Thoughts and more thoughts.

Well, it's been awhile.

Quite a lot has happened within these past few months that I hardly know where to begin...a quick recap may be in order, and I'll even try to make it chronological. (Many of you may know this information already so you can just scroll past this part).

1). I became single.

2). I got invited for a second interview and then a final interview for Teach For America, and found out November 8th that I was NOT chosen to be a teacher for this next school year.

(And now for some positives...)

3). I was blessed with a second job at my local YMCA, and I've really loved workin' on my fi'ness and meeting lots of new people. I've had some pretty odd experiences, most of them can only be recounted in person in order for the listener to get the full effect. I've learned that many people really like my bum.

4). I have a new best friend, and it is my beautiful Pistachio KitchenAid mixer. It is truly a thing of beauty and I use it multiple times a week (which is something I was afraid I wouldn't do when I got it).

5). I've been baking quite a lot these days. My boss buys cheesecakes from me every Friday to sell at the restaurant, and during this crazy Christmas season I've been baking lots of festive cookies-gingersnaps and sugar cookies and chocolate mint ones, to be exact! I pour lots of love into all that I bake, and the happiness I'm able to bring to people far outweighs any sort of monetary gain (which is just an added perk).

6). I've also been baking lots of healthy things, my most favorite thing being pumpkin chili. I'm telling you, it's MAGICAL.

7). I LOVE working at Baires, which, if you don't know, is a small restaurant in my hometown that is owned by a wild and wonderful Argentinian woman, who is becoming a close and dear friend, despite any language barriers we may have. She's so happy that I know a little bit of Spanish and with her help, I'm learning even more. We like to say "We don't make much money, but we have lots of fun!" So true. We laugh everyday, which is good for both of our spirits.

That's just a basic overview...there are so many more details and things that I couldn't possibly recount. Some of them I don't really want to recount...I'd rather just keep them as precious memories.

I honestly feel like I learn something new everyday, and it's not things that you can learn from any sort of school book. I've learned so much about pain, and what it means to feel empathy for someone who is hurting. Sure, there were many painful situations that happened while in college, but because of how busy I was, I don't think I ever really made time to truly reflect and think about those things. I know that I cared, but maybe not to the extent that I could've because all of my problems and issues were constantly on my mind's forefront. Now that I'm out of school, and LIFE has stepped into its place, I can do that. Sometimes I find myself crying about situations out of my control, and all I can do is pray that Jesus would remove the pain from those who need it, because I am powerless to do anything. Feeling that pain for someone reminds me that yes, I do still have a heart, even after the blows it's taken. Crazy.

Which leads me to another point...I'm learning how human and futile I really am. How silly of me to think that I could try and step into the driver's seat and expect that I wouldn't encounter a single speed bump. Wow. How wrong I was. I'm learning to sit on the passenger's side, and let me tell you, it's REAL scary sometimes. During the summer, I felt like I had a few things figured out, but as I came home from Colorado, semi-jobless, and then later as my relationship ended, and then even later when I didn't get the TFA job, there was nothing left for me to do but throw my hands up in the air and say "Ok God, what in the WORLD are you doing? I have no clue, but I'm going to make an attempt to follow your voice amidst this chaos."

Somehow, for reasons I don't understand, that approach works.

Why do I have SO much joy at 6am when I go in to the Y to work the early shift and then have to rush to work at Baires afterwards? Why do I love telling people about the daily soups and specials and delivering them their food? How can I be friends with someone whom I have trouble understanding half of the time? Why does making oatmeal on the stove top make so happy??

I don't know.

None of that makes any sense outside of my relationship with Christ. He's been my rock, my heartbeat, my true light. If I hadn't been following HIS voice, I could be doing any number of things which those around me want me to do. There have been several instances of people telling me what I SHOULD be doing, as if they've received a word from the Lord himself. And I'm sure they mean well and you know what, maybe they have received a word that I have not. But somehow, I just don't think so. I am fully aware that I'm not holding jobs that I'd like to make my career for the next 30 years, yet for now, for this season of life, they are enough. I am doing what I need to be doing. I'd like to think that I am being used in the lives of those around me to just pour out love over and over. That's basically what I do for a living...love and serve. Truly listen to people who just need to talk, whether it be someone at the Y who has various health problems or maybe an older person who lives alone and comes into Baires for a little human interaction. Mi familia, as I like to say, has grown a hundred fold and it's not stopping anytime soon! I am now a member of the wildest, craziest, yet most loving families I could've ever hoped to be a part of, and I love my role as sister/daughter/amiga/ and sometimes, mother. It's a beautiful thing.

Living with my parents (or "roommates" as I've taken to calling them) is also not something I'd like to be doing for the next 30 years, yet for right now, for this season, it's what I need to be doing. We have a great relationship, and I have more financial freedom than ever before. Not that I'm out blowing my money, but I'm actually taking the time to manage it like a real adult, and I've seen so many blessings come out of that. It's not easy, but I'm learning. I have a great relationship with my parents, and I know I'm going to look back on this time someday and be so grateful for their patience and open hearts. To say that they're wonderful people is a huge understatement.

I feel like I have so much more to say...things about where my heart is, what I'd like to be doing, the crazy encounters that happen almost daily, and possibly about the foods and things I've been baking as of late. This post is already long enough though. But please, if you read this, know that I am doing fine...more than fine, really. This path isn't for everyone, but that's why I'm the one on it, and I'm only on it by the grace of my Father. Yes, sometimes I feel a little lonely and just recently my heart has skipped a beat, but not in a magical "I'm in LOVE!" way, but rather in the opposite way, more like "Oh, it looks like you've moved on." Not to say that I haven't but sometimes you just really don't expect or want the other person to find someone before you do. Not that it's a race...but, well if you've ever loved someone and lost it, you know what I mean. I'm continuing my research into what it means to truly love someone, and Tim Keller's book "The Meaning of Marriage" is really providing some great insight, even for a single lady like me. I recommend it highly.

This is about enough for tonight, but in this new year I will TRY to resolve to post more, and always keep it honest and real.

I hope this Christmas brings so much peace, joy and love to your heart. Take time to love and enjoy life's little moments. Meet a new friend. Skip. Carthweel. Do something you haven't done for awhile.

Life is too beautiful not to be lived, and to be lived fully.


-xoxo