the last part of a verse-it simply says "Mercy triumphs over judgement!" How simple, yet poignant is that? With this not being a Christian environment, there are many things I could be judgemental about, but where would that get me? What kind of impact would I be able to have then? I would just be another one of those hypocritical Christians that so many people have been hurt by these days...Christians who preach love, forgiveness and acceptance but who are the first to judge someone instead of love them, who are so adamant to push what they feel to be correct without listening to what anyone has to say. What I've learned is to love first...not believe in what someone believes in or completely change your morals and convictions to be accomodating...but realize that the person you're talking to is first and foremost a PERSON, created by God. And just as you've been redeemed and saved from the life you lived apart from Christ, there is that same potential for them. This is something God has been teaching me these past few years, and even more so this summer. And by staying strong in him and holding those convictions close he's given me, I've been able to fully love those around me and hopefully have some sort of impact on everyone I encounter. I've already had a few awesome conversations with a few people and by the grace of God, we've been able to talk openly and respect each other's opinions. God is mighty and I have no doubt that he will continue to work in me and through me, as long as I stay receptive to what he wants to teach me.

This is one of my new favorite verses that I'm going to carry around with me everywhere.

"Your decrees are the theme of my song, wherever I lodge."
Psalm 119:53-55

Back to laundry, relaxing, reading and a beautiful Colorado day.